Undo Myself – A Poem

I have been trying to

undo

myself a little bit at a time.

I have stopped counting the vegetables when I make dinner.

Every time I make a meal,

I don’t count the number of peas, carrots, asparagus, mushrooms.

I feel like I’m living with abandon.

At dinner time,

I have stopped trying to serve the meal exactly at 6pm.

This was the only acceptable time for dinner when I was a child

and I well remember my father sitting at the table awaiting nourishment.

I’ve been learning about letting go of stringent rules

that were set for me so long ago

and embracing boundaries

that I have created for myself.

I can’t let myself go completely,

but I can let go of the pieces of my memory that have tried to

limit

me in certain ways, cut the chins that still tie to that part of myself.

Each time I’m able to do this,

I’m letting go of the pieces of my foundation,

scattering them like kernels of sand and learning to

explore

who I am.