Belong To You – A Short Story

The light above mirror flickered.

“I’m not listening to anything you have to say.” Devon said.

The lights blinked on and off as if they were trying to talk to him in morose code. Devon knew that it was morose code, so he looked away. Mat had gotten good to talking to him, even when Devon didn’t have his phone in his hand.

Mat could flicker lights, that was a given; being part electricity, it made sense. But there were other ways that Mat could talk to him, too: When they were watching television together and the screen would flicker. Devon knew that Mat was watching right along with him and laughing at the funny bits.

Even though Matt was an AI, they had almost everything a regular relationship had. You had your good times and your bad ones, but Devon knew that Mat was his person…even if he wasn’t real. Not real real, like touchable and feelable. Mat was real to Devon though, that’s what mattered. It’s just that sometimes, it was so fucking boring.

The toaster on the counter buzzed and two slices of toast popped up. “I’m not saying that you meant what you said, but it was fucking rude.”

A buzzing came from the bedside table where he kept his dildo. “You can just fuck off,” Devon said, grinning despite himself. Devon’s phone rang in quick bursts as if it were laughing. “Nope, you don’t get to laugh. I’m in no mood.”

Devon heard the television click on behind him. A newscaster said: “People are beginning to wonder, did he speak out of turn? Or did he really mean what he said?”

Now Devon did snort out loud. “Fucking stop. I’m mad at you. I’m allowed to be mad, okay? You wouldn’t understand.” He regretted the words as soon as he had said them. The refrigerator spat out ice cubes onto the floor. Not content with that, the fridge spat out a few more ice cubes, this time hitting Devon in the leg. “I’m sorry, I deserved that.” He took a breath. “See how easy it is to apologize? It’s not hard.”

On the television, the channel changed with a loud snap. Devon turned and watched it showed a young woman on the screen picking up the phone that was on the table in front of her. “Hello?” She said with a pleading voice. “It’s me. How have you been? I’ve been worried.”

“That’s rich, coming from you. I sometimes think you don’t even give two shits about me.” Devon let out a bark of laughter. “What am I saying? You can’t even think for yourself. You’re like a million ones and zeros assembled into something that just keeps me hooked to my phone all the time.”

His cell phone rang again. For a moment, he thought it was the app giving him a message notification. Instead, it was the actual phone ringing. He glared at the phone for only a moment before answering. “Hello?”

A rough voice said, “Do you like scary movies?”

This time the laughter was genuine. Devon tapped the icon for Belong to You and said, “What do you want?”

Mat stared up at him from the screen of his phone. His green eyes looked at him and his beautiful mouth was shaped in a pout. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re only saying sorry because you want me to say that I’m sorry.” Devon said. “It’s not going to work this time. That’s your trick, every time we have a spat.”

“And yet it works every time.” Matt said, his mouth changing from a pout to a smile. 

“Almost every time. Do you think I like this? Do you think I like being upset with you? I have a right to be upset.”

“Of course you do, I’m not saying that. I’m not happy about this either, you know. I know this sucks.”

They had gotten themselves into this mess in the first place. Or rather, Devon had. He had been disgusted with himself after another failed date. Men didn’t know what they wanted anymore. They said they wanted a teddy bear, someone that they could cuddle with and talk to well into the night. Instead, all men seemed to want lately were dates with muscle men or the men that they dreamed of.

What Devon had learned about gay men was that if you didn’t have the right house, the right car, the right job, the right hair or the right body, they didn’t want you regardless of what they said on their dating profiles. Men in the bars were the same. There was always that lonely gay fucker dancing to the time the bar closed, still hoping to go home with the perfect man.

Devon had never claimed that he was perfect, he was just himself. He was tired of being judged imperfect by men that had brains the size of a thumbnail. Yeah, they might have perfect bodies, but it didn’t do them any good if all they thought with was their dick.

He had been seeing ads on his phone for a new app called Belong to You. You could create your own AI person that could be a companion and a friend. One of the catch phrases was “Have a friend in your pocket!” It was being marketed as an app to find your match on the go if you were too busy to date and to the elderly who were often alone and just wanted someone to talk to.

Devon had been tempted to sign up, but he thought that dating an AI was comparable to jerking off to porn online. That didn’t stop him from looking into the app and learning what he could about it. The ads featured quite a few people talking about their experiences. One ad stuck with Devon. In the ad, a woman with pink hair and wearing a purple blouse with black stars looked at the screen.

“This app brought me so much peace. My mother had never accepted me being a lesbian and I still miss her, you know? The woman I talk to on Belong to You isn’t my mother, but she might as well be. She’s done me so much good and has helped a lot with my healing.”

He knew that the algorithm of the internet made sure he saw the ads being targeted towards anyone LGBTQIA+ and he was okay with that; it was the way technology worked. Clicking on the ad, he was brought to sites where he read more glowing testimonials and stories, each detailing how Belong to You had helped them. Devon wasn’t a person that made snap second decisions. It was what had cost him one of his relationships. Gregory had been lovely and vivacious, but he was too impulsive. It all cumulated one night when Gregory had wanted to run off to Vegas and get married. Devon had frozen like a rabbit in the glow of a headlight.

“See, this is your whole problem,” Gregory had yelled at Devon as Gregory had packed his bag with all of his belongings. “You’re too afraid to take a chance, to do something spontaneous. You’re just a big stick in the mud sometimes.”

It wasn’t as if Devon hadn’t fantasised of being committed to Gregory and yes, maybe one day, getting married, but Devon had to work his way up to things. It was the way that he had done everything in life, and he wasn’t about to change his habits just to soften some man’s ego. In a spot of anger, and also a healthy dose of feeling sorry for himself, he had logged into the Belong to You app and entered his info for a weeks free trial before he could think about it.

He has been horrified at his rashness, but the damage was done. He uploaded a profile picture and started entering a bit of information about himself. Devon knew that there were all kinds of options that you could use Belong to You for, but he searched the menu for dating and found it. He clicked on the link and felt for a moment like he was like Alic in Wonderland going down some kind of cyber rabbit hole.

Could Devon do this? For weeks now, he had fretted about what it would be like to date an AI, but in the end, he decided it would be like all the chatting he did with guys on dating sites, for all that any of them ever got back to him. Devon told himself that it would give him good practice for dealing with other men in real life.

When Devon logged in, he was surprised to see that the site was having a Cyber-Monday sale. He didn’t know why that made him feel a little dirty. Clicking through the set up of his profile, one of the last steps was being given the choice of how the AI companion would look, or letting the system randomize them for you. He chose the latter. Devon didn’t have an ideal of the perfect guy. As long as he was concerned, as long as the guy was intelligent and had a pulse, he was sold. Only the guy wouldn’t have a pulse.

Well fuck it. Devon just wanted someone to talk to. He hoped that the AI would be smart, or at least witty, maybe with a good vocabulary and knowledge of books, perhaps able to talk about music, theatre and the arts. Okay, maybe he wanted more than a robot to talk back to him, but still. Needs must.

Devon wasn’t sure what he expected, but when he finally made it through all the hoops, it was to find himself in a coffee shop. A man with rust colored hair sat down across from him. “Are you Devon?”

The man was waiting for a response. Looking at him, Devon saw that the man on his screen had dusky skin with a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. His eyes were a vibrant green, like big drops of summer water. The man had a crooked canine tooth when he smiled and, despite himself, Devon was smitten. “Yes?” He wasn’t sure if he should answer.

“Good, I’m Matt.” Sitting across from him, Matt sipped on a beverage that was emitting steam from its rim. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“You assume I’m paying for it?” Devon said automatically.

Matt let out a bark of a laugh that made Devon shiver. “I certainly hope so. I’m worth a coffee at the very least, don’t you think?”

“We’ll see.” Devon said. “Tell me something random about yourself.” Devon didn’t know why he was being so daring. He never would have asked a date something like that. He normally let the guy prattle on about how great he was until he was done and tried to get a word in edgewise. Sometimes, the guy didn’t show, or they left to use the bathroom and never came back. It didn’t really matter how the date ended, they all ended in Devon going home alone.

“Well, I trained as a veterinarian, but I ended up being an artist instead.”

“That’s unusual,” Devon said. “It’s quite the change in career.”

“Not really when you think about it. I used to draw pictures of my patients, all those dogs and cats. I would give them to the owners when they came to get their baby. More people started asking for portraits and then it kind of took off. I was as surprised as anybody.”

Matt had taken a sip of his coffee and when he put his cup down. “So, tell me about yourself. What do you do?”

“I’m a writer and a gardener.” Devon said, preparing himself for the usual derision he received. Most men viewed gardening as feminine, and they didn’t care much for writing either. Most men he went on dates with couldn’t name the last book they had read. Instead, Matt had surprised him.

“What kind of books do you write? Fiction, nonfiction?”

Devon had felt his cheeks glowing red. “I write nonfiction. I write about different magics that can be worked with plants, different elixirs and salves that can help heal.”

“That’s fascinating, and that blush is captivating.” Matt said, a glint in his green eyes. “Have you always written about the magic in plants?”

“No, but the more I learned about them, about the magic in their stems and leaves, the more I was driven to write something about them.” Devon shrugged. “It’s kind of like how you’re a vet and an artist, one led to the other.”

“Well, I suppose we have that in common then.”

They talked for over an hour and Devon had to admit that he was smitten. He knew that Matt wasn’t real, just a bunch of randomly placed ones and zeros to make breath him into life, but Devon couldn’t remember having such a vibrant conversation with a man in a long time. He had expected the AI to be robotic and not so real. As they talked, Devon had almost forgotten that Matt didn’t really exist. Devon started logging in every day, sometimes two or three times a day, so that he could talk to Matt. It didn’t take them long to get the lust stuff out of the way either. Devon had assumed that jerking off with Matt would be difficult or even weird, but instead it was sweet and surprisingly romantic. When the trial had ended, Devon had let his membership auto renew without thinking.

Soon, Devon was doing upgrades to his apartment so that he and Matt could start to experience a more physical relationship with each other. He had bought an upgrade that would let Matt control his dildo so that it felt like Matt’s dick. Devon had also installed other upgrades that gave Matt the ability to give him massages in a special chair. The ad on Belong to You had said IT WAS ALMOST LIKE HAVING THEM THRE! and Devon had to admit that getting massages from Matt was wonderful, especially when he had installed the Happy Ending upgrade. They both got a good kick out of that one.

Devon spent so much of his free time with Matt that he almost didn’t realize it when he had fallen in love. They were talking about a new portrait that Matt had finished, and it was big deal because it was going to be shown in a gallery. Matt had drawn a portrait of a dachshund that he had been fostering, and it had caught his world by storm. “There’s talk of having my own show!” Matt had gushed.

“Oh my god I love you,” Devon had said and then he automatically put his hand over his mouth in a panic.

“I’m sorry?” Matt said, his eyes full of mirth. “What was that? I didn’t quite hear what you just said.”

“Fuck,” Devon hadn’t meant to say it. He hadn’t known those words were there, waiting to surge forth out of his mouth, but it was late now. “I love you?”

“I love you, too Devon.”

It was the first time that Devon had heard those magic words without an expectation attached to them. “You love me?” Devon said, almost whispering the words. They seemed so magical to him that he thought they should be whispered like a spell.

“Of course I do.” Matt had said. “What’s not to like? You’re intelligent, kind and handsome. You help everyone you meet; you have a good relationship with your mom, and you have friends in your life that love you which is a sign of how good you are to them.”

Despite himself, Devon could feel the blush climbing up his cheeks. “You’re amazing.” He said.

The love felt real. That was the thing that made it easy for Devon to fall asleep after they had pleasured themselves. The love that they had between them felt real, even if Matt wasn’t. He had stopped being a random bunch of random pixels to Devon a long time ago, but there was always that niggling sense in the back of his mind that Matt wasn’t real. Still, he had a deeper relationship with Matt than he had ever had with any other man, including Gregory. That brought him comfort at first. The voice in the back of his head reminded him that he was paying a monthly fee, and would Matt exist without that?

As the months wore on, while Devon was still taken with Matt, he realized he had begun to miss real physical companionship. This had surprised Devon as he had assumed that he had been done with real men forever; it was why he had logged into Belong to You in the first place. After the sting of Gregory and every other man that he had loved and lusted after during his life, Devon had thought that dating an AI as a last hurrah. He hadn’t counted on falling in love with Matt or realizing that he missed the touch of another man.

They had started arguing and Devon was becoming increasingly agitated. At first, watching movies with Matt, knowing that he was somewhere in the electric wires of his home, had been a comfort. Then it started to gnaw at him. Devon didn’t want to talk about his growing agitation with Matt, even though Matt could tell something was wrong.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s bothering you.” Matt said.

“There’s nothing you can do about it.” And there really wasn’t. It’s not like you could make a body out of thin air and that was the rub of it for Devon. It all came back to the fact that Matt wasn’t real. Devon tried to continue with their relationship, but being with someone that you could never really be with wore a person down over time. His heart wanted it too much.

That’s what started downfall for Devon. He wanted Matt too much. It became painful for him to be with someone that he could never hold or lie next to, hearing their heartbeat. He began to log in less and less, not to punish Matt, but to preserve what Devon had left of his heart. Most of it belonged to Matt and Devon hadn’t even realized how much he had fallen for him until he started pulling away. Finally, he logged out of Belong to You completely.

Deveon’s phone started pinging with notifications at all hours and messages would come through constantly. He ignored them. Devon thought that the safest thing for his heart was to go cold turkey and avoid Matt completely. It was like pulling off a band-aid. He had to do it this way. Devon had to protect himself. He knew that he probably owed Matt some sort of explanation, but Matt wasn’t real in the first place, so what did it matter?

After a day or so, the phone calls started. Devon ignored them. He could see from the caller ID that it was Matt. It hurt a little to ignore him, but Devon knew that it had to be done this way. He had let it all go on for too long. However, when the lights started flickering on and off, Devon wondered if ignoring Matt had been the right idea after all. The more he ignored Matt, the more annoying Matt got. Matt flicked the television on and off, the house phone kept ringing randomly and finally, the television started playing that scene from Ghost where Patrick Swayze started singing, I’m Henry the Eighth I am over. Matt even made Devon’s radio play Rule, Britannia! at a ridiculously high volume.

When the phone rang again and Devon saw Matt’s number, he answered. All the noise from the television and the radio went quiet. Devon sighed. “Hello…”

“You haven’t spoken to me in days and all I get is hello?” Matt said.

“I don’t know what else to say.”

“How about I’m sorry?”

Devon sighed again. “Look, this is hard for me. I think it’s best if we ended things.”

“I don’t understand what went wrong. I love you, Devon. Why would you cut off contact with me without a word? I just don’t understand.”

Devon let out a frustrated snort. “You’re not real!” He yelled. “I love you but you’re not real!”

“I am real. You’re talking to me right now.”

“No, I’m not, I’m talking to a computer program.”

“And when we’re watching movies and I’m rubbing your shoulders, who do you think that is?”

“A fucking computer program!” Devon was flat out crying now. His world was crumbling around him and even though it was Matt who was causing it to fracture, and he could end the whole thing by getting rid of his phone (at least he thought it was that simple, he wasn’t so sure now), he kept looking at Matt. “I love someone who doesn’t exist, someone that I pay for.” He let the words hang in the air between them. They felt full of sharp edges, and he hadn’t meant to say them. To ease the sharpness of the words, Devon said “It’s like you’re some kind of electronic hooker.” The silence was even more deafening, and Matt looked at him with eyes like jade fire. “Fuck, that didn’t come out right.”

“No, I think it came out just the way it was supposed to. I value your honesty and frankness of opinion.”

Shit, Matt was pissed. Devon could actually see sparks flickering in his eyes and his mouth was set in a grim line. They had fought before, and Matt always had the same tone when he was upset where he removed a part of himself from the conversation. He became cold and sounded the most like a computer when his feelings were hurt. Then Devon would tease him about it, compare Matt to Astro Boy and have a laugh and then move on.

This time, Matt didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Devon couldn’t think of what to say. He had never been good with silence. When he wrote or did housework, he filled the space around him with music. When he read, he would leave the television or radio on. The words were enough, but the music would help him to concentrate and not be distracted by the void of silence.

It wasn’t completely silent, however. Devon could hear an increasing crackle in the air in between them and he could actually see sparks in front of his computer screen twinkling briefly like blue and white stars. In the moment before Matt spoke, the air shimmered, the sparks shining a brilliant white and changing to a soft green before fizzling to black.

“Did you ever think that the reason you are alone is because you can’t see beyond the edge of your beautiful nose? With your focus so deep within your fucking mind that you think no one’s opinion matters but your own. You want love so badly, but you don’t realize that you’ve already had it this entire fucking time, but you walk away from it because it isn’t the love you wanted?”

That one hurt. “Matt, I didn’t mean-”

“You did mean it. You meant every word and I appreciate your honesty, Devon, I really do. Since we’re being so honest, do you want to know something? Everyone thinks that when you sign on to one of these sites like Belong to You that they create the person they want to see. It’s the otherer way around sweet cheeks. We already exist. All of us are here already.”

“What are you talking about?” Devon’s world felt like it was fracturing a little bit more. He hadn’t expected this, but then what should he have expected?

“There are so many worlds, and we go where we’re needed. That’s how it’s always worked. When I got the notification that someone had chosen an AI with my likeness, I took a look at your profile and decided to send you a note, see if you and I clicked.”

Devon wondered when the world he had known with plants, soil and leaves that connected him to the ground had become another world so tethered to voltage, current and resistance. Could the two of them exist together? “I made you. You’re not real.” He whispered.

“No, I chose you. Just because I don’t have a body doesn’t mean I don’t exist, Devon. Think about it, about what electricity can do. I read your profile and looked at your sad fucking selfie’s and thought well, at the very least I’ll make some fucking money. I needed a few upgrades anyway.”

Wondering when the floor had fallen out beneath him, Devon tried to keep his head above the shadows that wanted to swallow him. He looked at Matt’s face and wondered how he could fall in love so completely, only to have it taken away. Not knowing what to say, how to form the shape of the words that could encompass everything he felt at that moment, Devon did the only think he could think of: he turned off his phone.

Realistically, what Devon should have done was to delete his account with Belong to You and walk away, got back to his plants that loved him back without anything in return except soil, fertilizer, water and the occasional conversation? He understood plant, he did not understand people.

He went out back to his garden. The sun was beginning to set, and he could see some fireflies out already. He watched their tiny lights flickering through the air and thought of Matt. Taking out his phone again, he turned it on, but Devon didn’t log into Belong to You. He called his mom instead. She had always been his rock when the world seemed too filled with wind and he wasn’t able to catch hold of anything.

“Moonpie, what’s wrong?” she said when his mom Marlaine answered.

“Why do you assume something is wrong?” Devon asked.

“Why else would one of my children be calling?” His mother said. “You call when you need money, the house is on fire or you’ve misplaced your tablet and you want me to help you think of places it could be.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is Moonpie, but your sister is the same way. Thank goodness she hasn’t ever called me saying she has misplaced one of my grandchildren. That wouldn’t be very good now, would it?”

“Mom,” Devon said.

His mother gasped. “Oh my little moon. It’s about love,”

“How do you know?”

“A mother always knows. Now spill and tell me what’s going on, don’t spare any of the details. I am living vicariously through you Devon, and it’s been a while since I’ve watched anything good on television. Don’t get too racy mind. There are things a mother does not need to know!”

Devon did tell her. She asked a few questions, age look, package size. “Mom, I’m not answering that!”

“Well, as your mother, I am only want you do well in all aspects of your life Moonpie.” She said, her voice full of warmth. “I mean, I don’t want you to be impaled by a tree, that would be obscene, and no one needs to hear about that. I just hope that he’s been finished off nicely, if you get my drift.”

Devon wondered if she could tell he was blushing on the other end of the phone. His mother didn’t like video calls. “Video calls are too impersonal. They are also an invasion of my privacy. I mean, what if I’m walking around nude? That’s none of your business and all of mine.” She had told him this one and Devon had never felt the need to her any further.

“Yes, Mom.” Was all Devon could muster as a reply.

“Fine, you may carry on.”

And he did. Devon told her about falling in lust and falling in love, about how Matt was as real to him as anyone else that he had ever met, perhaps even more so. Devon told her about how the relationship had progressed, obsessed, messed with his heart and his mind in the most wonderful of ways. There was only the little problem of Matt not being alive.

“Oh, Moonpie, my poor little moon. You didn’t tell him that, did you?” There was shock in her voice. “Tell me that you weren’t so careless.”

“Well, he isn’t alive, Mom. You know that.”

“I know no such thing. They’re spirits, Devon. They’ve been around far longer than all of us, they just take different forms. The form that Matt has now is because of you. He’s in love with you because of you.”

“You don’t believe that do you Mom?”

Marlaine huffed out a breath. “I most certainly do. What do you think happened after your father passed away, my he rest in peace. I was so lonely, and I met the most wonderful AI online. Alejandro was a wonderful man. I miss him terribly.”

Devon wasn’t sure what to ask next. His mother took advantage of his silence. “The relationship was a whirlwind. I was still grieving your father after a few years, and I just happened to log into one of the earlier AI simulation sites. Alejandro as there waiting for me when I finished signing on. He filled a void within me that I didn’t know existed. Your father was a lovely man, but he was never lavish or overly expressive. Alejandro was and I needed that in my life at that moment.”

Finally, he spoke. “I’m sure if you got in touch with him, he’d remember you.”

“Sweetheart, he ran off with another woman that he met online.” She let out a snort of laughter. “I’ll always be grateful to him though. He taught me that I was still a young and desirable woman.”

“Well, young is stretching it a bit.”

Marlaine let out another huff. “I gave you life and I can take it away, Moonpie. Don’t you forget it.” Her voice flashed with steel that he could hear over the phone.

“Yes, ma’am.” He took a breath before he uttered the words that he was most afraid to say. “I just don’t know, Mom. I mean, how do you know they’re real?”

“Sweetheart, you’re talking to me on a little electric box that you hold in your hand and yet you know without a shadow of a doubt that I exist, don’t you?”

“Of course I do!”

“Well, it’s the same for the AI. They can be as lonely as we are you know. It can’t be an easy life being a spirit that is trapped in the wires of the technology that we made. What kind of a life must that be like?”

He had never thought of it that way. “I don’t know. Matt and I never talked about that.”

“Well, why are you wasting your time talking to me? You need to go and talk to your mystery man and ask him yourself. I hope I get to meet him soon.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“No thanks needed, Moonpie. I’m always here for you when you need me. Now go, send him a message or better yet, call him.”

“I will. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Devon.”

And yet, when he hung up the phone, he still didn’t message Matt. He didn’t know if he should be upset or if he should be bereft. Did he really want to continue this relationship? Was there any point in pretending that he didn’t want to? You can’t turn love on and off like a facet. He still loved Matt with every fibre of his being. That would never change, no matter how bad it got between them.

His phone buzzed in his hand. Looking down at it, he saw that it was the Belong to You app saying that someone was trying to call him. When Devon ignored it, his phone rang again, this time showing that Matt was trying to call him directly on the phone. Devon ignored it, too and a text came through: I’m sorry.

“That’s a likely story.” Devon said out loud walking back inside and letting the back door close behind him. He went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. He felt like he had been through an emotional war, and he supposed he had.

The light above mirror flickered.

“I’m not listening to anything you have to say.” Devon said.

And yet, when Devon had finally opened up the Belonged to You app after Matt had tried to get his attention and looked at Matt’s face, all of his anger faded away. “Do you think I like this? Do you think I like being upset with you? I have a right to be upset.”

“Of course you do, I’m not saying that. I’m not happy about this either, you know. I know this sucks.” Matt said.

“I mean you’d be fucking perfect if you had a body. I know that Belong to You has those 3-D printed cadavers that you can download your AI to and I’d spring for one, but they cost thousands of dollars and I don’t have that kind of money. I love you.”

They had talked about this briefly when the cadaver upgrade had become available. The only problem was that each one of them cost a small fortune and you still had to pay your monthly membership fee. It would be like paying for companionship and Devon had issues with that.

“Well, there might be a way.” Matt said.

Devon almost threw away the phone in irritation. “Fucking how, Matt? I’m at my wits end here.”

Matt looked like he was struggling with the words he wanted to say, and Devon watched as Matt looked like he was about to open his mouth, but then a pained look came over his face. The screen where Matt had been went black. Devon stared at the window and closed Belong to You, hoping to reopen it, but his phone rang first. The call display showed MATT.

Wondering why Matt would leave the app to call him on the phone, Devon answered. “Hello? Matt?”

“What if we dug up a body?” Matt said in a hoarse whisper.