Who I Had Become – A Poem

I hadn’t beenIMG_0726

through the suitcase

for some time.

It had sat

forgotten in my

storage locker. I

unzipped it and

found many forgotten

items. Among them

was an engagement

ring that a

man from my

past had given

Its shine

was gone, its

lustre dimmed. I

did not remember

who I had

been when he

had placed the

ring on my finger.

I could picture

him though: a

little lost, afraid,

surrounded by people

in the bar

where he had

given his proposal.

There was never

any question in

his mind that

I would accept.

I wore the

ring but after

only a little

time, it felt

too tight, as

if it was

burning my skin.

This was not

a fear of

commitment, but only

what I would

become when I

was wedded to

him. I remember

one of the

first things he

said when meeting

me face to

face for the

very first time.

“Well, you can stand to lose a little weight, you’re quite fat. I’ll design a workout for you though.”

There were no

terms of endearment,

only criticisms. He

would look at

me after I

had said something

off the cuff.

“Oh, my little freak. Who’s my little freak?”

As I came

to know him,

I realized how

little we had

in common, how

little we had

to talk about.

“Why do you read so much? Would you please put down the book and stop ignoring me?”

That was his

constant bitter refrain.

“What joy can there be in books, my little freak?”

When I found

the ring, all

this came rushing

back to me,

condensed into a

single memory, as

if there was

a time lapse

camera inside of

my head. I

saw who and

what I had

been. It was

made even more

clear to me

what I had

become. I was

stronger, I was

more whole and

made complete by

the love of

a man who

loved me unconditionally,

who loved everything

about me, who

cherished every thing

that made me

all of who

I was. I looked

at the ring

with no remorse

for what had

transpired, no hate

towards that man,

nor did I

hate who I

had been. Instead,

I looked at

the ring and

said, softly:

“Thank you for showing me that I was worth more. Thank you for showing me what I didn’t want. Thank you for showing me that I was stronger than I thought I was.”

Then I let

the ring fall

from my fingers

into the trash,

along with who

I had been.

I turned away

and instead focused

on who I

had become.

One Comment on “Who I Had Become – A Poem

  1. This was a lovely read. His negging of you was really unfortunate. I don’t understand “negging” and why people do it! It’s just mean and useless. Glad you were strong enough to make a decision that was right for you!

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