There is a twin inside of me,
one that rarely sees the light
of day, or feels the light inside
of me. He doesn’t stop to ask,
to comprehend, to contemplate.
All he knows is emotion, pure
and unadulterated. However,
whereas I try to live my life
holding light, within the light,
he knows only darkness.
As he is my twin, the yin to
the yang to my light self,
his emotions are mine.
When he takes over,
I can see myself through his eyes.
I can contemplate his actions,
try and stop him, try to hold him
back from doing something he
will regret. But there must be
darkness to appreciate the light
just as there must be light
to appreciate the darkness.
I’ve struggled with him,
with who he is and have
a terrible time convincing myself
that he is myself at my most
dark moments. After the whirlwind
of his emotions, I spend a day or two
taking myself to task for giving in,
for entertaining such thoughts and actions.
I get mad at myself for letting him take over
and then I get angry with myself for being angry.
It is an almost unending cycle
of self abuse and self loathing. However,
there is light at the end of the tunnel.
It shines bright amongst the shadows
that linger within me. Within that light
is my salvation, my relief, my breath.
I often see myself walking down
a tunnel, one hand holding shadows
and one hand holding light.
He’s walking beside me.
Eventually, he sees how tired I am,
how weary, and he reaches out to take
the shadow. But there’s light at the edges,
twinkling like stars. Just as there is
darkness within my light, adding depth
to the brightness that shines forth.
I walk to the exit of the tunnel,
the light glorious on my skin.
As I walk into the light, I look back
only once. He is standing there,
watching me go and I wonder,
fleetingly, when I will see him again.