To the person that said:
“How’s the MS? You’re looking a little shaky today”,
I can say only this:
Thank you for reminding me,
through your concern,
how far I’ve come.
towards the end of the workday,
I could feel my spoons dwindling.
I only had two,
maybe three left.
Inside of me,
Max Shadow and Cybil Paulsen are always waiting,
wishing for a moment where I am weakened.
It’s a constant struggle,
one I tackle every day.
Even when I have a lot of spoons,
the battle between them will rage on within me,
so I’m never sure who is causing what.
If the spasms,
lack of motor control or dragging feet are caused by Cybil or by Max.
There was a time,
not so very long ago,
when I couldn’t walk and where life was only shadow and smoke.
I almost didn’t get up.
I very nearly,
after I gathered my strength and my spirit and clasped them together in an embrace,
I walked with a cane.
I was able to let go of the cane and just walk.
my feet have taken me everywhere,
to other worlds,
places I never dreamed that I would go,
even with Max Shadow and Cybil playing tug of war within my skin.
They are unpredictable houseguests.
I never know what they are going to do,
or how many spoons they will use.
But it doesn’t matter.
I will keep getting up,
I will keep going,
I will live.
even if my legs are shaky,
or my speech is slurred,
even if my brain filled with cobwebs and pixie dust or my body exhausted,
I will live and remember how far I’ve come.