Number-one bestselling author
How cool is this? An article I wrote on weight loss and it’s been published in The Huffington Post!
I don’t like writing about myself, but it’s a challenge that I engage in regularly. Readers of my blog dealing with having Cerebral Palsy and Multiple Sclerosis will know this. You can read Two Steps at a Time here: http://www.two-steps.org
This is the first time I’ve written about my weight loss. When I wrote it, I called it Rebuilding the Temple. I’ve lost 140 pounds on the path to find myself. It took five years to do it, but I did it!
You can read it here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/09/09/weight-lost_n_5790924.html
I hope you enjoy it!
a candle inside
of me. With
every touch, each
caress, each brush
of your lips
against mine,
the flame grows.
I had thought
the flame to
be extinguished, only
a mere finger
of smoke that
moved and undulated
inside me. Now,
the tiny tongue
of flame is
a light all
its own inside
of me. Every
time you tell
me those three
simple words with
a precious magic
all their own,
(I love you)
each word like
a caress along
my heart, the
flame grows brighter
still until I
am filled to
the brim with
love and light
for you.
filled with smoke
when I came
in. They all
looked up at
me: Frank Fatigue,
Bob Balance, Steven
Speech. Travis Tremors,
Brian Brain Fog.
Sergio Spasm was
there too as
well as two
other shadowy shapes.
I looked at
all of them
and wished all
of them away.
Seven could see
the look of
distaste I wore.
“Come on, don’t be that way. Take a seat. We’re playing poker.”
I grumbled something
about needing a
cup of tea,
but Brian waved
a hand at
me. He let
out a laugh.
“Come on, it won’t take long. We’ll make it a short game. What’s the harm?”
The harm was
that I didn’t
like any of
them, that I
wanted all of
them to go
away and leave
me as I
was, as I
had been. Brian
was especially perceptive,
and I knew
he could read
my mind, having
shared so much
of it with
me. He nodded.
“We don’t like it much either. You’ll have to take that up with Max Shadow.”
One of the
shadow shapes moved
into the light
and I saw
Max Shadow for
the first time.
He was thin
with pallid skin
and long greasy
hair. He looked
like what I
imagined Flagg from
the Stand would
look like. He
smiled at me.
“Did someone say my name?”
He said, his
voice as oily
as his hair.
The other shadow
moved into sight
and I saw Cedric
Paulson for the
first time. He
looked like me
from a younger
age, but stretched
into adulthood, as
if he was
not fully in
control of his
thin limbs. He
looked as if
a stiff wind
would knock him
over and his
hands were shaking.
“Well, if you’re playing, so am I.”
He said. His
voice sounded unsure
of itself, as
if he was
not used to
standing up for
himself. He sighed
and his shoulders
dropped, though the
rest of him
still shook slightly.
“That is, if there’s room.”
“Of course there’s room.”
Travis said. His
voice was cheerful,
even though it
shook. He gave
me a smile.
“Come on, we saved a seat just for you.”
Sergio motioned with
his hand, also
smiling at me.
“Come on, it’s a good seat. Look, I have a cup of tea right here.”
He reached for
a cup on the
table, but back
chose that moment
to seize up
and when he
spoke next, it
was with obvious
pain. I motioned
to Sergio flippantly.
“Will he be all right?”
Max Shadow gave
me an oily
smile and a
small mirthless laugh.
“Of course he will. You’re okay, aren’t you?”
I didn’t know
how to answer
that question, so
moved through the
fog of smoke
and took my
seat. They watched
me as if
afraid I would
bolt from my
chair and run
from the room.
They all puffed
smoke out of
their mouths. I
did not, but
watched as the
smoke formed animals,
like each one
of them had
a Patronus of
some kind, an
animal that represented
their force. I
coughed and waved
my hand through
the smoke. Cedric
let out a
laugh and passed
me the deck
of cards. He
motioned to me.
“It’s your turn to deal.”
I took the
cards in my
hand and went
to shuffle them.
It was then
that I saw
they weren’t playing
cards. They were
tarot cards. I
looked up at
all of them,
not understanding. They
looked back at
me. Finally, from
inside a cloud
of smoke, Max
Shadow spoke softly.
“The game is simple, really. Draw five cards and see what they have to say.”
“What kind of poker is this?”
“Well, the stakes are a little high, I’m afraid.”
He smiled, his
teeth shining through
the smoke, and
held out his
hands to the
side, as if
to say mea
culpa. He motioned
to the cards.
“You just have to see what they say. We’ll all be playing along with you.”
“How is that possible?”
“We’re part of you and anything is possible. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”
I blinked my
eyes and they
were gone from
the room. However,
I could feel
them in me:
Frank, Bob, Steven,
Travis, Brian, Sergio.
Max and Cedric
were there too.
They were all
looking through my
eyes. I sighed
and shuffled the
cards, thinking my
question silently. I
closed my eyes,
just for a
moment. Then I
drew three card
and looked down
at what the
cards had to
say.
same every year.
The day after
my birthday, a
thin crust would
begin to form
on my skin.
Throughout the year,
it would grow
tougher, as if
made from stone
or marble. It
would grow thicker,
It would become
more difficult to
move as the
year passed on,
harder to move
my body as
I wanted to.
The evening before
my birthday, the
crust would begin
to crack and
break, flaking off
and falling to
the floor. I
would sweep the
pile of dust
up off the
floor and place
it in a
small cloth bag.
I don’t know
why I kept
the dust, why
I held onto
right somehow, like
I was expected
was different. The
layer of thickness
that covered my
skin began to
break and crack
the evening before
my birthday. However,
when the shell
that had made
a mould of
my body began
to break, it
slipped free to
reveal something different
about my body.
I had wings.
They were tattooed
along my skin
but if I focused
on flying, they
slipped out of
my skin and
would flutter in
the air and
I would rise
up a few
feet. When I
didn’t want to
fly, they would
rest once again
along my skin,
simple lines of
ink. I panicked,
wondering what was
wrong with me.
I gathered up
my cloth bags
of dust and
brought them to
a wise woman.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong with me?”
She looked at
the tattooed wings,
ran her fingers
along them. I
made the wings
flutter for her.
She then looked
at the bags
of dust. I
looked at her.
“This was not made from a shell as you describe.”
“What was it then?”
She looked at
me with eyes
that were a
deep, dark brown.
“It was a chrysalis.”
Her words sent
my wings fluttering
anew. It seemed
that they agreed
with her assessment.
“I don’t understand. It’s always been just a shell before. Why now?”
She put her
fingers in the
most recent cloth
bag and took
them out. Pinched
between her fingers
was a glittering
powder. She let
it trickle from
her fingers and
it glittered in
the soft light.
“Would a shell produce this? As to why now? Well, the butterfly goes through several stages. The Chrysalis is just one of them.”
I shook my
head in bewilderment.
“Why now?”
Her brown eyes
saw so much.
They saw right
into the core
of my heart.
“Because you were ready.”
“I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do.”
She laughed lightly
and the sound
was calming instead
of being jarring.
“Isn’t it obvious? What does a butterfly do when it leaves it’s crysalis?”
I shook my
head, not knowing
how to respond.
She simply said:
“It flies.”