Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
Rain, Breath and Water – A Poem
I swam with the rain above me.
It gently lashed at the windows,
creating a whisper that echoed
in the air.
A woman entered and waved.
I called out a
Hello!
and moved to the left side of the pool.
I knew that she was afraid of water;
she liked to use the wall to guide her,
give her a sense of safety.
I kept swimming,
the music of rain and my breath
joined by the music of release
as she slipped under the surface.
A while later,
another person entered.
I merely waved to him
because I knew that he was deaf.
Giving me a smile,
he motioned to where I was swimming
and tilted his head to the left.
I knew that he liked to swim
against the wall as could not hear.
He didn’t want to worry about
someone he may not see
on either side of him.
Nodding my head,
I moved to the centre of the pool,
which was now filled with the sounds of rain,
the gentle coo of breathing,
splashes and the soft noise of
bodies moving through water.
As I swam forward,
I found myself gently rocked
between the powerful movement
of the people on either side of me.
For a moment,
I let myself be rocked and listened
to the sounds of rain.
The Brightness of Stars – A Poem
*To my Beautiful Husband.
You have become a magician to me.
Time has bent and shifted around us.
I can still recall that moment
right before we said our vows.
As I approached you,
I could see a line of light that connected the two of us,
its glow showing me the way to you.
My stomach was so filled with joy
that the butterflies within became airborne
every time I opened my mouth.
When I focused on you to find my centre,
the light between us shimmered,
and the love we had for one another
filled the entire room.
When I looked into your eyes,
I could hear a song that existed only between us,
the air filled with the brightness of stars.
When we spoke the words that would connect us
and my lips found yours,
I believed that magic was real.
You are a magician because you help me
to see myself as I really am
and to find the best of myself,
even when those parts of me
are hidden in the shadows.
Nine years with you have passed
as if they were but a day.
I look forward to what the stars
can show us as the light between us
continues to grow and the possibility
of magic yet found makes our world
shine bright.
light/night – A Poem
I am in a deep slumber when a
light
goes off in my mind,
and I am staring into the dark,
wondering how I will fall asleep again.
Instead of letting my mind fill with worry,
which is what I usually do,
I focus on the sounds around me,
letting them lull me to sleep:
the wind is howling outside my window,
singing in its whispering wail.
My beautiful husband sighs beside me,
lost in a hopeful dream.
From a spot between my feet,
I can hear our cat snoring contentedly,
his purrs a soft motor on my ankles.
The moment before the
night
takes me once again,
a thought comes to me:
I’m happy.
Followed quickly by another:
Crap, I hope I didn’t jinx anything.
Grief for a Writer – On the Closing of Cobblestone Press
It’s no secret: I love love.
I love the act of being in love, the bliss of being loved and the infatuation that becomes lust and hopefully turns into love. I have always been a romantic at heart, so it should come as no surprise that I cut my writing teeth with romance novels.
My very first romance novel, Valentine, was published by Cobblestone Press LLC. They were a diverse and inclusive publisher that gave my voice a home. When I began writing the book, I had no idea what I was doing. I have always read romance novels. Caridad Pineiro, Nora Roberts, Diana Palmer, Linda Lael Miller and more were my constant companions and the worlds that they brought to life for me were filled with characters that I grew to love.
Before I started writing Valentine, I took a look online to see if there was anyone writing gay romance novels. There wasn’t a lot to choose from back in 1998. I’m not sure how I landed on Cobblestone Press, but once I found the site, I became overjoyed. There was a platform for me. They actively published gay romance and LGBTQ erotic romance novels.
It took me a while to write Valentine. I had heard an old myth about how Valentine had been a cleric who had been marrying people in secret against Emperor Claudius II who had forbidden any kind of marriage. He was jailed and watched over by Asterius, his jailer and protector while Valentine waited for execution.
Asterius had a blind daughter. The legend goes that Valentine gave a handwritten card he had made to the blind girl and upon trying to read the word, the girls sight was restored. I loved that myth and wondered what would have happened if Valentine and Asterius fell in love with each other. What kind of things would happen then?
The book grew from this idea and ended up spawning two other books. Valentine also launched me into the world of M/M romance. At the time, I assumed that my books found an audience with gay men that wanted to read fiction with them at the forefront. I didn’t know that most of my audience was women and I loved that so much when I learned who was reading my books.
I would go on to write forty-two romance stories for Cobblestone Press. I even taught a workshop for Cobblestone Press on how to write M/M romance that I called Riding the Lighting (which should be out later this year). I loved being at the forefront of gay romance and M/M erotic romance. I wrote for Mari Gras Press and Breathless Press, too. My first number one bestselling book was Hard, the book that launched the M/M romance line with Breathless Press.
Both Mardi Gras Press and Breathless Press closed their doors, but Coblestone stayed strong…that is until the owner and operator or the press became ill. Still, she pushed onwards until she couldn’t anymore and it was announced that Cobblestone Press was closing its doors. I thought I would have time to prepare, that I would have time to properly honour the press that had given me so much. However, the announcement was made and within the space of a day, Cobblestone Press was no more.
I have been grieving in a way. I mean, I learned so much writing for Cobblestone Press. I learned about structure, pace, character and setting through the edits of all my Cobblestone books. I learned about synonyms while editing Valentine. If the writing had been fun, it was nothing compared to the editing. I remember getting the first-round edits on Valentine and the editors note saying such lovely things as: “A dick can do more than grow hard. It can thicken, pulse, throb, vibrate, etc.” It was an eye opener for me. I knew that the editors were merely helping me make a better story with more fleshed-out characters, but with each book, I kept trying to find more words that would suffice.
I will miss Cobblestone Press. It was the platform I told most of my stories on. I am grieving for the loss of a publisher that gave me a voice and my stories and characters a home. I will miss Cobblestone Press and everything that they stood for.
The books I published with Cobblestone Press will be republished, but it won’t be the same. I will always and forever be grateful for them. I’m the writer I am today because of Cobblestone Press and I am so thankful for the gift that they gave me.
Take a click below and check out some of my book covers.
Trying to Find Comfort – An Update
I’ve been rather quiet on here.
That has mostly been because I’ve been busy. I finished the first draft of my new memoir last week and I’ve been so intent on finishing that. You know when you can see the end in sight? When I get like that with a book, I just plug in and keep going. I have a terrible habit of working on a lot of different projects at once, often writing and editing two different books at the same time and painting at the same time. The words and the paints have been even more of a comfort lately.
I just knew that I was so close to finishing the first draft of Someone Else’s Life, I knew that I had to give it my full attention while my memory was good and the memories were fresh in my mind. The more I wrote of the memoir, the more memories showed themselves, climbing out of the shadows of my mind. While the going was good, I went with it and writing this book has taught me a lot about myself and the foundations on which make up a lot of who I am today. I’m going through the book and writing the second draft.
Once I’m done the second draft, I will send the book out to beta readers to see what needs to be reworked and or changed before it goes off to the editors. I’m planning on self-publishing it sometime within this year, but no idea when yet. I have the ideas for my next book written out and it will keep until I’m done with Someone Else’s Life.
I’m also working on stuff for Minotaur. It’s hard for me to believe that after so long in my mind, the book is out there in the world and people have been reading it! Its wonderful and nerve wracking at the same time to have the book out there. I’m hoping to organize a book tour and some interviews. I’ll keep you posted on news as it develops, but things are in the works.
There are a few more projects I would like to complete. I want to put out a book of short stories; I haven’t had a collection in years. I’d like to put out a new book of poems, and I have an idea for a follow up to Minotaur. I’d like to have another art show, and I am always being called to the easel for something.
But the thing is, I’ve also been trying to make myself a priority.
I’ve also been going through a bit of a difficult time and struggling with my mental health more than usual and I’ve taken the time to rest, recuperate and find my centre. I didn’t want to lose myself to the forest again. Too often, I push through and keep pushing until I’m exhausted. I don’t want to do that to myself anymore. It’s hard to stop the cycle of forcing myself to work against the grind of my own mind, body and spirit. I can’t continue without making myself a priority.
Too often, I just keep going. I keep writing, painting, working full time and I just push through it and keep going until my body stops me. That’s my usual pattern, but I wanted to try something different this time. I wanted to honour the creative work I do by honouring myself. I can’t create if my body won’t let me. I have been trying to find my balance and that should start with me. I can’t create from an empty well, and everything starts with me, including my frame of mind. More than anything, I’ve been trying to find comfort in a world which I no longer makes sense.
It’s been a difficult journey, but I’m trying to unravel the foundation’s that gave me the bad habits that push me so much. I no longer need to fight in order to survive, I have to focus on living. It’s hard to let go of that way of thinking. I’m trying to undo trauma and find myself within the reflections of who I have been in the past. I need to be able to see who I have become in the mirror, too, not just who I have been.
Stay tuned for more coming soon I promise. I hope you are all well in the world that has become so difficult to understand.
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Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 