Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
Gallery of the Mind – A Poem
I’m sitting on a marble bench
and the headset I’m wearing
brings a voice into my head.
Its tones are familiar,
the timber of its words
feeling like a caress.
“If you turn to look at the canvas on your left, you’ll notice the primal aspects of the piece.”
Turning to look,
I take in the dark shadows of a man
who has obviously raised his fist.
The mans shadow falls along the figure
of a child. When I look at this child,
I recognize myself
“You’ll notice that the artist brings the viewer into the very moment they learned fear.”
I remember those moments,
there are too many to count,
instances of abuse that were framed
as fatherly discipline.
The voice directs me to another piece of art.
“If you look at the painting on the right, you’ll notice that the artist embraced the abstract.”
I look upon a canvass that looks
as if it were made of shattered glass.
There are letters that are scratched
into the surface, as if with a nail,
spelling out the word FREAK.
I see my face in the glass
looking back at myself,
broken into pieces and I try
to pull them back together.
“In this piece, the artist shows us one of the moments where he learned to hate himself. I do wonder though, is the artist the freak? Or the one that thought him to be one?”
I want to yell at the voice,
tear the headphones from my ears.
I remember the man who called me freak,
surprised that I can recall his voice
so clearly in my head.
How long have I been holding on to this?
“Now, if you look to the piece in the middle, you’ll notice that the artist has embraced colour.”
I look at the centre painting and recoil.
In the painting, I am on an island looking lost
within myself. I can see the blue waters
that are choppy and violent as they eat away
at the sand. There are trees the surround me
and the leaves look like they are made of flesh.
In the corner of the canvas, I can see a man in the shadows,
forcing the water to take more of the island.
Soon, I will have nothing to stand on and will drown.
“We have to wonder at the artist’s isolation. Did other man do this to him? Or did the artist let the shadow man pull him away from everyone?”
Remembering the trauma he put me through,
to the point where I doubted my own sanity,
almost losing myself to the darkness of the trees,
I pull the headphones from my ears and the silence
of the gallery is almost deafening.
Turning away from this trio of paintings,
I am struck by a fourth. Within it,
there is light that is parting the clouds,
filling the canvas with a warmth
that is missing from the other three.
I can hear the wind and it sings to me.
Upon the wind, I can hear the voice
that calls to me softly,
speaking in the unknown language of the heart.
There is a path within the painting.
Wondering where it leads to,
I stand and leave the headset on the marble bench,
walking away from all the pain
that I have carried for so long.
When I reach the canvas,
I stretch out my hand and touch the glass
that covers it. The glass shimmers
and I can hear the wind more clearly,
feel the sun shining down on my face.
I take a step forward into the painting.
Standing on the path, I know that the only way
is forward. I take one step and then another,
not knowing where this path will lead,
but knowing that I will find
a new direction within
myself.
A Hand, A Heart – A Poem
I find it hard to believe that I’m here again.
I’ve realized that I’ve never really left
the forest, merely wandered to the edges of it
so that I could keep its leaves and branches
in my sight. As I’ve circled,
the shadows have moved and shifted,
changed with time, but they have remained.
There have been times where I wondered
if it would be easier to let the leaves
of the blood trees slide across my skin
to mark my journey instead of the passage
of time. As I stand here in the midst of the trees,
that whisper so loud within, I find myself
turning around in circles, trying to ignore
the voices that whisper in the dark,
urging me to walk into the shadows
and not look back. I keep trying to find
an exit, but how can I find one
when the forest has been within me
all this time? A hand reaches in
through the shadows making the leaves
rustle and complain and when the hand
reaches my own, it gabs hold and pulls me
through the shadows, away from within,
towards home and my heart. I know that
the trees are still within, but I will find a way
to lessen the whisperings so that
I can hear the beating of my own heart
and find my way home again.
Captain Maven and the Shadow Man – Paperback Available Now!
Huzzah!
At long last, the paperback copy of Captain Maven and the Shadow Man is available!
Here’s a bit about the book:
It’s Christmas time in Ottawa.
Captain Maven is a superhero with a broken heart. After a bad breakup, he hasn’t been himself. The other superheroes in their group have been worried about him, but all he can do lately is look into his cup of power and remember what used to be. Finley, who controls fire, tells Maven to call his ex, but Maven knows that he can’t do that. He’d rather be miserable, even if it is Christmas.
When the nefarious Cracklepuss starts to kidnap children, they all know that they don’t have much time. However, this time Cracklepuss is not acting alone. There is a man that walks in the shadows, thankfully Captain Maven seems to have drawn the shadow man’s attention. When the shadow man endangers Gregory, Captain Maven’s ex boyfriend, Maven knows that their time is limited.
Can they save Gregory, find the shadow man and rescue children and the city of Ottawa from oblivion all before Christmas? A superhero’s job is never done!
You can get your copy HERE!
This novella came out in an odd way during a difficult time. I truly hope you enjoy Captain Maven’s first adventure as he strives to safe the people of Ottawa and his love life.
Another Year of You – A Poem
* For Marg with love
For as long as I’ve known you,
you have been a symbol of strength
for me, being brave enough to
carve out a new path for yourself
when you didn’t like the one
that you found yourself on.
You have had to handle a wide mantle
of emotions, but have always been able
to see the good in others and yourself,
even when life made that difficult.
Often, you have reminded me,
with sage words of advice,
which direction I should head in
when I’ve lost my way.
You make such a difference
in all the lives that you touch
and in every life that surrounds yours.
We celebrate you every day,
honouring you and the gift that you are
in all of our lives.
As we come together to honour you,
we celebrate another year
of having you fill our lives with
the gift of joy
that only you can bring.
On Shadows and Patience
I’ve only had one book come out this year.
Normally, I would have had a book with one of my publishers come out and I would have self published several books. I remember years where I had a new release almost every month. I would be writing one book, editing one book and promoting another. Even during the pandemic, I had a lot of releases.
Around the end of 2021, I realized that I couldn’t keep going at that speed. I was wearing myself out and I needed to take the time to fall in love with the act of writing again. I knew that my new years resolution would be to slow down and really take care of myself and find the balance that was lacking in my life. I realized that it wasn’t the amount of work I published, it was the quality of the words that I wrote that mattered more.
At the end of every year, I write a holiday themed story and give that away to my readers. I wrote one for 2021, but it ended up being a novella instead of a story. That novella ended up being Captain Maven and the Shadow Man. Though it is a tale of a band of superhero’s that all have different powers, and they work to keep the streets of Ottawa safe, it’s a personal story for me like all of my work. This was my attempt to make a frightening situation like having to take chemo into something lighter.
I decided to try something different. Instead of publishing it on a free to read service, I would publish a chapter a day on my blog. The one drawback was that I couldn’t tell how many people downloaded it, though my blog got quite an increase in readership, which was lovely.
Part of my decision for doing that was to not have another release that would fall into the shadows, lost amongst the shuffle of the other books I had released that year. The story was special and meant a lot to me, so I wanted to try something different and see what would happen. However, the story I wrote nagged me a little. It wanted to go out into the world and sparkle.
In April of 2022, I published the ebook through Amazon and Kobo. Again, I thought that was it, that publishing the ebook was all I was going to do, it was out there in the world. I kind of put it out there with little to no ceremony, a random blog post and some fanfare, but that was it. For some reason, it occurred to me in September to try and put out another paperback. I knew that it would not be a Halloween tale, but that I would finally, almost a year later, put Captain Maven and the Shadow Man out in paperback.
Since publishing my book of poems, Covidly Speaking, earlier this year, I haven’t publishing anything. I knew that I wanted to take my time with Captain Maven and the Shadow Man, that I wanted everything to look right and to feel good. To that end, I’ve just submitted the files for the paperback for the fifth time. While going through the layout for the paperback, I noticed things that had messed up with the formatting, so I took my time with it because I wanted to get it right.
Publishing Captain Maven and the Shadow Man has been the ultimate staggered release, first on my blog, then ebook and now in paperback. Throughout 2022, I’ve had a real focus on my mental, physical and spiritual health. I needed to find the balance within my life and within myself and this has involved therapy, meditation and various other things that bring me comfort like Tarot and Oracle card and crystal therapy. In order to take care of myself and my health, I can’t keep driving myself to exhaustion. I had to remember that just as it’s not the quantity of work that I put out into the world that matters, so too did I have to remember that I can’t give from an empty cup.
I had to really work at self love which is something I have difficulty doing. I’m getting better, but it’s a process, much like the publishing of a book. I’ve honoured myself this year by not letting myself be driven to publish everything I’ve written. I have taken my time and have found a balance, even if it sometimes feels wonky. Growth and healing are a journey and so is publishing anything in any format. Part of healing is being open with yourself, much like putting a book out into the world that will be read and either loved or hated.
On this journey, I feel like Captain Maven has been cheering me along the entire time. It’s been a long journey for the both of us. Since I have been taking my time with the paperback, I even went through the layout and plot description for the ebook as well. I figure it’s all about making the book, and me, shine. Right?
Much like Captain Maven has to deal with the Shadow Man, I’ve had to deal with my own shadows this year. I’m in a good place now and I know that’s because I’ve taken the time to just relax, slow down and enjoy the flow of life and the words within.
Captain Maven and the Shadow Man should be available soon! In the meantime, I will be taking a deep breath and looking towards the future.
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 