Number-one bestselling author

I don’t think there was a time that I didn’t know I was gay. I just didn’t have the words to talk about who and what I was.
When I was eight years old, I knew that I was not like other boys around me. I knew that I wasn’t what people considered “normal”. Growing up, I was constantly reminded that it wasn’t okay to be gay. My father would often make derogatory remarks or comments about gay people, about fags and dykes and would rail on what would happen to me I turned out to be one of them. I just pushed myself further into my closet, not wanting my sparkle to show. However, glitter tends to leave a trail.
I remember taking sex education when I was in elementary school and I crawled further into my closet when the teacher told us that sex could happen between only men and woman. That stayed with me for a long time. I think it shaped a lot of the shame that I carried with me along with the sparkle. It was another confirmation that I wasn’t normal, that I didn’t deserve love. If sex could only be between a man and a woman, where did that leave me?
All through high school, I wasn’t popular but I wanted to be. I craved it like every other person who wanted validation from others. Looking back at it, I think I mostly wanted to be accepted for who I was completely, even if I couldn’t put a name or voice to what I was and what was different about me.
Even though I tried to keep the sparkles in the closet and tried so hard at keeping the glitter off of my hands, my natural sparkle would always end up showing. With the benefit of hindsight, I know that I was the last person to fully understand what I was and give voice to it. I was afraid to be gay and terrified to be myself.
There was a point during the end of high school where I tried to slit my wrists, I was so afraid to be gay. It came after my group of friends shunned me. They kept asking me “Don’t you know what you are?” and “How can we be friends with someone like you? I don’t want to catch it.” I took a knife to bed with me that night. I had thought about how I would do it. I couldn’t see myself taking pills. If I was going to do it, I wanted to feel something, anything but the void I felt within me. Though I hacked at my wrists, I couldn’t cut deeply enough, the knife that I used was blunt and not as sharp as I hoped and I didn’t dare find another one and risk being seen. Even now, when I’m writing this, I can still look down at my wrist and see a tiny white scar, a reminder of that time and the fear and self-loathing that filled me.
It would take moving away from everyone I knew to reinvent myself; more, to just be who I was all along. My coming out was certainly unconventional. I was in university and I was sitting with a group of friends. My best friend at the time, Sheenagh, was watching me with knowing eyes. She saw, you know? She could see into you and pull out the words that you were too afraid to utter except in your dreams.
She leaned into me and whispered, “What’s wrong, little Wolf?”
Sheenagh waited patiently for me to answer, the noise around us like a kind of animal music. “I think I’m gay.” I told her quietly.
She let out a soft laugh. “Oh, I don’t think your gay honey. I know you are. Am I the first person you’ve told?”
I nodded and tried to hide my face in shame, but Sheenagh took hold of my chin and pulled my face up so that I was looking at her. “Never be ashamed of who you are, Jamieson. You have to own it. Stand up and shout out loud, let people hear you!”
She stood on one of the cafeteria chairs and shouted “I am a bisexual moose!”
Now, Sheenagh was just one of those people that attracted others. They weren’t afraid to follow her lead. Others stood up on their chairs.
“I am a gay porpoise!” one person shouted.
“I am a lesbian chimpanzee!” One man said.
“I am a bisexual walrus!” said another.
“I am an asexual horse!”
Soon, the cafeteria was filled with people that claimed they were every kind of animal, from gay giraffes to lesbian gazelles. It was a zoo of people that were comfortable enough with their sexual identity to proclaim it to the world. Sheenagh looked down at me from her perch. “Your turn, little Wolf.”
I nodded and stood shakily on my chair. “I am a gay Wolf.” I said quietly in a voice that was almost a whisper.
She shook her head. “You have to shout it.” She said. “You have to own it!”
I nodded and took a breath in. “I AM A GAY WOLF!” I yelled. Everyone around me clapped and Sheengah smiled.
“See, I knew you could do it.”
I called my parents soon after. My mother had the best response. “Oh sweetheart, I’ve always known you were gay. How was class?”
I tried dating a few times and got hurt badly. I hit a downward spiral and couldn’t find my way out. I was young and sexually confused and pulled myself back into my closet. I kept the door open, but it was more comfortable here and denying who I really was and lying to myself were comfortable hairshirts. Though my glitter wanted me to be completely fine with who I was, I dated two other women after coming out of the closet. I tried to tell myself that I was bisexual, that I was attracted to both sexes, but it wasn’t true. I wasn’t being honest with myself and I was not honouring the light within me. I didn’t want to hide anymore, not even a small part of myself. I wanted to be completely me and to shine as brightly as possible. It was what I had been trying to do all along.
I stepped out of the closet for the last time. Looking back at it, the closet looked to small to hold all of me. A journey that had begun when I was as young as eight until I was nineteen was finally over. I looked at the glitter that covered everything and made me shine so brightly. Walking away from it, I knew that it would be a hard journey, but every step would lead me to who I was supposed to be.
However, even if I was comfortable with who I was, it didn’t mean that society was. I remember when gay marriage was legalized in 2005. It honestly felt like something was in the air and that change was coming. I looked out the window and expected the sky to be filled with rainbows. It remained stubbornly blue.
A neighbour across the street called me over. “Hey Danny.” I said. He was pretty backwards in his way of thinking and I never knew what he was going to say when he spoke to me.
“Did you hear?”
“What?”
“Your kind can get married now.” He shook his head.
“My kind?”
“Yeah, you know, fags and fudge packers.”
When he said this, I was reminded strongly of my father. “You mean gay or queer.”
“I don’t know about happy, but you are strange. You must be happy now that they can’t kill you for being what you are.”
This wasn’t the first time that people felt comfortable sharing such a negative world view with me. Around the same time, a co-worker said “I just can’t understand why your mother lets you be gay.”
I looked at him with shock. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Well, your mom is Lebanese, right? How can she let you be gay.”
“My mother has always encouraged me to be exactly who I am.” I told him. We drifted apart after that.
A few years ago when I was at work, a co-worker found out I was gay and said “If you came to my country, they would kill you.” Needless to say, we didn’t become best of friends after that.
Three years ago now, when my now husband and I were out to buy wedding rings, we were walking down the street holding hands. Behind us we could hear a man yelling. We didn’t pay him any mind. He could be yelling at any number of people. As he got closer to us though, it became clear that he was yelling at us.
“Hey!” He yelled. “Hey!”
He reached for us and almost pulled our hands apart.
“My son shouldn’t have to see filth like that.” He said. “So unnatural. You shouldn’t do that kind of filth in public!”
To calm him and the situation, we stopped holding hands and walked into a store. It shook me to the core that someone had almost assaulted us for the simple act of holding hands. I think of that moment when we let each other’s hands go, where we felt unsafe because we were doing what everyone else is allowed to do. I remember the look on the shopkeepers face when we walked into her store. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” Her eyes were filled with pity.
I seem to have had a lifelong relationship with sparkles. I often wonder if I am just made of wishes and stardust given shape. When I need to, I sparkle as brightly as I can, if only to ward off negativity. As I look back my journey with my sexuality, I can only think that I’m lucky that I’m here. I’m lucky that I’m still sparkling. I still struggle with self-love and self-compassion, but thankfully, my being gay has nothing to do with that. It’s just trying to undo many years of negative thinking. Thankfully, I have sparkle to spare. I just have to sparkle all the brighter.
I’m proud of myself for being able to live my truth. I love that part of me that shines like a star from within. Have sparkle, will travel and what a journey I’ve been on already. I can hardly wait for the next one.
Happy Pride Month everyone!

My novel Love and Lemonade has been nominated for the Best GLBTQ+ Book of 2019 by the Love Romance Café. How amazing is that? You can find them here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/296632580438555/ Voting will begin soon but for now we are celebrating! What better way to celebrate than with a contest?
Three lucky winners will receive all the books in the series so far in the ebook format of their choice: Lust and Lemonade, Life and Lemonade and Love and Lemonade. You can read the Holiday prequel to the series for free by clicking here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/911759
All you have to do is comment below with the answer to this question: What drink features prominently in the series? Yep, it’s that easy!
This contest will run from May 30th June 30th! I will pick three winners at random and those winners will get all the books!
Can’t wait until then to start reading? Well, my publisher, the lovely Renaissance Press, is having a Stay at Home sale! You can get 25% off your purchase! How awesome is that? Just use coupon code STAYHOME to get 25% your cart if they buy your books from Renaissance! You can do that here: https://pressesrenaissancepress.ca/
I’m so thrilled at the nomination for Love and Lemonade! Not only was it the end of several storylines within the series, it is also the first of my books to feature a character with a disability. In this case, I chose to write what I know and the character has multiple sclerosis.
Whatever happens, I’m honoured just to have my book recognized. A lot of work went into it and I’m so proud to have written it.
Don’t forget to enter my contest! It runs from May 30th to June 30th!
More news coming soon, but until then happy reading everyone!


I finished a novel that I had been working on for almost a year. It almost didn’t get finished.
The Queen of Swords is a dystopian novel that takes place on an earth that has been forever changed. When our heroine finds herself trapped in an airplane, she finds her way out only to see find the world she knew covered in blood and the sky filled with smoke from fires that are still burning.
Since 2014, I’ve had an idea in my mind. I wanted to write about the Fools Journey from a Tarot deck and use the cards as the backbone of a novel, giving it signposts along the way to propel the plot along. It took me five years to work up the gumption to attempt writing it. In my original idea, it would feature seventy-eight chapters, one for each card. However, that seemed too large to me, too much. I decided to keep it to the Fools Journey and only tell the story of the Major Arcana. I would write twenty-two chapters.
Even that seemed long to me. My novels range anywhere from five thousand to sixty-four thousand words. I don’t write long books but I knew that this one would be long. It would have to be to tell the whole story. I knew this book would push me in all sorts of different ways: it would feature a loose outline when I normally don’t plot a single thing about my novels, it would have long chapters and I knew tell the story that it would be a longer book than I normally write.
During the writing of it, I worked on other shorter novels, released a book of love poems, a few romance novels and painted. However, I always came back to The Queen of Swords and I kept telling Jackie’s story, wanting to find out where it would all end up. Jackie, the main character of The Queen of Swords, and her world thrilled me and I wanted to explore as much of it as possible.
Then the pandemic happened.
I normally work through difficult situations by turning to positivity. The Queen of Swords is not what I would call a positive story, though there is humour throughout and it and I knew that it would have a (hopefully) positive ending. The thing is, I didn’t want to work on a story set in a dystopian world when it all of a sudden felt like I was living in one.
I began working something that surprised me. I started work on Nancy Boy, the fourth book in my Lemonade Series. I wrote twenty thousand words of that book in two weeks. Writing has always been a comfort for me and has always given me somewhere inside myself that I can go when life gets too difficult or I just feel like exploring.
During that two weeks when I wrote about Nancy, and friends, Jackie from The Queen of Swords kept poking me. She kept telling me that I wasn’t done telling her story and that she would wait patiently for me to finish telling it. I turned to writing poems, short stories, flash fiction and yet Jackie from The Queen of Swords was still poking gently at me with one of her swords.
My mother and I were having a video conversation on Facebook messenger and I was telling her about my issue with writing The Queen of Swords and the pandemic. She looked thoughtful for a moment and said: “You know, maybe writing a novel about a pandemic during a pandemic would strengthen the novel.”
It was all the encouragement I needed.
I dived back into the universe of The Queen of Swords with what can only be called gusto. I was averaging around a thousand words a night and sometimes over that amount. The words seemed to be pouring out of me, wanting the story told as much as I did. When the hit 70,000 words, it became the longest book I had ever written. It kept growing and hit 80,000 words and then 90,000 words. When it hit 100,000 words, I was tongue tied and overjoyed.
I think what made the novel easier to write was finally knowing what had caused the disease that had ruined the earth. I even worked some of the pandemic that I was living into the novel. I guess in that way, life inspired my art.
It also helped me to deal with my anxiety. I’ve never dealt with anxiety in my life before, so this was new to me, the slowly growing feeling of panic that would hound me and would not be denied. I found that I could ignore it if I wrote. It was quieter somehow because my brain had something else to concentrate on. At several points during the novel, Jackie also deals with fear an anxiety. It felt right having her journey mirror the one that I was going though.
Just as Jackie walks the path of the Fools Journey, I followed along with her. Just as Jackie learns about herself, I learned a lot about myself, too. I learned what I’m capable of and that it is possible to climb the flat mountain and to come down the other side. I learned that the impossible is just a trick the mind plays and that everything is possible, sometimes it just takes a little time.
I wrote a wonderful long novel, something you can sink your teeth into and try to figure out as you go along. I hope I like it as much when go through the first round of edits. I’ve also come to realize that Jackie’s story isn’t done yet. A tarot deck has three part so it: the Major Arcana, the Court Cards and the Minor Arcana. That means there’s another two novels to come.
It seems my journey has just begun.

Each of us is like Rapunzel in her tower.
We look down at the world around us
and we wonder what brought us to this.
Though we let our hair down,
in hopes that someone will grab hold,
no one does and we are left alone.
As I come down from my tower,
I walk in a world that used to be filled
with a multitude of other people
but now contains only emptiness
filled with a loud, deafening silence.
When I do see people in the distance I wave,
happy to see others at long last,
but there are magnets within us that we cannot see
and we are pushed apart,
the distance growing between us.
We wave at each other,
almost as if we have forgotten
what the company of others feels like.
The panic is a constant companion
and I can feel it within me
almost as if it was a bird.
I can feel its wings flapping
as it tries to take flight,
yet there is nowhere to go but further inside of me.
I wonder if the bird will eventually
find its way out and fly from my mouth
into the very air that I have grown to fear.
I picture myself watching as the bird
flies away and, for a moment,
wish that it would let me ride on its wings.
I push the panic and the fear down,
trying to summon the light
that I know is within me.
It will vanquish the fear and the panic
that have become such strange bedfellows.
They’ve grown stronger with every passing day,
as we are kept inside our homes with the television
feeding us a diet of even more panic and worry.
The uncertainty is almost a physical presence
and with each day there are new blooms along my skin.
When I do see other people,
coming down from their own towers in the sky,
their skin is covered in the same blooms,
coloured with the same hues
of uncertainty, worry and fear.
However, if this is a war that we are in,
we should be in it together.
Just because we are separate,
does not mean we are alone.
Even so, I have difficulty finding
the light within that I need to beat this.
I think of the last time I hugged my mother,
or the last time I was able to hold a friend’s hand
while I offered them comfort in a moment of sorrow.
I will think of the laughter that I shared with others,
the simple act of sitting close to one another.
It has only been a couple of months,
but it feels like it has been a year,
for each day feels longer than the last
and they have lost their name.
I do not recall which day it is
and I have become lost in time.
Yet with every day, I yearn to be kinder despite my fear.
I know that in this way I will grow the light within me.
The light will grow brighter with every act
of positivity, kindness and generosity that I can preform.
The only way to prevent the spread of the virus
is to remain far apart from each other
and shine brightly into the night that seeks to separate us.
The windows of our towers will light up the darkness
so that the sky looks like it is filled with stars.
That way, others who may be lost in the dark will see our light
and they will know that they are not
alone.