Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
Dear 2024
Dear 2024,
If I had to pick a word to summarize you, that word would be balance.
You were full of so many wonders, weren’t you? I did my last round of chemo this year which took a lot out of me but helped me to learn a lot about myself. I needed to learn balance and you taught me that balance can be achieved not if I stop completely, but if I slow down and choose wisely what I want to do with the energy I have.
I had to learn that I was precious. I don’t need to do anything if I don’t want to. I also don’t need to everything, everywhere all at once. You offered me advice and showed me that I am still capable of magic. It doesn’t matter if I do less, everything I produce creatively is still a part of me. If I produce less, that just increases the magic these pieces contain.
You also showed me that I can’t keep giving myself away. There were three different endings I had to see myself though, three different relationships that had come to an ending. Change is difficult for me. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I’m a Leo on the cusp of Virgo. I’m willing to embrace change, but I must know everything about that change before I jump in.
I know that the relationships that we have with others sometimes last a lifetime. Other times, the relationship is only for a short time, and I must be okay with that. I have difficulty with endings. Beginnings are no problems; I can throw myself in and embrace all that it has to offer. Endings are more difficult.
I said goodbye to a friend I’ve known for over a decade; another I’ve known for over a year and a third professional relationship that I’ve known for a handful of years. It doesn’t matter the amount of time you’ve known someone; endings are always hard. I kept holding on to reach of these tendrils, hoping that the threads of the relationships would lead me back to where we began in some way, that something could be salvaged from them. In the end, I’m left with the happier memories. I will hold on to those and remember the happiness as opposed to holding on to the negativity.
However, new relationships were built and I’m looking forward to establishing a relationship with a new publisher in 2025. I have that to look forward to and that’s something to celebrate.
I also had to find balance within my body. I’ve taken all kinds of new medication this year and it’s taken a toll on my body. I watched it shift and change in front of my eyes as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was no longer a question of what I would change about myself to become beautiful. I had to confront what was beautiful, and most importantly, my ideals of what beauty was. I had to learn to fall in love with myself again instead of wishing to change myself. I had to learn that I was worth of self love and that, by finding balance, I also found the quiet stillness which let me confront the voices that were telling me to hate myself and to figure out who those voices belonged to.
After a long break from therapy, I started seeing a psychologist. They have been a great help trying to work through traumas from the past and things I’ve been holding on to that I no longer need anymore. I realized that the break from therapeutic help was needed so that I could appreciate it more when I chose to enter into it again. It’s a hard thing to look at yourself and try and change old habits. I’m learning more about myself and that’s the main thing.
It was a year of discovery. You asked me to confront my fears a lot over the space of a year. You helped me to build core memories that would get me through the more difficult times and to explore the world at the same time as I explored within myself to see what I was truly capable of. There were so many joys this year: my first art show, the fall colours cruise, many celebrations that would light up the year.
And yet, everything comes back to that word balance, doesn’t it? I would normally spend a portion of this letter to you detailing the number of books and stories I had published. I didn’t have anything published this year. Normally, this would have sent me into a panic about not being productive enough. Before 2024, my creative output was always SO MUCH. I was always trying to outrun the disabilities that I live with and prove I was more than a condition.
Truth is, after a year of learning to enjoy the small moment and the simple joys, I know that even though I live with cerebral palsy and multiple sclerosis, I’ve always been more than my disabilities. They are pieces of the tapestry that make up who I am, and I hold the many facets of myself within my grasp. I just have to look within each facet as if I am looking into a kaleidoscope. Though nothing makes sense, there is an underlying element of beauty in everything if you look at a situation in the right light.
As I approach 2025 and whatever the new year may bring, I know that I don’t stand at a precipice, waiting to jump off. I stand at the edge of a cliff, spreading my wings so that I can finally learn to fly.
Thanks for a heck of a year. Here’s to 2025!
Jamieson
The Map On My Palm – A Poem
I’m looking down at the red line
that connects me to you.
I’ve been trying to find the journey that I carry.
As I look down at the roadmap of my palms,
the paper surface of my skin crinkles as I turn it this way and that,
trying to read lines that show where I am,
and where I have been.
I am innovative,
trying to find new ways to do things so that I can find my voice.
My positivity is my armor,
because I need to keep going.
I celebrate the bond we have.
You are able to clear away the clouds that haunt me.
I was afraid before,
hard on myself for not fitting a societal ideal of the male form.
You’ve made sense of where I need to be.
I never thought I’d find the one,
the one who felt timeless,
where today,
tomorrow,
next month,
next year all felt the same and where time held no meaning.
I love how you help me to appreciate the moment for the magic it is.
You’ve made me see myself,
even when I don’t want to look in the mirror;
you show me that there is nothing to fear in my reflection.
I am comfortable when I escape from the mundane,
You will be beside me,
for we are on this adventure together.
I push the limits of what I can do,
trying to learn the boundaries of my body.
I know that you will be there to catch me when I fall.
You always see me for who I am,
I can be myself with you.
The depth of our love is within my skin,
red thread creating a map over my palm
that has led me to you.
A Promise to Myself – A Poem
Every morning,
I hate the first thing I see in the mirror.
Instead of focusing on what I hate about myself,
and what I want to change,
I will let the light from within
shine forth so that I can see myself
as I truly am.
My body is a forest,
covered in roadways,
train tracks and lines
that show where the treasure
can be found.
Within me,
there is night and day,
light and dark,
and I answer the call of the elements.
How can I expect such a wild thing like myself
to be comparable to anyone else?
My journey is my own
and I go where the wind
takes me.
The Best Books of 2024!
It’s that time of year again. I can’t believe that we’re already halfway through December. I’ve gone back over the year, and it’s been filled with so many good books! I had a difficult time bring the list to just ten books, so this year it’s eleven. This year held a lot of difficult moment for me, and I wanted this list to feature the books that brought me comfort and made me forget the difficult times. These are the books made me feel like I was home somewhere within their words.
The normal rules apply: the books had to have been published this year and could be from any genre and the numbers are not indicative of rank. They were all awesome and helped to get me through one heck of a year and were my touchstones in a time where a lot of my life felt uncertain.
All the books on this list touched me in some way. Their words crawled into the soil of my mind so that more thoughts and emotions could grow in my mind garden. They are books that inspired me and helped me to realize that I matter, that my life should be celebrated and that being unique was not a curse, but an advantage.
I don’t care how a book was published, if I connected with it in some way, it’s on the list.
Here are my Best Books of 2024:
Upon the Midnight Queer by ‘Nathan Burgoine
I loved this book so very much. Bugoine give us eleven tales of Christmas retold from a GLBTQ perspective and does so this so wonderfully. What’s wonderful about the collection is that every person who felt othered by Christmas will find their home within the stories contained in this collection. This book was so good, the stories so incredible, that I often found myself stopping to think on what I had just read. It’s a book that made Christmas feel like home to me. It contains magic, love, wrongs made right and it’s everything I could have hoped for. Read theses stories and feel seen, heard and loved.
Queen of the Mist by Caroline Cauchi
A novel based on a true story, Queen of the Mist is a novel about female empowerment, togetherness and about rising above what others think possible. Annie Edson Taylor is a heroine of epic proportions not only because she went over Niagara Falls in a barrel and survived, but because of who she was. She was an older woman that many looked upon as finished in life and at the end of her years. Annie shows that, no matter what other people think of you, it’s what you think of yourself that makes you capable of anything you set your heart to. A beautiful novel full of characters that became friends by the end, it’s a tale I will read again and again. Captivating and so damn good. Annie became a kindred spirit and she will stay with me for a long time.
Bits and Pieces by Whoopi Goldberg
This book was a surprise for me. I love Whoopi Goldberg as an actress and as an author. She’s starred in so many of my favourite movies. This memoir took me behind the scenes of her life and what it was like during the filming of certain films. It’s not a complete memoir, but as the title suggests, merely bits and pieces about her life that are important to her. I was expecting something incomplete, but instead was treated to a lovely book filled with memories that felt as if I was looking into photographs. Inspired by the passing of her brother and her mother, Whoopi Goldberg has given them both life again in this beautiful and heartwarming book. When I finished it, I was uplifted and joyful.
Bring Me Sunshine by Alex Brown
Alex Brown’s novels always bring me somewhere special and make me look at life in a different way and this book was no exception. It’s the story of Gina who is living a lonely life in a loveless marriage and is caught in a life filled with mental and emotional abuse. She finds refuge and finds herself by visiting an island she had fallen in love with so many years ago in her youth. Kalosiros in Greece is still alive in her and when she goes back to the island, she finds the parts of herself that she left behind and allows herself to find life and love again. Brown always tells women’s fiction in a different way, dealing with the pricklier issues that life throws in our way. What’s more, she does so with heart and care. I reacted so much to this book, having survived a marriage and a relationship that was full of mental abuse. When Gina takes her life back into her hands, I cheered and what a joy it was reading along as she found herself again.
The Infinite Heist by Stephen Graham King
How do you perfectly blend humour, the coolest space system ever known and a delight group of characters just trying to find their way through life? Added to that intergalactic awesomeness, fantastic dialogue, representation and mystery. I mean, c’mon! King’s world is so wonderful and when I read his The Infinite Heist, I found myself in a world filled with intrigue and heart. King’s world building is amazing, but it’s his characters that shine. By the end of the book, I felt like I had read about friends that I’ve known for years. I read this over a grey and rainy weekend, and it was wonderful to be one of the crew of the Maverick Heart. I can’t wait to read this book again and take flight into space.
The Psychic Art of Tarot by Matt Auryn
I’m always reading about tarot in some way. Whether it be through a new deck or a new tarot guide, I always have one on the go. I look forward to Matt Auryn’s books because they ask me to look at tarot and witchcraft in different and new ways. This is the tarot book that I didn’t know I needed to read. I use tarot cards every day to delve into my emotions and what’s going on around me. I had no idea that I could use the tarot for developing my psychic ability or that such a thing was possible. I love how Auryn took me through the whole process, and it actually helped me to know my decks better on a more psychic level. The book is beyond incredible and I’m so thankful that Auryn wrote this book. It’s given me something else to look forward to in the mornings when I draw my daily cards. This book brought me so much joy.
Slow Dance by Rainbow Rowell
I LOVE Rainbow Rowell. I adore the Simon Snow series SO MUCH and was looking forward to reading Slow Dance. Being her first adult novel since finishing the Simon Snow trilogy with Any Way the Wind Blows was released, I was keen to see where she would take me on her new adventure. Slow Dance tells the second chance romance between Shiloh and Cary and it’s SO lovely. It really is a slow dance, and I found myself getting frustrated and falling in love with Shilow and Cary, but what a dance it is. You’re given their wonderful story and when they finally come together, it’s joyful and so damn good. I heart this book, so much that I got myself a signed copy. Amazing heartfelt writing with real characters and a happily ever after. What more could you want?
The Blackbird Oracle by Deborah Harkness
I was so happy to hear that Harkness was continuing the All Souls series! I was ecstatic when I learned that we would learn what Diana and Matthew were up to since The Book of Life. I wondered if it would feel like a natural continuation, and I was happy to discover that I was sucked into the story. It’s got magic, lust, family lore and it pulls you along on a story that just flows off the page. I know Mathew and Diana so well by now and was thrilled when Harkness built on the already established world that she’s already created and what a story. This novel is brain candy of the highest order, and I can’t wait to read it again.
Geist Fleisch by Christian Baines
This novel was a complete surprise or me. I mean it had everything: a distant country, a man travelling to find himself (or Mr. Right Now), portals to the past, vampires, love, ghosts, people banding together to understand the mysteries of the world and trying to follow their hearts, no matter where the heart might lead them. It defies genre and does away with any kind of trope. There is nothing cliché or formulaic about this book. That’s a tall order for any book and, in another writers hands, it would be a huge sloppy mess. However, Christian Baines manages to pull off the impossible. He combines everything and somehow makes something new. What an absolute gem of a book.
The Third Gilmore Girl by Kelly Bishop
I am a Gilmore Girls fanatic. I’ve watched the series four times through (currently working on the fifth round through the whole series and the reboot that came out in 2016.) Stars Hollow is one of my forever homes and when I hear that Kelly Bishop was releasing a memoir, I knew that it would be wonderful. Kelly takes us through snapshots of her life, telling us tales of what it was like to be in the original cast of A Chorus Line and her life, both personal and professional, up to and beyond Gilmore Girls. I learned so much about her and just fell in love with her story. I loved this book so much that I have the ebook, the hardcover and the audiobook. The Third Gilmore Girl is an incredible look at a wonderous life. I’m so thankful that I was able to experience Bishops journey.
Triad Magic by ‘Nathan Burgoine
Do you know what it’s like waiting for the third book in a trilogy for a long time and then having the book in your hand? The book you never thought you would be able to read, and the story is finally in your hands? Better yet, when you finally read the book, and it goes beyond what you had expected but blows those expectations out of the water? Yeah, that’s Triad Magic by ‘Nathan Burgoine. I was surprised by how fast I read this book. I read as much of it in each sitting as I could and finished it in two days. This book went beyond my expectations and filled me with so much happy when I was finished. I can’t wait to go back and read this book again. Now that I know what happens, I want to read the trilogy from the beginning again and enjoy the whole tale at once. Yes, this book is that good.
~
I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the authors of the amazing books on this list. Their words got me through so much this year and brought me comfort in a sea of uncertainty. Thank you all for making 2024 an amazing year and thank you for captivating me.
I can’t wait to see what books 2025 will bring.
Geist Fleisch by Christian Baines – A Book Review
When Callum travels from Nottingham to Berlin, his only hope is to find himself.
Well, if he were being completely honest, he hopes to find himself in the arms of a German man. He’s heard tell that the men in Germany are a little bit freer and more liberal than the ones in Nottingham. They are not afraid to embrace the taboo of being gay.
Thankfully, his cousin Anne has given him houseroom and support. She knows well what it’s like to be different in a world that would have you behave a certain way. Callum feels a certain kind of freedom in Germany, even though there are still soldiers of the third Reich walking the streets.
When Anne takes him to a lesbian bar, Callum wishes only to drink away his sorrows and celebrate the fact that he’s around people like him. He goes to the water closet to relieve himself and is astounded when another man is within, promising Callum the wonders that he has been seeking since leaving the safety of Nottingham. He follows the man back out into the bar and realizes that it’s somehow turned itself into a completely different establishment.
He goes further into the bar, looking for his cousin, and that’s when he realizes that the bar is filled with men. They are all dancing and drinking together, with no shame for showing their affection so openly in a public establishment. Callum thinks that he has entered some kind of dream when he meets Max. The attraction is instant and, though they are quite taken with each other, Callum can’t help but wonder what caused the scars the mar Max’s complexion.
When he next goes to the washroom, Callum can’t wait to resume his conversation with Max, but the bar that he had been in first has rematerialized and Max is nowhere to be seen. He wonders if it was all a dream. Soon however, Callum is drawn into a world filled with shadows and terrible beings that only exist in fairy tales.
He learns that the darkness hides more than shame. It hides who he is ready to become. With thoughts of keeping Max safe and surviving the ordeal in front of him, will Callum prevail, or will the shadows of the flesh take him, too?
In a word, Geist Fleisch is incredible. It blurs genres. It’s a little bit of everything. It’s part wartime tale, part ghost story, part story of personal growth and Christian Baines does such a skillful job of interweaving all the different storylines to make this book a genre all its own.
The world building is top notch. He brings to life the time of the second world war and Berlin so well, it’s like I was there. I could hear the noises in the streets, feel the wisp of cold fog at night. What’s more, Baines has painted a real and true version of Germany but revealed a world underneath its surfaces that you would swear really existed. It all feels so real and so urgent like it would have been during that time in history.
I walked into this book expecting a jolly romp through Berlin and the treasures that were waiting to be found. What I found instead was a book that I related to so strongly about man going through an awakening, desperate to find himself in world that chose not to understand him and the personal growth that can only happen when you are fighting for something you love. The historical parts of Geist Fleisch do not shy away from what life was like for homosexuals during that time and it makes the story all the more amazing because it just feels so darn real.
It was a pleasure to watch Callum grow as a person and comes into his own light. I loved the fact that I was never able to guess what was coming or what was going happen. Baines did an excellent job of keeping me on my toes the entire way through Geist Fleisch. It defies and does away with every stereotype and trope and instead gives us something more: a novel about the powers of love in a war-torn world and that, if you look out of the corners of your eyes, you might see where you truly belong.
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 