People From My Past – A Poem

We were walking

back from the

coffee shop, drinks

in hand, when

I saw him.

I gestured to

her and made

sure she had

seen. I pointed

to him, saying

That’s my ex-husband.

It was the

first time I had

seen him in

six years. Later,

I wondered at

his appearance.

He was but

the latest in

a long line

of people from

my past that

I had seen

recently. I had

come across people

I used to know,

ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, ex-lovers.

I was wondering

at my lack

of a reaction,

at the absence

of anger that

I felt, that

had carried with

me for so

long. I had

worn my his

betrayal as if

it were a

hair shirt, or

a stone around

my neck. Instead

of reacting in

anger, I felt

oddly buoyant and

light. I walked

over to her

and asked her:

Why aren’t I reacting more? If this were last year, seeing him would have depressed me for the day. I’ve seen all these people from my past and they aren’t affecting me as I thought they would if I ever saw them again.

I paused for

breath and for

what I really

wanted to ask.

What gives?

She looked at

me with that

sage look in

her eyes that

she had and

smiled at me.

You were ready.

She said simply.

You’re a lot better now then you were. You’ve healed. You’re a different person now. You’re on the right path and you’re going where you need to. You wouldn’t be seeing them otherwise.

I nodded and

thought of all

the emotions that

these people had

caused me, all

the hurt, depression,

sadness, angst, rage,

despair and malaise.

I realised that

what I was

feeling right then

and there was

simple, unequivocal happiness.

I let go

of the pain,

of the heartache,

of the self-degradation,

and stopped judging

myself by how

other people from

my past had

seen me. All

that there was

now is me

as I chose

to be and

the emotion of

happiness. I choose

to be happy.

All the rest

is just stardust

and the possibilities

of the future.