Number-one bestselling author
back from the
coffee shop, drinks
in hand, when
I saw him.
I gestured to
her and made
sure she had
seen. I pointed
to him, saying
That’s my ex-husband.
It was the
first time I had
seen him in
six years. Later,
I wondered at
his appearance.
He was but
the latest in
a long line
of people from
my past that
I had seen
recently. I had
come across people
I used to know,
ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, ex-lovers.
I was wondering
at my lack
of a reaction,
at the absence
of anger that
I felt, that
had carried with
me for so
long. I had
worn my his
betrayal as if
it were a
hair shirt, or
a stone around
my neck. Instead
of reacting in
anger, I felt
oddly buoyant and
light. I walked
over to her
and asked her:
Why aren’t I reacting more? If this were last year, seeing him would have depressed me for the day. I’ve seen all these people from my past and they aren’t affecting me as I thought they would if I ever saw them again.
I paused for
breath and for
what I really
wanted to ask.
What gives?
She looked at
me with that
sage look in
her eyes that
she had and
smiled at me.
You were ready.
She said simply.
You’re a lot better now then you were. You’ve healed. You’re a different person now. You’re on the right path and you’re going where you need to. You wouldn’t be seeing them otherwise.
I nodded and
thought of all
the emotions that
these people had
caused me, all
the hurt, depression,
sadness, angst, rage,
despair and malaise.
I realised that
what I was
feeling right then
and there was
simple, unequivocal happiness.
I let go
of the pain,
of the heartache,
of the self-degradation,
and stopped judging
myself by how
other people from
my past had
seen me. All
that there was
now is me
as I chose
to be and
the emotion of
happiness. I choose
to be happy.
All the rest
is just stardust
and the possibilities
of the future.