The Perfect Mess of Living – A Poem

“I don’t know where it comes from.”

I told her.

“This need for perfection. I’m far too hard on myself.”

She looked at

me, her lips

pursed in thought.

“Maybe that’s why you got MS.”

She said. I

looked at her.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the MS is trying to teach you that perfection doesn’t exist. That’s why it was given to you.”

I was shocked

by her words.

She spoke of

MS like it

was a gift.

I knew that

everything happened for

a reason, but

that didn’t ring

true for me.

“I think you’re over reaching.”

I said quietly.

“There’s no rhyme or reason why a person gets MS.”

She thought my

words over but

continued undaunted nonetheless.

“Well, think about it. It’s trying to teach you something. It’s teaching you that you’re no longer perfect, that you have to learn to live with that.”

I remained quiet,

changed the subject.

Walking home, I

the conversation stayed

with me, words

trailing behind me

like a mist

as I tried

to make sense

of them. I

thought she had

the wrong of

it. The MS

wasn’t trying to

teach me about

perfection or my

lack thereof. I

thought harder, the

mist gathering like

a summer storm,

filled with hope

and wishes. I

could feel it

sparkling behind me,

its touch on

my skin like

rain. I knew

that my life

was different now

and that everything

did happen for

a reason, whether

we understood it

or not. So what

was the MS

trying to teach

me? I felt

a tug on

my arm. Looking

behind me, I

noticed a being

made entirely out

of mist vapours.

He looked like

shadow given a

more physical form.

“Who are you?”

He looked at

me but said

nothing. The light

that sparkled from

him grew brighter

and in that

light, I saw

beauty, I could

see solar systems

and stars. The

shape let out

a sigh, the

sound of wind

during summer,

and floated back

into me. I

was filled with

understanding then. I

knew that the

MS was a

gift in a

way. It taught

me thankfulness, it

taught me strength,

it taught me

courage. It showed

me what all

of those were.

I resolved then

and there to

just breathe, to

live and enjoy

every day and

to continue living

my life, come

what may. I

made a promise

to myself: that

I would not

search so hard

for perfection when

it didn’t exist

and to let

go of hurts

that didn’t need

to be there,

to ease up

on myself and

embrace the perfect

mess that I was.

Everything else was

living.