A Map of Stars – A Poem

This poem is for Michael. Thank you for all that you are. 

*

Every action also

creates several possible

reactions, the outcome

of choices that

weren’t made but

still trace a

path against the

stars. Sometimes, it

is as if

I can look

back through the

darkness of my

past and see

what the stars

would have brought

for me if

I had chosen

differently. If, instead

of living the

life I live

now, I had

run instead. When

I first met

you, I was

enraptured, entranced, enthralled;

I was also

terrified. I had

never had anyone

treat me like

you did, with

kindness and compassion,

with understanding and

passion. I did

not know kindness

in my life

from men, had

not known what

it was like

to be completely

accepted and even

cherished by another

man. I wanted

to run so

far away from

you but at

the same time,

there was no

way I could

have. I decided

to face what

frightened me head

on and instead

chose to love

you completely as

you did me.

I was terrified

but my love

for you was

stronger than my

fear. I look

back across the

black sky shining

with stars’ like

diamonds, each star

a mark on

the map that

we have made

together. If I

had run, I

would have missed

every moment that

led up to

the moment when

you first told

me that you

loved me, the

times we have

travelled the world,

the small moments

when I’ve learned

what a real

relationship is like.

I would have

missed the moment

when you asked

me to be

your Husband. I

know that somewhere,

within that map

of stars, there

is another version

of me who

made a different

choice, who ran

instead of staying.

To him, I say

“Look at everything you’ve missed. And everything still to come.”

To you, I say

“I love you.”

Though those words

aren’t ever enough.