I am within the waves.
They are filling my world with noise,
with a torrent of force that
sweeps me through life,
deciding my direction
and taking away my choice.
I go where they take me,
where the waters bring me.
I try to keep my head above water,
attempt to quiet the battle
happening within me and outside of me,
but the force of the water
and the war inside of me is too great.
I dig down deep inside myself
and find a seed of courage.
As I hold it, its warmth spreads through me,
and the noise of the waves softens.
It is as if I am inside of myself and
all I can hear is the hum of that seed,
all I can feel is its heat sliding up my arm.
I look through the waves and see land,
a terrain that I find unfamiliar and foreign.
I know that, even though it is unknown to me,
that it is my salvation. With all my might,
I swim towards that piece of land,
that sliver of green that I can see
through the deep blue of the waves.
The waves sense my growing courage
and they amplify their force,
strengthen their torrent until I am
all but lost under the waters.
Through the sliver of waves that I can see,
a hand appears and grasps mine.
I grab hold of it and let whoever
the hand belongs to pull me to safety.
I let the hand pull me further towards
the piece of land that I was able to glimpse
and it is as green as I had hoped,
full of vegetation and light.
I look to the person who saved me
and am astounded to be looking at myself.
I regard myself for a moment.
He is the me that I used to be.
He is pale from weakness and lack of sun,
but he offers me a smile.
“You looked like you could use some help”
I nodded and said “Thank you.”
“Thank yourself. You helped me, now it is my turn to help you.”
“I don’t understand.” I tell him.
My past self gives me a sage look.
“You don’t have to live amongst the waves. You can choose the direction of your life.”
I look back at the waves.
“Sometimes, I feel as if I’m drowning.”
“Then make another choice. Choose to live instead of merely surviving.”
I nod as if I comprehend. But then I say:
“I do pretty well but sometimes, I forget to do that.”
He takes my hand holding the seed of courage
and unfurls my fingers.
“When you forget how, use this. It’s what its for. Here…”
He takes the seed and pressed it into
palm of my hand. The heat increases
until my body is alight with the warmth and light
that I felt from the seed. I can feel it
swimming within me.
“Live beyond the waves.”
I turn to look at the waves
at the tumultuous embrace they promise.
When I turn back, he is gone from my sight
but I can feel him within me.
I turn my back on the sound of water
and instead turn to take in the land
that spreads before me. I take one step
and then another. I look up to the sky and
feel the warmth of the sunshine
echoed in that small seed of courage.
“I will live beyond the waves.”
I say and take another step
towards my future.