Monster for Love – A Poem

When I awoke,Smaller f and f

my body felt

as if it had been broken

and sewn back together,

only the pieces of my body

weren’t all mine.

My body was re-created,

three pieces came together

to make a whole.

They whispered their names,

these smoky others,

and I could hear them speaking

inside of me.

When I stood,

I had no control

over my body.

I had no concept

of movement

but I had an idea

of what it was supposed to be.

I stumbled around,

attempting to find my way

through the shadows,

trying to regain some control.

I shuffled out into the light,

and was blinded by it,

as if there were needles or knives

within the sunshine.

As I looked away from the sun,

I beheld a rose,

its petals soft and as red as blood.

I tore it from the ground,

for I had never seen anything

quite as beautiful.

I wanted it with me,

to remind me of what beauty was.

My blood flowed from where

the thorns had dug

into my skin, making the petals

redder, more vibrant,

as if they were made of rubies.

I left a trail of blood

wherever I walked.

I struggled onward,

each step painful

and filled with glass,

each step precarious,

as if I were walking

on a tightrope.

My body was a patchwork quilt,

sewn together like a ragdoll.

It tried to fight me

with every movement,

ever single step,

but still I kept going.

I had begun to draw crowds of people.

They looked at me with pity:

“Oh, poor dear. Are you all alone? Well, who would want you?”

They looked at me with hate:

“Stay the fuck home if you want to drink or get high.”

They looked at me with curiosity:

“Are there others like you? Do you live in a commune?”

They looked at me with derision:

“You’re so pathetic. Are you sure you’re really sick?”

I would try to speak to them,

to emote with words,

but my borrowed tongue

merely mumbled and tripped

as I tried to shape the syllables

that I used to know.

Still I walked on,

climbing the flat mountain

that the world had become.

I knew no other way.

Eventually,

I saw a light in the distance.

As I moved towards it,

my steps became surer.

As I walked on,

the flat mountain became more manageable

and I felt less and less like I was made of puzzle pieces

held together by thread.

The pieces had fused together

to form a whole.

When I finally came upon the reason for that light,

I could only stop and stare.

It was a man of breathtaking beauty.

His inner spirit shone

and this was the light that I saw.

When he looked at me,

I didn’t feel like a monster.

When he looked at me,

I felt beautiful

and the scars that ran all over my body

ceased to matter.

When he looked at me,

I knew that he really saw who I was.

I did the only thing I could do:

I held out my rose,

and my heart to him.

Inside of me,

my own light began grow,

starting as a seed

that would soon fill me with brightness.

He moved towards me and

I was unafraid.

I was ready for love.

When we kissed

and he took me into his arms,

the ground below us began

to rumble softly,

as if the earth itself was humming.

Roses bloomed around us and

the sky above us was filled

with stars.

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