I try to find myself
by going inward.
I make my way
past the barrier of skin
that holds a roadmap
made from scars and cuts,
each a reminder
of the road that I’ve been on.
I make my way within
and I can see objects
that litter the floor inside of me:
books and crystals,
each of them shining in the half light,
a tarot card that floats in front of me
so that I am unable to see
what it reveals.
There is the sound of music
coming from the cavern
and I’m unable to place the tune.
I move further into myself
towards a whispering sound
and come upon a sea of words.
The words are from the stories
I have yet to tell.
Interspersed amongst the words
are splashes of colour,
brilliant reds and dark blues,
vibrant purples, each colour a jewel
in the constant flow of words.
I reach down into the water
and run my fingers
through the words and the colours,
they feel electric on my skin.
I see a boat on the rivers edge
and I climb carefully into it.
Letting the boat take me where it will,
As it travels through the water,
the words making a soft whispering sound,
the light in the cavern grows brighter.
I look around myself
and I can see pictures moving
within the flow of water,
people that shaped me,
memories that I’ve held on to,
ones that have given me scars
and others that have taken them away.
I run my fingers through the waters
holding the thoughts I no longer need
and watch them disappear.
I’ve already learned the lessons
that they were trying to teach me.
The boat moves deeper within me
and I can see a light in the centre of a small cavern.
The boat stops in front of it and I get out.
In front of me is a ball of light
so warm and so warm
that I can feel the heat of it
from where I stand.
I approach it and the light zooms towards me,
and sinks below my skin in one quick movement.
It is the light that I’ve forgotten,
a part of me that has remained hidden
for far too long.
As I get back into the boat and head back
the way that I came,
I hold my hands up to my chest
where the light sits within me.
I move back towards the barrier of my skin
and I wonder if I will be able to feel the warmth
when I am back on the other side
and how much brighter
I will be.