a voice of my own – a poem

for ten years,

i’ve held onto the emotions

that you fed me

throughout our time together.

you filled me with

so much hate for myself

that repulsion and disgust

became constant bedfellows.

i let go of that today,

before the new year begins.

i don’t need to hold to it anymore

for it was never mine.

though you gave it to me,

i give it back to you now,

casting the hate into the wind

so that it may find you once more.

there is no need to hold onto

all of the loathing you fed me.

opening my mouth,

i let it out like a cloud of moths

so that it can join the wind

that i am sending to you.

hopefully now,

the voice that i hear when I look in the mirror,

your voice, so cold and unfeeling,

will fade over time

and all that will remain

is a voice of my own.

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