When we first met,
I knew that you were the only possible reason
For the lack of control over my body
which had become a vessel
that I no longer knew or understood.
Listening to the doctor’s voice,
telling me gently that what lived in me
went by the name of multiple sclerosis,
I fell into a kind of trance.
Finally, what had been ravaging my body,
spirit and mind had a name that I could pronounce
like a mantra, over and over, until
it rolled off of my tongue.
When the doctor handed you to me,
I took you from him and when I looked down,
expecting to see a child,
I saw my face in a mirror instead.
Reaching down to touch my reflection,
I knew that I would have to give you
a different name, one of my own choosing
so that I would have power over you
instead of you having power over me.
Looking at my reflection,
I imagined that I could see you
within my eyes, but all I really saw
was another window into myself.
Looking into my pupils,
the black sea of my consciousness,
I could feel the warmth of the stars
that shone from within.
I knew that there was a sea of change coming
and that I could fight the wave and do battle
with you, or I could ride the wave,
let it take me where it would.
I chose to ride the wave.
Though there is another being
that lives inside of me and yet
I’ve learned so much from you,
and how to celebrate my life
rather than regret what it has become.
Every day is a gift
and you taught me that.
Now, I look for the stars
and go where they