The Gift That You Are – A Poem

I am,gift-of-you

first and foremost,

a writer.

I am unable,

most times,

to speak what I want to say.

And so,

like every writer,

I turn to words.

I try to emote without speaking,

paint my emotions across the page with ink.

When I write of you,

I find those splotches of ink,

usually so vibrant,

and alive,

so lacking.

I can’t find the words to tell you what you mean to me.

Usually,

the ink forms letters,

and I can arrange them into shapes,

forming syllables,

sounds,

and words.

I have never known a man as beautiful as you.

I have never been so supported,

so respected,

and so loved.

You love all of me,

every little piece,

even the parts of me that I don’t love completely.

You see me for a beautiful human being.

Seeing myself through your eyes has shown me that I am beautiful.

Before you,

I yearned for love,

for true,

honest and pure love.

You have given me these gifts,

and I am so grateful for you.

I have tried,

over hundreds of pages,

to show you,

through words,

poems,

and stories what you mean to me.

And they all fall short of the gift that you are.

When I speak,

however clumsily,

I try to tell you every emotion,

every thing,

that I have tried to tell you through ink,

over so many pages,

so many words.

When I speak instead of writing,

I can only get out a few words.

There are only three of them,

but I hope they are enough.

with every fibre of my being:

I love you.

Handmade Holidays by ‘Nathan Burgoine – A Book Review

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When we meet Nick, he is nineteen and is alone for Christmas for the first time.

After being forced to leave his parents house, he has gotten himself a cheap bachelor apartment and, because it’s Christmas, a tree of his own. His whole apartment is filled with cast off furniture and rescued accessories.

The only problem is that he doesn’t have any ornaments. He doesn’t have anything. Nick has had to start over and quickly find his footing, leaving almost everything behind. When Nick’s friend Haruto drops by on Christmas Eve, he helps Nick with his tree and gives Nick a gift, a box of candy canes.

When they go to decorate the tree, Nick is crushed to realise he doesn’t have any ornaments to decorate the tree with…until he thinks of the box of candy canes. Haruto asks Nick for a piece of blue paper and folds him a origami crane When Nick places it in the tree branches, he doesn’t know it’s at that moment that the Christmas Eve for the Misfit Toys is born.

As each Christmas comes, more and more people join the Christmas Eve for the Misfit Toys, people who would otherwise be alone but have come together to be with each other. Each year Haruto gives Nick a handmade ornament for his tree.

Nick and Haruto are joined by Matt, Fiona and Perry. Over the years, they are joined by others, other friends and other lovers. The years are filled with presents and with words, always with words.

Nick is a short story writer. Haruto keeps encouraging him to write a novel, to write something longer. Nick always tells him that he’s just a short story writer, but Haruto knows there is a longer story inside Nick trying to get out. Nick just has to tell it…

I loved this story. No, that’s not right. I heart Homemade Holidays. ‘Nathan Burgoine has penned a Christmas classic. My meager plot summary isn’t doing Homemade Holidays enough justice. I haven’t captured the heart and the love that emanates from the pages. I haven’t managed to tell you how beautiful the book is, what with it’s themes of chosen family, of togetherness and of love.

Homemade Holidays is told in the most fascinating way. We are only given a snapshot of their lives, visiting with Nick, Haruto, Fiona and Perry every Christmas Eve. The novella spans fifteen years and we get to watch all of the characters as they grow and change, grow apart and come together again.

The novella also rings so true. When I read it, I could feel the truth in the story. It was as if ‘Nathan has taken a part of his part and made it the centre of a holiday tale. The feeling of truth to this story gives the words more depth and more power. The characters within Homemade Holidays live off of the page and by the end of the novella, I was left blissfully happy and felt full of the holiday spirit.

If you are looking to start off your holiday reading on a good note, look no further. Homemade Holidays has everything you could want in a holiday tale and then some. It left me longing for the holidays when my own chosen family will come together.

Homemade Holidays by ‘Nathan Burgoine is, quite simply, a piece of holiday magic.

 

The Hope Light – A Poem

* I wrote this for Cait because she is awesomeness personified.Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset

 

She descended the spiral staircase

that was within her mind.

Gradually, as she

went

down

each

step,

the light became filled with shadows

and the air became cold.

At the bottom of the staircase,

her feet touched a dirt floor.

She could smell growth and decay.

Taking a step,

she looked around her

and saw only the darkness of trees.

They stretched so high up

that she could not see their branches.

She could hear them whispering.

As she walked on,

the shadows became darker

and filled with smoke.

She could hear the tree branches whisper.

As they spoke,

the words sent shivers along her skin:

“There will be no one else to love you.”

“Don’t you realise that you are alone already?”

“Who would ever love a freak like you?”

“All anyone sees when they look at you is your disability.”

“How could someone love a broken person?”

She covers her ears

and looks up into the sky,

trying to see the tree tops,

hoping to see some kind of salvation

from above.

She stands in the dark forest,

her body quaking with

need

shame

despair

fear

hope.

It is the last emotion that stops the quaking

of her body and starts the shaking of the trees.

The dark forest begins to undulate,

as the light within her

begins to grow.

She holds out her right hand

and a small flame appears,

flickering like a candle,

in the centre of her palm.

She knew that the voices of the dark forest were wrong,

that she deserved love,

she was worthy of love,

that she was not broken,

that she was more than her disability.

As she begins to walk

back the way she came,

her light of hope shows her

what the shadows really are.

They are smoke and whispers,

the playthings of the dark,

nothing more,

only nightmare shapes

that infiltrate her thoughts.

As she ascends the stairs,

the brightness in her palm,

grows stronger and more brilliant.

When she reaches the top of the staircase,

the dark forest of her mind kept at bay for now,

the hope light

begins to hum.

She brings the flame to her ear

and listens to what

it has to say.

On the Island – A Poem

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There are many times

when I feel like

I am on an island.

The skies are grey

and bereft of sunshine.

A sea of people surrounds me

but something inside

keeps me separate.

I am not like them,

for I carry something within me

that marks me as different.

Yet, there are many times

when someone extends their hand

to reach me on my island,

to help pull me to safety,

or to join me in my home

that sits on top of the water.

I am still moved

when this happens,

still shocked when others

remind me that I am not alone,

that human kindness does exist.

In that moment,

I watch as my island

begins to grow

little by little

as if stretching itself free.

Soon, it is so large

that I can go anywhere

that I choose to,

There is an island

inside of me,

but light and kindness

will always help me

to find my way

home.

Tremontaine Season 3!

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I’m beyond thrilled that Tremontaine Season 3 is out! I’m so happy to be back in Riverside, back with Rafe, Micah, Kaab, Diane the Duchess of Tremontaine. It’s a wonderful experience reading the book serially. I had the pleasure of reading the first two seasons back to back as full books. This is my first time reading a season one episode at a time.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, start reading now! Tremontaine is told serially, much like a written television show. Thirteen episodes, one a week. Tremontaine is set in the thrilling world of Ellen Kushner and acts as a prequel to her thrilling Swordspoint series. To say that I love Tremontaine would be putting it too mildly.

To learn more about Swordspoint and Ellen Kushner, click here: http://www.ellenkushner.com/the-world-of-riverside/

As part of the celebrations around Season 3, there are weekly challenges. I thought I’d try my hand at this one:

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So, come with me to Riverside as we meet Jamieson (cough!) in the Dog Tavern….

Ink and Shadow

Jamieson knew that there were shadows in Riverside.

Some of the shadows were imagined and some of them real. As he sat, trying to write by the guttering flame of a fat candle, he watched the smoke move around him. He wondered what it was about fire that was at once so cleansing and so dangerous?

There was a thump on the table as someone set their drink down. Ink from Jamieson’s bottle spat out and landed across the parchment, blurring out a few of the words he had written. Looking upward, Jamieson was ready to give the person who had dared disturb him a few choice words (imbecilic, lowlife and slobbering degenerate being just a few of them) when he saw who it was.

All the words dried up in his throat as he took in the beautiful face of Rafe Fenton. Some of the smoke from the candle crossed his face so that it looked as if Rafe were some kind of spirit made of smoke and whispers.

“All right there, Jamie?” Rafe said, sitting down.

“Never better.” He meant that to sound somewhat acidic, but it came out like in a happy sigh as Jamieson’s gaze took in Rafe’s deep brown eyes and his lush full lips. Jamieson cleared his throat. “I mean,” he said, trying to sound stern, “Yes, yes, I’m fine.”

Rafe cocked his head to the right and gave him one of his piercing looks, as if he was seeing right into you. “Are you sure you’re all right, Jamieson? You look a little flushed.”

“No, no, I’m fine. Really. I’m just writing.”

“Always scratching something out, aren’t you? I quite liked your last story, actually. A bit trite, but it had a happy ending. There’s something to be said for that.”

Jamieson felt a stab of joy and a stab of pain both at once. “I’m glad you liked it.” It had been his best writing yet and his biggest printing. Tess the Hand had set him up with a printing press and he had put the books out himself. He was so filled with words that it was all he could do to get them out fast enough.

He felt joy that Rafe would have deemed to read the book and a stab of pain because Rafe had called it trite. The book had been one of his dreams fictionalized, the one where Rafe and him ended up together, where Rafe looked at him and suddenly found he couldn’t live without him.

Jamieson had changed the names of course, but the emotions were still there, Rafe’s mannerisms that Jamieson knew so well, Like the way he ran a hand through his hair before he got up to get something else to drink. The way that mannerism always released the smell of the oil that Rafe used in his hair.

“You’ll need to tell me where you get your ideas from. I just don’t understand it; my mind is too filled with numbers these days.” He grinned and Jamieson melted into his wooden chair. “You want a drink?”

“Yes please.” Jamieson croaked. At the very least, it would ease his dry throat.

Watching Rafe go to the barkeep to get more brew, Jamieson wondered what he was doing. He had spent the last few years lusting after Rafe and had been unable to write about anything other than his fantasies.

That is why the shadows intrigued him. Jamieson wondered if he could somehow step into the shadows and become someone that Rafe would lust after…or even love? Rafe tended to go for the more roguish kind of men and, as a writer and a lover of literature and books, he was far from being that kind of man.

Jamieson wondered what it would take to get Rafe to notice him? He had been doodling with his finger on his paper with the droplets of ink that had landed there. Jamieson was so distracted, he had not noticed Micah sitting beside him until she spoke up.

“That seems like an odd way to write, Jamieson. Maybe it would be better if you use your quill?”

Looking up from the paper, he gave a little laugh. “I’m sorry, Micah. I was a little lost in thought. Have you seen Rafe? He was supposed to be back with drinks.”

“He’s up there.” She pointed towards the bar.

Another devilishly handsome man was talking to Rafe and Rafe was looking at the handsome man entranced. Jamieson wished that Rafe would look at him that way. “Oh, but he was going to get me some brew.”

“He gave it to the man he’s talking to. But look, I brought you some and a tomato pie. I hope that’s okay? I’m a little hungry and it’s always better to have someone to eat with.” She took a large bite of tomato pie and washed it down with some brew. “That’s what my mother always says.”

“Yes, yes.” Jamieson said, still looking at Rafe.

It was silent for a moment until Micah spoke again. “You will set Rafe on fire faster then a candle if you keep looking at him like that. Besides, staring isn’t polite.”

Letting out a laugh, Jamieson took a swig of brew and gave Micah a weak smile. “I’m sorry for being such terrible company tonight Micah.”

“That’s all right. Rafe says that all of you artistic types should be excused from normal behaviours as your heads are always somewhere else. I don’t know quite what he means by that as your head is on your shoulders.”

The laugh that came out this time surprised Micah for it was loud and joyous. It also surprised Jamieson. “Thank you for that, Micah, truly. I’m just such a mess.”

“It’s always that way when you love someone who doesn’t see you.”

Jamieson gave her a shocked look. “How did you…?”

“I read your last story. I read all of your stories. You should write something longer. They are always over too soon.”

“Are the stories that obvious?” Jamieson asked meekly.

“To those that aren’t too blind to see.” Micah shrugged. “You should fall in love with someone who can see you. Like that guy over there. He’s been staring at you hopefully for the past hour we’ve been here. You should go and say hello. He looks even more shy than you.”

Looking to where Micah had pointed, he saw a tall broad-shouldered man with short hair and a kind smile. When the man saw Jamieson looking at him, he began to blush and Jamieson swore he could feel the heat of his skin from where he sat.

“I don’t even know his name.” Jamieson said.

“There’s only one way to find that out.” Micah said, taking another bite of tomato pie.

Gathering his courage, Jamieson rose to his feet and began walking toward the other man whose blush deepened when he saw Jamieson walking toward him.

As Jamieson walked across the floor, he thought: ‘This would make a great beginning to a novel…’