Number-one bestselling author
I am,
first and foremost,
a writer.
I am unable,
most times,
to speak what I want to say.
And so,
like every writer,
I turn to words.
I try to emote without speaking,
paint my emotions across the page with ink.
When I write of you,
I find those splotches of ink,
usually so vibrant,
and alive,
so lacking.
I can’t find the words to tell you what you mean to me.
Usually,
the ink forms letters,
and I can arrange them into shapes,
forming syllables,
sounds,
and words.
I have never known a man as beautiful as you.
I have never been so supported,
so respected,
and so loved.
You love all of me,
every little piece,
even the parts of me that I don’t love completely.
You see me for a beautiful human being.
Seeing myself through your eyes has shown me that I am beautiful.
Before you,
I yearned for love,
for true,
honest and pure love.
You have given me these gifts,
and I am so grateful for you.
I have tried,
over hundreds of pages,
to show you,
through words,
poems,
and stories what you mean to me.
And they all fall short of the gift that you are.
When I speak,
however clumsily,
I try to tell you every emotion,
every thing,
that I have tried to tell you through ink,
over so many pages,
so many words.
When I speak instead of writing,
I can only get out a few words.
There are only three of them,
but I hope they are enough.
with every fibre of my being:
I love you.

When we meet Nick, he is nineteen and is alone for Christmas for the first time.
After being forced to leave his parents house, he has gotten himself a cheap bachelor apartment and, because it’s Christmas, a tree of his own. His whole apartment is filled with cast off furniture and rescued accessories.
The only problem is that he doesn’t have any ornaments. He doesn’t have anything. Nick has had to start over and quickly find his footing, leaving almost everything behind. When Nick’s friend Haruto drops by on Christmas Eve, he helps Nick with his tree and gives Nick a gift, a box of candy canes.
When they go to decorate the tree, Nick is crushed to realise he doesn’t have any ornaments to decorate the tree with…until he thinks of the box of candy canes. Haruto asks Nick for a piece of blue paper and folds him a origami crane When Nick places it in the tree branches, he doesn’t know it’s at that moment that the Christmas Eve for the Misfit Toys is born.
As each Christmas comes, more and more people join the Christmas Eve for the Misfit Toys, people who would otherwise be alone but have come together to be with each other. Each year Haruto gives Nick a handmade ornament for his tree.
Nick and Haruto are joined by Matt, Fiona and Perry. Over the years, they are joined by others, other friends and other lovers. The years are filled with presents and with words, always with words.
Nick is a short story writer. Haruto keeps encouraging him to write a novel, to write something longer. Nick always tells him that he’s just a short story writer, but Haruto knows there is a longer story inside Nick trying to get out. Nick just has to tell it…
I loved this story. No, that’s not right. I heart Homemade Holidays. ‘Nathan Burgoine has penned a Christmas classic. My meager plot summary isn’t doing Homemade Holidays enough justice. I haven’t captured the heart and the love that emanates from the pages. I haven’t managed to tell you how beautiful the book is, what with it’s themes of chosen family, of togetherness and of love.
Homemade Holidays is told in the most fascinating way. We are only given a snapshot of their lives, visiting with Nick, Haruto, Fiona and Perry every Christmas Eve. The novella spans fifteen years and we get to watch all of the characters as they grow and change, grow apart and come together again.
The novella also rings so true. When I read it, I could feel the truth in the story. It was as if ‘Nathan has taken a part of his part and made it the centre of a holiday tale. The feeling of truth to this story gives the words more depth and more power. The characters within Homemade Holidays live off of the page and by the end of the novella, I was left blissfully happy and felt full of the holiday spirit.
If you are looking to start off your holiday reading on a good note, look no further. Homemade Holidays has everything you could want in a holiday tale and then some. It left me longing for the holidays when my own chosen family will come together.
Homemade Holidays by ‘Nathan Burgoine is, quite simply, a piece of holiday magic.
* I wrote this for Cait because she is awesomeness personified.
She descended the spiral staircase
that was within her mind.
Gradually, as she
went
down
each
step,
the light became filled with shadows
and the air became cold.
At the bottom of the staircase,
her feet touched a dirt floor.
She could smell growth and decay.
Taking a step,
she looked around her
and saw only the darkness of trees.
They stretched so high up
that she could not see their branches.
She could hear them whispering.
As she walked on,
the shadows became darker
and filled with smoke.
She could hear the tree branches whisper.
As they spoke,
the words sent shivers along her skin:
“There will be no one else to love you.”
“Don’t you realise that you are alone already?”
“Who would ever love a freak like you?”
“All anyone sees when they look at you is your disability.”
“How could someone love a broken person?”
She covers her ears
and looks up into the sky,
trying to see the tree tops,
hoping to see some kind of salvation
from above.
She stands in the dark forest,
her body quaking with
need
shame
despair
fear
hope.
It is the last emotion that stops the quaking
of her body and starts the shaking of the trees.
The dark forest begins to undulate,
as the light within her
begins to grow.
She holds out her right hand
and a small flame appears,
flickering like a candle,
in the centre of her palm.
She knew that the voices of the dark forest were wrong,
that she deserved love,
she was worthy of love,
that she was not broken,
that she was more than her disability.
As she begins to walk
back the way she came,
her light of hope shows her
what the shadows really are.
They are smoke and whispers,
the playthings of the dark,
nothing more,
only nightmare shapes
that infiltrate her thoughts.
As she ascends the stairs,
the brightness in her palm,
grows stronger and more brilliant.
When she reaches the top of the staircase,
the dark forest of her mind kept at bay for now,
the hope light
begins to hum.
She brings the flame to her ear
and listens to what
it has to say.

There are many times
when I feel like
I am on an island.
The skies are grey
and bereft of sunshine.
A sea of people surrounds me
but something inside
keeps me separate.
I am not like them,
for I carry something within me
that marks me as different.
Yet, there are many times
when someone extends their hand
to reach me on my island,
to help pull me to safety,
or to join me in my home
that sits on top of the water.
I am still moved
when this happens,
still shocked when others
remind me that I am not alone,
that human kindness does exist.
In that moment,
I watch as my island
begins to grow
little by little
as if stretching itself free.
Soon, it is so large
that I can go anywhere
that I choose to,
There is an island
inside of me,
but light and kindness
will always help me
to find my way
home.