A Foot Thing – A Poem

He saw meindex

coming up the

front steps of

my apartment building.

“Hey.”

He said. I

nodded at him.

“Hello.”

He got up

off the front

stoop and held

the door open

for me. I

am always one

to do that

for others, but

it still surprises

me when others

do it for

me in return.

“Thank you very much.”

I said. He

smiled and motioned

at my feet.

“It’s no problem. You seem to have a foot thing going on there.”

“A foot thing?”

I tilted my

head to the

right, not sure

I had heard

him correctly. He

had the good

grace to look

slightly uncomfortable, embarrassed.

“You walk funny. You had trouble coming up the stairs.”

“Oh.”

I said quietly.

I spend a

great deal of

time trying not

to think about

my constant companions,

disease and disability.

They are not

who I am,

what makes me,

me. They are

only a part

of who I

am and what

I can do.

“Not that it’s any of my business, but why do you walk that way?”

I thought about

not answering him,

but he seemed

genuinely curious so

I answered him.

“I have Cerebral Palsy and Multiple Sclerosis.”

Then I waited

for what people

usually said, the

pitying looks, words

uttered in soft

voices. Instead, he

surprised me completely.

“Oh! Well you’re doing very well then. I would never have known.”

“Thank you.”                                      

I blushed slightly.

“I just take it one day at a time.”

“Well, whatever you’re doing, it’s working. Keep it up.”

I was warmed

by his compliment.

“Thanks,”

I said, smiling.

“I will.”

I felt lighter

as I went

inside and wondered

about the difference

between how you

perceive yourself and

how others see

you.

On a Crowes Wing – A Short Story

il_570xN.270074549It was the crows he noticed first.

He’d been on the road for a few hours and was getting tired. He only had another hour to drive before he reached the hotel but he had to stop and stretch his legs. When he saw the sign for the rest stop, he pulled over to the exit and headed towards it.

On the roadway, leading up to the rest stop, he saw the dead carcasses of crows leading the way to the rest stop like a trail of bread crumbs. He was slightly put off by them, their feathers still glistening in the half light of the coming dusk.

As he approached the rest stop, he noticed something else: surrounding the building was a circle of crows, just as stationary as the ones that reminded him of bread crumbs. He drove on and seeing a break in the circle of crows drove into the rest stop parking lot.

At that moment, the sky was filled with blackness as the crows he’d assumed were dead took flight into the air. All of them were cawing and he covered his ears to block out the sound. They seemed to be almost shrieking; with joy or with fear he didn’t know.

When the black cloud of birds had flown away into the sky, he opened the car door and got out. Looking back at the road he had driven here on, he saw that the road, too, was empty of the carrion birds. Steven shivered.

He wasn’t an overly superstitious person, but crows that were dead returning to life just as he crossed the barrier of the circle seemed too much of a coincidence. “Fucked up.” He said. He considered driving away right then and there, but the need to take a piss was too strong to ignore.

Getting out of his car, Steven closed the door and took one last look at where the crows had been. He wondered what it all meant. He knew that crows were the only birds that could go to the world of the afterlife, at least in mythology. He shook his head and walked to front door of the rest stop.

It looked pretty run down. There was a broken pane of glass in the door and the windows on either side of it were covered with wood. There were vines covering part of the door and it didn’t look like anyone had been here in ages. There were sounds coming from inside, however, so he wasn’t worried. Opening the door, he stepped inside.

Walking down a short hallway towards the sound of people, Steven entered a wide area that was filled with people and, for some strange reason, a player piano. It stood in the centre of the rest stop playing what sounded like Elton John music.

There was a small coffee shop that looked as if it was doing brisk business. A crowd of people were shuffling around in line, waiting for their drinks and the chairs and tables were filled with people, none of them looking particularly enthused to be there.

The call of nature forgotten, Steven went up to the counter and waited to be served. A few of the people in front of him turned to regard Steven with curious glances. One woman actually smiled at him. She stepped out of line and motioned him forward.

“Oh, you go first dear.” She said.

“But it’s not my turn in line. I can wait.”

“No dear, I insist! We’ve all been in line for what seems like forever and we can’t make up our minds. You go first, please do.”

“Thank you.”

Steven went in front of the woman and two other patrons. They all looked pale and tired, as if their skin were made from aged paper, with no colour in their cheeks. He turned to the clerk and she gave him what could only be a shocked stare.

“You’re not dead.” She whispered.

“I don’t think so. One large black to go please.”

She stared at him the entire time she was pouring the coffee as if she had never seen a man before. There were several around, including an older man who looked to be about a hundred and covered in dust.

The server brought his coffee to him. “Please take me with you.” She said.

Steven was taken aback. “Look, I don’t even know you.”

“Please, I’ve been here for so very long. I just want to be free of this place.”

“Can’t help you, sorry.”

He took his coffee and went to sit down but turned to look back at her when he heard her crying. He took another step back and found himself bumping into the piano bench. The piano stopped playing for only an instant and a voice said “Careful there, sir.”

Steven turned around to look for the man who had spoken but didn’t see anyone. “Sorry?” Steven said.

“It’s all right, happens.” The voice said.

This place was getting weirder and more bizarre by the moment. The server girls wails were getting louder and Steven wanted nothing more than to be gone from the place. He was about to leave, to run out of the rest stop, when he felt a hand at his elbow. The woman who’d given him her place in line was standing there.

“You look like you’re a little confused. You have no idea where you are, do you?”

Steven shook his head. “Just a rest stop, that’s all this place is, right?”

The woman smiled and Steven saw her face wrinkle as if it was unused to such a movement. “My dear boy, you don’t even know what you’ve walked into, do you? What’s your last name?”

“Why?”

“Names have power dear boy and yours must be powerful if you were able to enter here and still remain alive. Gerry, do you mind playing something other than Elton John? He gets on my nerves.”

“Sorry Betty.” Said the man’s voice. There was a pause and the music changed to something classical that was haunting and lilting. “This better?”

“Much, thanks Gerry.”

Steven moved away from the piano and sat down at one of the tables with a soft thump. Dust clouds rose up around him and he watched as the woman named Betty came towards him. “What is this place?”

“Tell me what your last name is first.”

“Crowe. My last name is Crowe.”

Betty gave him a shrewd look. “I thought it might be. Only the crows come here. They are the only ones who can leave but they can’t take any of us with them.”

“Where’s here? This isn’t like any rest stop I’ve ever been to.”

“That’s because it’s not. This is…” She was lost in thought for a moment. “A purgatory of sorts.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s simple really. Anyone that dies on the road ends up here, their bodies decaying where their spirits left them. When their body decays completely, the spirit ceases to be. We can still last a long time here though as it takes forever for ones bones to disappear completely. It takes forever for the body to return to the earth.”

Shaking his head again, Steven tried to find words for what he was feeling. Finally he spoke: “Isn’t purgatory where you go when whoever runs the afterlife decides where to put you?”

“Yes. But we’re the forgotten ones here, dear boy. We can’t leave without an escort and the crows, having no hand to hold on to us, can’t take us. ”

“You need my help then. ”

“It would seem so. You can come and go as you please. We would be in your debt, it would seem.”

“What do I have to do?”

“You would have to take us past the ring of crows that surround this place. Only then can our spirits move on to their final resting place. There is one proviso though. You can only take one of us at a time and only one spirit every thirty days.”

“Why? Can’t I just keep coming back and retrieving more of you?”

Betty shook her head. “No, that would upset the order of things. It’s just the way of things.”

“It seems unfair, letting you all remain here when I can only free one at a time.”

“Who said that anything in life, or death for that matter, was fair? There are rules to everything dear boy. There was one, I believe her name was Abigail Crowe. She tried to take two spirits at once, one in each hand. They all disappeared.”

“What happened to them?”

Betty shook her head. “No one knows. We just know that there was an explosion of light and none of them ever came back.” She gave him another shrewd look. “I must say, you’re taking this rather well, Steven Crowe.”

“My grandmother was a seer. Told me about spirits all the time, how we had to respect them, honour them.”

“You’re still doing very well. Most men would be whimpering like girls before now.”

“I’m made of strong stuff. I’ve seen some weird shit in my time.”

Betty let out a laugh that was like a frogs croak. “Oh, dear boy, I don’t doubt that. Why would you be here otherwise?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, only the lost find us. Only those that are lost see this place.”

“I’m not lost, I know exactly where I’m going.”

“But was there a time when you were lost? When you didn’t know your direction?”

Steven nodded, not saying anything.

Betty nodded in return. “I thought so. It’s what makes you so sensitive, able to see like your grandmother. Are you ready to help one of us move on?”

“Yeah.” He stood. “Let’s go.”

“Oh, not me, dear boy.” She stood and smoothed down her dress. “Take Abigail. She misses her son. He died in the car with her you know, but he never came here. This place can’t claim children. She misses him terribly.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, I’ll be around yet for a while. You can come back for me next month, Mr. Crowe. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of you. It’s not often we find a Crow, or one finds us.”

“I was just driving through.” Steven said.

“Oh, no one finds this place by accident, dear boy. You were meant to come here.” She turned and called out. “Abigail! Say your goodbyes, dear!” She turned back to Steven with a smile on her face. “Thank you for doing this. She’ll be so happy.”

“No thanks needed.”

“Oh, but there is. You always thank that which comes, no matter what it is, whether good or bad. You must always be thankful.”

Abigail had come out from behind the coffee counter looking happier than Steven had seen her previously. She looked positively radiant. “You’re taking me with you? Really?”

“Yes.” Steven said. “I guess so.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I miss my son, you see.”

“Now, Abigail, no tears.” Betty said. “This is a happy moment. So be happy.”

“Oh I am, I am! I get to see my son. It’s been so long!”

“How long has it been?” Steven asked. “How long have you been here?”

Abigail thought for a moment. “You know, I’ve forgotten.”

“Time moves differently here.” Betty said. “It always has an always will. But enough chatter! You have to get home and you have a spirit to free to her afterlife. We can chat more next month, Mr. Crowe.”

Steven looked at Abigail. “What do I have to do?”

“Just hold her hand as you exit this place. That ‘s all. Then return next month for the next soul waiting for release.”

Abigail almost danced on the spot, so anxious was she to leave. Steven followed her a bit, but turned around to look at Betty. “I’ll be seeing you soon.” He said.

“I know you will dear boy. I know you will.”

Abigail grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the exit. Steven had no choice but to follow. When they got there, Abigail stood looking at the door. “Go on, open it.” She said.

“Can’t you?”

“No, I’m too afraid.”

Steven nodded and, still holding her hand, opened the door. They stepped outside and walked towards the circle of crows. He felt a connection with them somehow and wondered when they had returned to form the circle around the rest stop.

“It worked!” Abigail said, almost screaming with joy. “I can’t believe it worked!”

“Did you not think it would?”

“No. After dreaming of this moment for so long, I never thought it would be possible. I’d always dreamed of this moment though. Always.”

Steven watched as she began to fade, as if her skin and hair were disappearing, cell by cell. Soon, there was only the outline of her, a wispy form where Abigail had been.

The mist turned to Steven then and her grasp, though made of mist, grew stronger. “Thank you.” She said.

A light that grew from within her began to shine, growing brighter by the moment until Steven had no choice but to block his eyes with his free hand. He could see the brightness of her spirit even with his eyes closed. When the brightness gave off heat that he could feel, the hand clasping his let go and he heard her sigh with contentment as she finally found her freedom.

When the light cleared, he opened his eyes. The rest stop and all the crows were gone, only his car remained. He knew that next month, when he returned, it would be back.

Getting into his car, he drove away, wondering where he could find another rest stop. He had to piss like a race horse…

Planet Botanix Fall Celebration!

editedHey Everyone!

I’m part of an awesome event that’s coming up. Planet Botanix is having its Fall Open House!

If you’ve never been to Planet Botanix, this is the time to go! It’s the complete wellness store you’ve been looking for. It not only has services and items that help cleanse the body (including natural oils and natural health alternatives) but the spirit too.

When I walk into Planet Botanix, I always experience an incredible sense of peace in mind, body and spirit. They offer everything you could need from Reiki, EFT to Crystals and more!

Here’s a bit about the open house:

Join us for tea tasting with Take Charge Tea, Mini Sessions with our practitioners ($20/20minutes), Botanix Bucks and lots more!

Practitioners include:

Heather Garrod: Aromatherapy: Heather has been creating natural bodycare for almost two decades. Essential oils have always been at the heart of her blends, and are her passion. As a Certified Aromatherapist, Heather can design an aromatherapy protocol for various conditions. She also practices lymphatic drainage massage with essential oils,  Indian Head Massage and Reiki.

Erin Lauzon: Reiki Practitioner. Reiki is a wonderful thing! It can assist us to improve all aspects of our lives, to be healthier, happier, and hopeful! When we feel better we do better and I am passionate about helping you awaken joy in your life through Reiki. Reiki is energy healing that is channelled to a recipient. During a treatment your entire energy body will be working to clear itself of blockages, these energy blocks are where all dis-ease originates.

Laura Benes, EMT: Swedish Massage Therapy. Uses long relaxing stokes combined with deeper techniques to promote circulation, and reduce pain and tension in the body. Reverse the effects that long days at work, poor posture, and stress have on your well-being. Recommended monthly for maintenance.

Natasha Skibola: Life Coach, Master Practitioner NLP, TLT, Parts Integration, Hypnosis: What is an NLP Personal Breakthrough? A Personal Breakthrough Session is a unique personal development session which has been tailored specifically for you. The objective of this session is to empower you with tools to allow you to let go of negative emotional baggage, hindering and limiting decisions and beliefs that have held you back. Using NLP techniques and Timeline Therapy® we can remove limitations and integrate any conflicts that have been created in your mind.

Patty Chevalier: Certified Natural Health Practitioner: Patty is a naturally gifted healer and Certified Natural Health Practitioner. She works intuitively with your body, listening to what it needs to heal. She will delve into your issues identifying and freeing you of unsupportive mental and emotional patterns and transforming these patterns into ones that support you. By doing so, you will experience profound changes in all areas of your life including physical pain and illness, stress, wealth, relationships, employment, and happiness. Patty sincerely believes that everyone has an innate ability to heal and, through her guidance, she will empower you to take control of your health and change your life into the one you have always wanted!

Julie Larochelle, Reiki Practitioner: Reiki is an ancient hand-healing technique used to restore a more balanced energy flow throughout your body.  It is an aide to help you relax, reduces stress, as well as provides relief from pains you might be encountering.  Everyone’s experience is unique.  Additional benefits of Reiki are:

Positive well-being (feeling at peace), Feeling refreshed, Stress and tension reduction, Increase recovery or healing process, Focused and clear thinking, Balances the chakras.

Caroline Proulx, Spirit Readings: I offer sessions or readings that typically last 1 to 2 hours that involve the following: A meditation to connect with Spirit Guides, Past (life), present and future experiences, Channelled messages from Spirits of the living and deceased, Aura readings, Suggestions offered by Guides and angels, And finally, a meditative prayer to thank Guides and Spirits!!

Joining these lovely and gifted individuals will be yours truly!

Jamieson Wolf: Tarot Consultant: Everyone has a question they want answers to. Using the Thoth Tarot, Jamieson connects with the Spirit to provide you with the answers you need to move forward or receive clarification.

The Tarot can be used for personal growth as well as answering your questions. With compassion and care, Jamieson will guide you through what the cards want you to know and the story they are trying to tell you.

So how wonderful is that?

If you’re in Ottawa, please do come and visit!

Here’s everything you need to know:

When: Saturday October 18th, 2014

Where: 301 Bank Street Street at Somerset

Time: 10AM to 6PM

If you’re on Facebook, check out the event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/463230303814847/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Mini Sessions with the practitioners are 20 minutes for $20! So come on in and see how Planet Botanix can help you live a better life! To sweeten the deal, Planet Botanix will also be given away to the National Women’s Show! More info here: https://www.facebook.com/ottawawomenshow

See you there!

Silver Dreams – A Poem

When I walkedAndy_Warhol_Silver_Clouds

into the room,

it was to

find it filled

with floating silver

orbs. A man

was standing in

the centre of

the room, regarding

me patiently. He

tilted his head

towards me and

I was struck

by how out

of place he

looked: messy blond

hair, a thin

mouth, dark sunglasses

hiding his eyes.

“What is this place?”

I asked. He

put a finger

to his chin.

“What do you want it to be?”

I shook my

head at his

bizarre answer. I

shrugged my shoulders.

“I don’t know. Isn’t it just a room?”

He smiled at

me and whipped

off the sunglasses.

“Ah, but every room started out as four walls. Then they become filled with memories and emotion. They become a home to hearts.”

I was struck

silent for a

moment, not knowing

what to say.

He took my

silence as an

invitation to speak.

What do you see when you look at these?”

He pointed to

the orbs floating

around the room.

The walls were

bare white and

the silver shapes

stood out starkly

against them. I

watched them floating

around the room,

bumping into one

another, only to

take a different

trajectory. I found

them oddly mesmerizing.

“They remind me of dreams.”

I said softly.

“Dreams given shape, impossible to hold.”

He raised his

eyebrows, clearly impressed.

“And do you have dreams? Things you with to accomplish with your life?”

I nodded. He

smiled at me.

“Then we must let the dreams out. Dreams have no power if they aren’t given flight, you know, just as a home is just walls until people live within them.”

He went to

the wall and

pressed a button.

The ceiling skylights

opened and slowly.

“What are you doing?”

He smiled gently.

“They are clouds, so it’s fitting that you see dreams when you look at them. Clouds are like dreams in that a person always sees something different than the last person.”

“But why are you letting them out?”

“Because dreams, like clouds, must be set free. The sky is the limit after all. You must let your dreams free if you are to realize them.”

The windows opened

completely and the

silver clouds, my

dreams, slipped out

into the sky.

I ran to

the centre of

the room and

watched my dreams

shining against the

blue.

So Much Left Unsaid – A Poem

There is anothertumblr_lpgz7dttdv1qbpwzeo1_500

half of me.

We are the

same, but dramatically

different. When we

were younger, we

spoke in our

own language. Only

we could understand

each other. Over

time, that language

was replaced by

words that everyone

could understand. As

we left behind

our own words,

our own tongue,

we grew further

apart. We stopped

hearing each other.

We stopped listening.

That doesn’t mean

that I don’t

carry him with

me every day

of my life.

Eighteen years have

passed since I

last spoke to

him, a whole

lifetime ago, but

he is with

me every day.

His determination and

courage are a

constant, for he

always seemed braver

than I was. Though

only fifteen minutes

separated us, I

always saw him as

my older brother

and looked up

to him. The

fact that we

no longer speak

pains me. Since

he won’t hear

my voice, it

is my hope

that he will

read my words

and draw courage

and strength from

them when he

needs it most.

There is so

much I want

to say to

you, so much

I want to

tell you. We

are two sides

of the same

coin and

it is my

hope that I

can offer you

courage and strength

in return for

all you showed

me. You are

brave and have

remained a pillar

of strength for

me, even from

afar. Know that

you can do

anything you set

your mind to,

that, if you

need me, I

will be here

for you. Most

importantly, know that

I love you.

There is so

much left unsaid

but those three

words will have

to do. If

I could, I

would draw out

this new threat,

pull it from

your body. Since

I cannot, all

I can give

you is my

love and hope

that it’s enough.