Number-one bestselling author
“What’s wrong with you today?”
I looked up.
A friend was
looking at me
with worried concern.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you just don’t seem to be here today. Like you’re lost in your head.”
“I haven’t had coffee yet.”
She shrugged and
made a face.
“It’s more than that. It’s like you’re not really here.”
I shrugged and
went on with
my day. At
first, I didn’t
pay her words
any attention. However,
when my fingers
began to slide
into the keyboard
instead of hitting
the keys, I
wondered. Looking at
my fingers, I
noticed that they
had grown dim,
there, but not.
I could see
the outline of
them, I could
feel them, but
they weren’t visible.
She came over
to me again
and looked closely
at me with
growing concern. Reaching
out, she touched
my face with
soft, careful fingers.
“What’s wrong your skin? It’s clear.”
“Clear how?”
“Like, it’s like your face is made of glass.”
I ran to
the washroom and
looked in the
mirror. I saw
that she was
telling the truth.
The skin of
my face had
gone dim, indeed
clear as glass.
I wondered if,
somehow, I was
growing invisible. I
finished my day,
wondering if more
of me would
cease to exist
by the days
end. There was
a heat growing
in my stomach.
It pulsed inside
of me and
I could feel
it snaking its
way further inside
my body with
each pulse. I
left the building
and stumbled outside.
The skies were
grey and the
air cold. Snow
was falling down
like fairy dust.
The heat growing
in me pulsed
again and despite
myself, I cried
out loud, heedless
of people looking.
“What’s happening to me?”
An older woman
stopped and looked
at me. She
smiled kindly at
me and came
closer. She held
out her hand
and touched my
face. I was
astounded to see
wetness on her
fingers and wondered
when I had
started crying. She
gave me another
kind, beautiful smile.
“Don’t you know? This is your first time isn’t it?”
I shook my
head. I didn’t
know what she
was talking about.
“The first time?”
“You’re letting your light shine. I can see it there inside you.”
“You can?”
“Yes. It’s so bright, I can hardly look at you, but I want to.”
“I don’t understand.”
She smiled again.
“Well, look around you. Only grey, cold skies. People need light. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you were a light bringer?”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“That pulse inside you? Let it out, set it free.”
“But my body…”
“Will go back to the way it was afterwards. Here, I’ll shine with you.”
She took my
hand and I
watched as the
opaqueness of her
skin faded and
she too was
as there and
not there as
I was. She
smiled at me.
“Come on now, let it out. Shine bright, little sun.”
I watched as
her own light
began to shine,
first a growing
sliver of sunlight,
then a blinding
flash of brightness.
My own light
responded in kind
and the pulse
thickened, intensified, grew.
The light shone
from me as
if it was
always meant to
do so, filling
the skies, once
grey and dreary,
with bright and
beautiful sunlight. It
streamed from me,
from the woman
beside me, and
I could hear
music, as if
a choir was
singing around us.
As quickly as
it had come,
the light faded.
I stood there,
holding the woman’s
hand. I could
see my fingers
again, could see
hers. The smile
I wore on
my face was
like its own
kind of light.
“Thank you.”
I said. She
smiled once more.
“No thanks needed. I just gave you the push you needed. There’s so much light in you. You have to share if every once in a while.”
As she started
to walk away,
the snow began
to fall in
heavier, thicker flakes.
I called after her.
“Will I see you again?”
She turned back
and smiled again.
“Just let your light shine. I’ll see it where ever I am.”
She turned again
and walked away
and was soon
lost in the
falling snow. I
stood there, the
pulse still moving
through me. I
was happier than
I had been
in a long
time. I looked
to where her
silhouette was still
walking farther away.
“Shine bright.”
I said.
darkness. I got
out of bed
and walked toward
a rectangle of
light that shone
in the distance.
I knew that
if I opened
the door, there
would be brightness
to chase away
the dark. I
opened the door
and stepped through
the doorway. I
found myself in
a place I
used to know.
I had called
it home, though
towards the end,
it did not
fill me with
a feeling of
peace as homes
are supposed to
do. The walls
of places we
have known retain
voices of the
past, vibrations of
sound lost in
concrete and plaster.
I put my
hand on one
of the walls
and felt the
sadness there, the
turmoil. I took
my hand away
and looked at
my palm. It
was red, as
if it had
been burned. I
ran towards another
doorway and stepped
through it. I
found myself in
another place I
had called home
but it had
just been another
way station. The
walls here looked
as if they
were crying, thick
tears like wax
were seeping out
of the walls.
If the previous
place had held
sound, this one
held emotion. I
had tried to
find myself here
but to no
avail. I had
only found heartache.
I went to
the doorway to
the sun-room and
could see the
sky shining through
the cracks. I
opened the door
and stepped through
it. I was
inside my dark
basement apartment. I
had known despair
here, heartache and
disaster. However, oddly
enough, I had
found myself here,
had realized what
I was truly
capable of inside
these walls. In
the darkest part
of my life,
I had found
myself. I stepped
forward and placed
my hand on
the rough walls.
Instead of emotion
or sound, I
saw myself as
I had been.
I lay in
my bed, the
stories I longed
to tell brought
to life above
me as if
they were dreams
given life. I
could see characters
I had created
living out their
destinies and I
lay there, powerless
to stop the
story from going
forward. I watched
as I found
the strength to
learn to walk
once more, the
will to move
forward, the courage
to continue. It
was here that,
instead of giving
up, as I
had been tempted
to do, I
chose to live
instead. If the
previous places had
held sound and
emotion, this one
housed my strength
until I was
strong enough to
accept it. I could
hear music, a
soft kaleidoscope of
notes coming from
another doorway. I
stepped through it
eager to leave
the darkness behind.
I opened the
door into the
hallway and stepped
through into light.
I was in
my current place,
the first one
that felt like
home instead of
just a place
to exist. However,
the music wasn’t
coming from here.
These walls were
bathed in light,
but the music
came from somewhere
further on. I
felt as if
I was standing
on a precipice
as I stood
front of the doorway
of my apartment.
This place held
light within its
walls. I wondered
what would come
next? I reached
out a hand
and opened the
door. I heard
the kaleidoscope of
music, louder this
time, but could
see only stars.
I stood at
the doorway wondering
what to do,
when I heard
his lovely voice.
“You’re perfect for me. You complete me. I love you.”
The music around
me swelled to
a loud crescendo
and I stepped
through the doorway
and into starlight,
waiting to feel
his arms around
me. As I
fell through the
stars, I marveled
at the fact
that it had
taken finding myself
to find the
other half of
my heart.
I told him
that I was
half way through
my current novel,
that I had
written a bunch
of poems and
short stories. He
nodded, looking serious.
“I don’t see how you can write so much. You’re always going out.”
He was a
person that lived
in my building,
but he was
also a photographer.
I shrugged nonchalantly.
“Well, I have to go to work. It pays the bills.”
He looked smug
for a second
before he said:
“So you’re not a writer.”
“I’m sorry?”
I was confused.
“What do you mean?”
His look of
smugness intensified and
he actually laughed.
“Well, anyone that doesn’t support themselves with their writing is not a writer. It’s merely a hobby.”
I was stunned
at his rudeness.
“Do you support yourself with your photography?”
If possible, he
looked even more
smug. His smile
was like a
streak of oil
across his face.
“I do actually.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
His smile faltered
a little bit.
“I do well enough.”
He said, but
there was a
bluster to his
statement. I looked
him right in
the eye, not
backing down from
his smug stare.
“Let me make something perfectly clear. Whether or not I support myself with my writing doesn’t make me any less of a writer. The same goes for all artists, musicians and even photographers.”
“Yes, but-“
I cut him
off. I didn’t
want to hear
anything else he
had to say.
“Writing is what I’m most passionate about. It’s how I live, how I breathe, how I survive. That is why I’m a writer, though and through. And you know what? It’s only a matter of time before I am doing what I love for a living.”
I watched him
deflate a little
bit, a stooping
of the shoulders.
I walked away
from him and
went back into
my apartment to
do what I
love most and
with every word
I put down
on paper, I
found more of
myself waiting there
to bleed through
the page.
Recently, I was sent four new OZ Naturals products free for a review on Amazon.
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I’ve reviewed the serums before, so here’s the rundown on the rest.
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I’ve used facial masks in the past.
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I’ve never used a facial toner before.
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I’ve used Facial cleansers before.
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when we don’t
even need to
speak, when words
aren’t necessary. Every
gesture is inductive
of words that
don’t need to
be spoken aloud.
When we’re going
down the stairs,
he gives me
his arm. With
that action, he
tells me silently:
“I’ll support you.”
When I lose
my balance and
he catches me,
he’s really whispering:
“I got you.”
When he holds
my hand in
public while we
walk down the
street, what he’s
really saying is:
“I’m proud to be with you.”
When he reads
something I’ve written
and sees me
inside the words,
what he’s really saying is
“I know you.”
And when he
holds me close,
his heart beating
so close to
mine, what he’s
really saying is:
“I love you.”
Though I don’t
have to tell
him, to utter
what he already
knows, I do.
“I love you, too.”