Grief is malleable.

It shifts and moves like water through the mind.

There are steps that have been forgotten.

Grief is a caterpillar in the cocoon,

and it has to completely

lose its form and become nothing

before it takes its final shape,

growing from muck and sorrow

into a being that is able to fly away,

giving colour and hope to the sky.

They speak of denial and anger,

bargaining and depression,

but they have forgotten the unwinding,

that process of removing someone

from your very psyche.

It’s like a glass chalice that has fractured,

leaving you to remove the shards,

piece by piece.

They have misplaced balance

and so have you as you try to

find your way forward missing something

that you cannot name.

There is the unknowing,

where you look at yourself in the mirror,

no longer knowing who you are

without that person who

has been by your side for so long.

Before you even reach the final stage of acceptance,

wishfulness has to happen.

You look at photos from long ago

and you wish you could go back to that moment

when everything was fine and have no knowledge

of what would happen in the future.

The word depression is also a misnomer.

They should have called it the river

as your emotions will keep trying to pull you under the water.

That’s when you realize that you’ve forgotten how to swim.

Before you can accept your wings and stand on shaking legs,

letting the wind take you where it will,

you will also have to raise walls and boundaries

around yourself so that you will never be hurt again.

However, you will have to be careful.

You don’t want to find yourself in a labyrinth

where no one can find you and you become lost, even to yourself.

You will have to complete the searching,

making sure that the boundaries are safe and solid,

but that there is a window or two in place to let the light in

before you can take flight once more.