Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
Best Books of 2021!
Books saved me in 2021. I don’t think I’m the only one who would say this. While it took me longer to read books this year, the books I did read were my salvation during a tumultuous time. The books that I read were a lifeline that offered me comfort, adventure and escape and I didn’t have to leave the comfort of my home.
The year was full of so many good reads, too many for me to get to, but these are the ones that stood out for me in 2021. They run the gambit from romantic to adventure, fantasy to horror. Each one of them left me moved in some way and quite often when I finished them, I just sat there trying to hold on to the words I had just read, and I felt enriched by them.
Just like every year that I’ve done this, the books on my Best Books list have to have been published in 2021. These are the books that stood out for me out of the forty-five books or so that I’ve read. I hope you enjoy discovering them as much as I enjoyed reading them.
Any Way the Wind Blows by Rainbow Rowell
All I can say about this book is WOW. As the third in the Simon Snow trilogy, Any Way the Wind Blows was everything I could have hoped for in every way. It was compulsively readable and the story just pulled me along for an incredible ride. I love how everything in all three of the books led up to the ending of Any Way the Wind Blows and that everything I went through with Simon was part of this incredible journey. This was my favourite book of the year and so worth the wait.
Clare at Sixteen by Don Roff
Everything about this book was such a delightful surprise. A sixteen-year-old girl who is a serial killer? Sounds kind of gimmicky but this novel surprised me with its depth, its fantastic characters and a killer (ha!) plot that doesn’t go anywhere where I thought it would. I thought that a novel about a serial killer kid would be a fun read and that was it. I didn’t expect to be moved by it and to be left waiting for the next one with glee. Clare is one of my favourite characters ever created and I would hate to piss her off. This novel left me enraptured!
A Postcard from Paris by Alex Brown and A Cozy Christmas at Bridget’s Bicycle Café by Alex Brown
I couldn’t possibly choose between the two books that Alex Brown gave us in 2021. I love her work so much as it goes beyond what chick lit is normally considered to be. What I love about her books is that she pulls you in with her fabulous characters and by the end I find myself rooting for them to find their joy and find where they belong. In one story, a journey to a new country leads a woman to discover what she really wants in life. In the other, a woman’s journey to a place she used to know helps her find herself. In both stories, we’re given characters that feel like real people, so much so that they feel like friends in the end.
Juniper Wiles by Charles de Lint
It was so good to be back in Newford. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it and the characters that this city held. Jilly Coppercorn led me on a journey that filled me with so much joy and I felt like I was reclaiming a part of myself that I had left behind years ago when I read the last Newford book. There is magic in this novel of course but there is so much heart and characters that are friends from long ago and new ones that also become friends. I love the fact that this novel could have been just any story set in Newford and I would have been happy, but it’s a story that added to the mystery and the fabric of the city. I was thrilled to be back in Newford and this time I was ready to say goodbye.
Chasing the Boogeyman by Richard Chizmar
I had no idea what to expect when I opened this book, but it felt like so much more than a book. It was a story that I lived as I read it. It’s part autobiography, part mystery, part true, part not so true and I was left wondering where the truth ended and where thee real began. I’ve never read anything like this book and it thrilled me in so many ways. I finished it off in three days and it’s already back on my to be read pile so that I can give it another go. It’s horror at its finest and was an absolute joy to read. I was pulled into this mystery and left wanting to keep the lights on as I read into the night. With characters that leap off the page and feel so real, this was a story that I didn’t just read; I lived this book.
Hell Bound by Marie Bilodeau and Princess of Light by Marie Bilodeau
Once again, it was impossible to choose between these two novels. They are both so different but they are both incredible. In one, we are given the third book in a series featuring Tira Misu, badass and wielder of darkness. In the other, the first in a trilogy and we are given the Princess Cassara, unwilling to just merely accept the life she is supposed to lead. In love the journey of growth that both of these characters will go on. They are both so drastically different books, but both are filled with a light and a heart that beats on the pages of the story. Both of these stories moved me and I found myself cheering both Tira and Cassara on as they found themselves and where they belonged.
The Oracle Creator by Steven Bright
What a brilliant book! I’ve been wanting to make my own oracle/tarot deck for years and this book is full of so much knowledge. Steven Bright brings you through the whole process and the whole book acts like a workbook of sorts so that you can take the idea that you have for your deck and give it focus. Even better, Bright gives you the tools you need to make your dream a reality. I’ve been through the book once already and am now on my second read through and I’m making notes. 2022 will hopefully see my dream become a reality. Thanks Steven, I couldn’t be happier with The Oracle Creator!
Yours Cruelly, Elvira: Memoirs of the Mistress of the Dark by Cassandra Peterson
As a child of the eighties, I fell in love with Elvira. After reading this book, I fell in love with her a little bit more. I loved the journey that Peterson takes us on and it goes so much deeper than a mistress of the macabre. We’re given the journey of her life and it’s a wonderful one. Peterson is so much more than a big pair of boobs, she is a woman who has lived a life that few of us can even dream about and I loved following along with her journey towards ultimately finding herself. As I read about her life in Hollywood and the wins and losses she had to endure, it is told with the candor and honesty that you’d expect from Peterson and Elvira herself. I loved reading about the journey that the character and the actress went on and it just made me want to delve right back into everything Elvira. A fabulous, glitzy, wonderful read.
White Lightning by Melissa Yi
I love Melissa Yi’s books. They always go beyond a typical mystery plot. When she goes off on what she hopes will be a romantic getaway, Hope Sze finds herself embroiled in a plot involving prohibition, a convention and bones that once belonged to a human being, this is one incredible mystery. I love how nothing is as it seems and every time, I think I have it all figured out, Yi tips the story on its side and takes it to places I never dreamed possible but by the end, I am wondering why I didn’t think of that in the first place. Yi gives us a mystery that forced me to confront a villain that is so meticulous that it gave me chills. Yi has given a mystery that made me laugh out loud and left me actually frightened for Hope and the other characters in this incredible book. I love the Hope Sze mysteries by Melissa Yi, they always go beyond what I think is possible and leave me wanting more.
These were my favourite reads of 2021! I can’t wait to see what 2022 will bring and can’t wait to get reading!
I Let You Go – A Poem
I met him in the dark.
He still looked the same,
caught in time,
forever thirty-five years old.
He looked up at me,
a half smile on his face.
“You came,” he said.
“You remembered me. You didn’t forget.”
I looked down at him.
“This year, it was hard not to remember you,” I told him.
Indeed, this year had tested me
and I had to remind myself
where I had started,
when this all began,
so that I could find a way forwards.
“Why?” he asked.
“Why was it easy to remember this year?”
I thought of how to respond to myself,
that part of me that was still trapped inside myself,
a spirit within that had no way out.
“That doesn’t matter now,” I told him.
“I just had to see you.”
I held his hand,
remembering how weak I had been,
how I hadn’t been able to do anything
but sleep, the constant sleep
that was anything but restful.
Looking upwards,
I could see the stories and the words
that had been floating above my head,
unable to find a way out of me.
Looking down at myself
from all those years ago,
I knew that I had to let that part of me go
as I didn’t want to hang on
to that part of me anymore
or the fear that I had felt back then.
There was so much fear in our lives.
I didn’t need to hold on to more.
“I came to let you go,” I told him, myself.
There was fear in his eyes.
“Where will I go?” He asked.
“What will become of me?”
I took his hand, my hand,
and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“You’ve already gone on to do so much,” I said.
“You’ve lived a whole lifetime in eight years.” I told him.
Gently, I said “I can’t hold on to you anymore.”
I didn’t know how to tell him
about the self love that began to grow within us,
blooming inside of us like a seed of light.
Knowing myself as I did,
I knew that he wouldn’t believe me.
Hopefully he understood
that letting him go
was its own act of love.
He looked up at me,
a true smile on his face.
“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you so much.”
There were tears falling from his, from my, eyes.
“I’ve been in the dark for so long. It’ll be good to see the light.”
I merely nodded,
not trusting myself to speak.
I watched as he slowly began to fade away,
a memory preserved in my flesh for eight years too long.
Before he disappeared,
there was a sigh as if he too were letting go.
Looking at the space where he, where I, had lain,
I stood and walked back out of the darkness
and into the light again.
Dear 2021
It hasn’t been an easy year. That’s an understatement for sure.
The world has been full of so much fear and hate. The unknown has reared its ugly head and to combat that, I’ve tried to sparkle through it all. It hasn’t always been easy or even possible, but it’s been a year that I’ve truly tried to live, despite limitations or boundaries. I’ve had to look for joy under every rock that has remined still, knowing that the dark holds the stars.
I think the thing that has really defined what 2021 has meant to me is my health. In October of this year, I began a new medical treatment after new lesions were found in my brain after my last MRI. The medication is called Mavenclad. It’s a chemo drug normally used to treat leukemia. The idea is that it will shut down my immune system so that when it regrows itself, it will do so without the lesions that are caused by the multiple sclerosis I live with. I did two rounds of Mavenclad and I had no idea what to expect, thanks to the lack of information from the medical professionals in my life. It was a learning process and one where I had to embrace rest and let myself heal.
I’ve learned a few things this year, but the big one is that I don’t rest very well. I’m always creating something, whether it be writing or painting. I’ve always got a creative project on the go and I’ve really had to learn what rest is and how to embrace and enjoy it rather than turn away and shun the concept. There were a few weeks where I couldn’t write, where the well of words within me had run dry. Normally, my mind is full of stories and characters and words that need to be written and instead there was only a soft breeze with nothing upon it.
That made me stop and take a look at my constant need to be creative. In talking to my therapist, I realized that in some way, I’ve been trying to outrun the multiple sclerosis in some way since my diagnosis eight years ago. When it first hit, it took everything from me and when I learned to write again, I have been on a continual creative streak, always afraid of having my words taken away from me again. I know that I can’t live that way anymore and I have to learn to balance myself. I’ve realized that whether I write or not, the words or the urge will always be there, or it will be waiting for me when I’m ready. In the past two years, I’ve written three large novels and two novellas. It’s okay for me to take time to rest.
I also had to deal with fear a lot. What with everything that has been going on in life, that’s no surprise. I’ve had to deal with my health and my husbands health issues. Currently, I’m in isolation due to the fact that my immune system it’s at it’s lowest right now. However, given the rise of the omicron variant of covid, that’s not such a bad thing, is it? It’s given me a lot of time to think about everything and I realized a few weeks ago that I’ve been living with depression again. The dark forest that I thought I was done with all those years ago has been alive and well this year. I had been so focused on remaining positive that I ignored the obvious.
I’ve always lived with depression. In my youth, I was diagnosed with a double depression, a clinical on top of a critical. The critical depression was dealt with, but the clinical depression is always there. I had been so focused on sparkling on all the time, despite the state of the world around me, that I hadn’t given myself time to properly grieve. I had to grieve what I had known and embrace what was now, much like my journey with multiple sclerosis. Along with trying to balance myself and my health, I had to learn balance with emotions and positivity. It’s not possible to stay positive all the time and I had to learn to be okay with being depressed and finding ways to deal with that as I had in the past. Thankfully, I had my family and friends that rallied around me, supported and loved me so that I knew that I didn’t have to go through any of it alone. I’m so fortunate in that way.
That’s not to say that it’s all been bad this year. I was fortunate to be able to republish my first novel The Ghost Mirror. It had gone out of print years before and I had always wanted to have it out there in the world again. It tells the tale of a misunderstood girl named Mave who is the last witch. I had planned to make it a trilogy and I’ve got the second book started. Here’s hoping I finish it in the coming year.
I self published two other books this year, Hope Falls and The Other Side of Oz. They were both trunk novels that I had always wanted to do something with. The Other Side of Oz was the first book that I had tried writing after I learned to type again after the initial lapse from my multiple sclerosis. It’s always held power for me. Hope Falls had been a fan favourite when it was first published, and I had been meaning to put it out again. The other three books in the series are soon to follow.
I also had my work appear in two anthologies. I had one of my poems appear in Love and Catastrophe Poetre and it’s an anthology of poems that deal with the difficult things in life, the tragedies that shape us, and it was an honour to have my poem Covidly included. One of my short stories was also included in Artificial Divide, an anthology of stories written by blind or visually impaired authors. It was a joy and a privilege to have my short story The Blood Trees included in the anthology.
One novel I’m immensely proud of is Beyond the Stone. It was published this September and was almost instantly a best seller, which is pretty darn cool. I’ve been trying to write what I know and in this book, the main character Bane is disabled but also a supernatural trying to protect the mortals in the world around him. Bane is the character that is most like me; he’s got a foul mouth and a temper but also a kind heart. I tried to incorporate a lot of what I went through with my multiple sclerosis in this book and I’m thrilled to see the response. It’s also really cool that you can find Beyond the Stone in most bookstores. That makes me so incredibly happy!
To end off each year, I like to publish a holiday themed story. This year, that story was Captain Maven and the Shadow Man. It was inspired by a conversation I’d had with my mother when I was beginning my chemo treatment. I was struck with the idea of the medications that I take as superheroes, tackling the multiple sclerosis. I published it on my blog, but I hope to have a paperback and an ebook come out next year. Again, it was writing what I know and trying to tell my story in a different way.
While it’s been a heavy year full of a lot of emotions, it’s also been a good year. I’ve grown closer to my family and friends; I’ve been able to do (a lot!) of what I love and I’ve kept myself safe from the unseen threat of Covid and all that it brings. No, 2021 certainly didn’t go like I thought it would, but isn’t that what life is like? I gave up trying to endlessly control everything that I could just to give myself some structure and just let life be the way it wanted to. I know that I have choice, and this year I chose to live in whatever way possible. It’s been a year filled with emotions, but thankfully those emotions have included joy, hilarity, happiness and contentedness in amongst all the strife, worry and upset.
My only hope for 2022 is that I continue living my life and taking things one day at a time. It’s all we can do amongst all the craziness. Despite what may come, I will hold true to one belief of mine: we can only learn to sparkle when we’re in the dark, for only at night can we see the stars.
Whatever 2022 brings for you, I hope it’s beautiful.
Jamieson Wolf
a voice of my own – a poem
for ten years,
i’ve held onto the emotions
that you fed me
throughout our time together.
you filled me with
so much hate for myself
that repulsion and disgust
became constant bedfellows.
i let go of that today,
before the new year begins.
i don’t need to hold to it anymore
for it was never mine.
though you gave it to me,
i give it back to you now,
casting the hate into the wind
so that it may find you once more.
there is no need to hold onto
all of the loathing you fed me.
opening my mouth,
i let it out like a cloud of moths
so that it can join the wind
that i am sending to you.
hopefully now,
the voice that i hear when I look in the mirror,
your voice, so cold and unfeeling,
will fade over time
and all that will remain
is a voice of my own.
Captain Maven and the Shadow Man – Epilogue!
Epilogue
Christmas Day
Maven looked at everyone who surrounded him and reminded himself that everything would be okay.
The children that Tianado had saved were running about the top floor of their building, filling the floor with the sounds of joy that only children could make. Their parents were with them too, and he watched as Tianado, Carley, Finley and the other superheroes talked with them. When Maven heard the sound of laughter, he turned to see Sandoz creating a structure out of sand in the palm of his hand, then letting it fall apart again. A boy sat in front of him, no older than four, and the child’s face was filled with so much pure joy. He saw Dez making the other kids laugh by making their drinks perform acrobatics in the air in front of them. They must have thought they were witnessing magic.
It had been Tara’s idea to invite the parents and children over to their headquarters so they could all celebrate what they had overcome. She didn’t tell them about what had happened with Max Shadow, but just assured them that everything was all right and that the crisis had been averted.
Everything was okay, sort of.
Maven could feel Max Shadow within him and could see the shadow monster every time he looked in the mirror. If he blinked rapidly a few times, the dark black of Max’s eyes would fade and Maven’s own dark brown would show again, if only for a little while. Every so often, Max Shadow would press against him, and Maven could feel Max trying to see how far he could stretch himself. Tara and Carley were trying to keep Max in check, but Maven was also growing accustomed to having another person inside of him. It took some getting used to, though. He had yet to lose control of his body, but Maven knew that it may be an eventuality. Tara said that there was no way of getting Max Shadow out of him, that Max had to leave on his own. Maven thought that was unlikely to happen because if Max Shadow did try to leave his body, he would cease to exist.
Gregory came up beside Maven and, taking his hand, pulled Maven into an embrace. “You look like you’re full of thoughts.”
Maven let out a snort. “Too many if you ask me. I’m not sure where mine begin and where the shadow’s start.”
“It’ll be okay,” Gregory said. “You’re not alone in this.”
“I know.” Maven said, kissing Gregory lightly on the cheek.
Looking at the people around them, Maven marvelled at the fact that they had become a family, all of them together fighting against evil for the good of Ottawa. “I guess fighting for good forges a bond, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does.” Gregory said. “I owe you an apology, Arnold.”
“No, you don’t.”
“But I do. I had no idea what you really did. I’ve never been on one of your escapades before.”
“You make us sound like stars on ice or something,” Maven said jokingly.
“You know what I mean. I didn’t understand. The fact that you put your life on the line every single time-”
Maven quieted Gregory with a kiss. “It’s okay.” He said and meant it. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Gregory said.
Maven would have to deal with Max Shadow eventually. He had no idea what the future would bring, but he knew that as long as Gregory was in his life, the future was bright indeed. Captain Maven pulled the man he loved closer against him and watched as Finley started handing out eggnog, and Sandoz began a round of carols with the kids and their parents. Outside, it started to snow, and it looked as if the world was full of sparkling light.
Inside of Maven, the shadow man raged.
*
Authors Note
I live with Cerebral Palsy and Multiple Sclerosis.
After my last MRI a few months ago, they found new lesions in my brain caused by the Multiple Sclerosis. I was put on a new drug called Mavenclad. Its purpose is to wipe away the immune system so that when it rebuilds itself, it will hopefully do so without the lesions. It’s a chemo drug normally used to treat leukemia.
When the medication arrived, it had a red sticker on it with a big white cross. I’d never received something with a medical symbol of any kind on it, but for some reason it stuck with me, that big white cross. I’m not sure how the subject came up, but when I was talking to my Wonder Mom one day during the treatment, she mentioned the fact that I was like a superhero and maybe the Mavenclad was going to ramp up my powers.
“I would totally need a cape,” I told her.
“Yes, a red cape with a white cross.” She said.
“No, not red and white. I would need a purple cape with a sparkly silver cross. That would be more my style.”
“Yes, you could be Captain Mavenclad!”
“Hmmm, what about Captain Maven?”
“That does have a nice ring to it.”
I couldn’t get the image of Captain Maven out of my head. I asked the very talented Cait Gordon if she could draw me a Captain Maven portrait. She did so, giving him a cup of power (I had to drink a lot of water when I took the Mavenclad) and a sceptre of light (I sometimes walk with a cane, and I like to sparkle). To say that I loved it is putting it mildly. It put the whole chemo med thing into something that I could draw light from, something that brought me joy.
Then it occurred to me, if my Mavenclad medication could be a superhero, what about all the other medications that I take? I ended up settling on Finley (Baclofin), Tara Dawn (Trazodone), Sandoz (Sandoz Solifenacin), Dez (Apo-Desmopressin), Tianado (Apo-Tizandadine) and Carley Bravo (CBD oil). They would be a group of superheroes who would do battle against Cracklepuss (Cerebral Palsy) and Max Shadow (Multiple Sclerosis), protecting the streets of Ottawa and keeping the people safe.
I normally write a story for Christmas every year and give it away for free. I thought it would be neat to write a story with this group of supers and set it during the holidays. It never occurred to me that I would write a full novella and I’m already thinking of other stories that could happen with the characters.
I can’t tell you what joy this story has brought to me and how much fun it was to create a world of superheroes that are really just like ordinary people…with a bit of something extra. I do hope that you enjoyed this tale as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I want to thank a few people while we’re all still here together.
To my Wonder Mom and Cait Gordon to whom this novella is dedicated. Without either of you, I would not have had the inspiration to write this story or to lose myself in this world. Thank you for the light that you both bring to my life. Captain Maven is alive today because of both of you…well mainly me as I did the writing of the story, but you know what I mean.
Thanks also go out to my beautiful husband Michael. Thank you for loving me completely and for coming with me on this journey that Multiple Sclerosis has brought us. Thank you for truly seeing who I am and for walking beside me. I love you more than words can say.
And to all of you who have read this far, I thank you for reading this tale. I wish all of you a beautiful Christmas, a glorious Yule and a marvellous New Year. Here’s to the beginning of something awesome, yes?
Captain Maven and crew will return! Just watch the skies…
Jamieson Wolf
December 2021
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 