Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
The Lucky Ladies Soup Kitchen – A Flash Fiction Story
The compass caught the light and made it look as if Alexander was holding the sun.
“You’re sure it’s in there?” Basil asked.
Alexander shrugged. “This compass has never lied before. It’s always led us to where we need to be. “
“Yes, but it’s led us into a few difficult situations before. Need I remind you of the prison filled with criminals who tried to lynch us, or the orphanage filled with innocents?”
Alexander ran a hand over his face. “You don’t need to remind me.” His voice was muffled, and it was tired. “We got every piece though, didn’t we? The compass always led us to the right place.”
Maxell sighed. “You and that fucking compass. Fine, we’ll go inside and see what we can find out.”
“We may have a problem, gents.” A third voice said.
Alexander and Basil turned towards the voice. “What now?” Basil asked.
“There.” Clyde said, pointing towards a sign. It read Lucky Ladies Soup Kitchen. Women Only
“Well, fuck.” Basil said.
“Shit fingers.” Alexander said. He sighed and looked at the two men. “Do either of you know anything about being women?”
A wide grin spread across Basil’s face. “How hard can it be? I just complain about my period a lot and play with my boobs.” He mimed fixing his breasts in a bra.
“You’re such a douchebag. “Alexander said. “No wonder women won’t sleep with you. What about you?” Alexander tuned to Clyde.
“I know that women like to shave their legs and armpits and drink tea while discussing current literature or events. I’m not really clear whether they do it all at the same time, though.”
Alexander let his head fall against a brick wall. “Fucking idiots.” He sighed.
*
Basil looked at himself in the mirror and pouted. “I still say I make a better brunette. And my boobies are too small. They should be bigger. Also, I don’t really feel my character would wear this. What is this, shabby chic?” Basil picked at the hoodie he was wearing.
Alexander reminded himself that he needed Basil and that murder was illegal. “It doesn’t fucking matter. We are playing women that require a soup kitchen to eat. We can’t go in there looking like fucking porn stars. Geez!”
“I’m also having issues.” Clyde said. “I mean, how do women walk in these without looking like hookers all the time? Plus, they have that lovely sway to their bottoms. How do they manage that?”
He tried walking across the floor walking in five-inch heels, wiggling his bottom to and fro as if he was having a full body seizure. Alexander reminded himself again that murder would be very wrong and that he would look horrible in orange.
“Focus, please? Basil, your boobs are fine and the blond wig brings out the green in your eyes. Clyde, put on the boots like I told you to in the first place. We have to find that fragment of soul before it disappears, or all this will be for nothing.”
Basil fluffed his hair. “How many are left?”
“Only three. We’re so close.” Alexander said.
The other two men nodded. “Let’s go.” Clyde said.
*
They entered the Lucky Ladies Soup Kitchen as if they belonged there, which of course they didn’t. Although they received some notice, no one really looked at them. The women here were more intent on eating their fill.
“Welcome home.” A warm voice said. They turned and found a beautiful woman with flowing brown hair, sexy librarian glasses and a beautiful smile looking at them. Her name tag said that her name was Christine. She exuded peace. Alexander could feel if coming from her in waves.
Then he looked closer and saw what they had come here for: around her neck was a crystal that was cut in the shape of a star. The three men could see the glow coming from the crystal star. A small piece of a soul that was hanging around a woman’s neck.
Normally, the piece of the soul they were looking for was in something inanimate: a vase, an ashtray, a picture frame. It had never been within a piece of jewelry before.
“That’s a nice necklace you got there.” Alexander said. He tried to keep his voice breathy and high pitched, but Christine narrowed her eyes.
“Yes. It is. What can I get for you…ladies?”
The pause before the word ladies told him that they didn’t have much time. They had to get the soul, they just had to.
Basil gave Alexander a wide-eyed look and Alexander nodded. Basil pulled a lighter out of his purse. They could only use it in extreme circumstances. Alexander gave another quick nod and Basil clicked the lighter open.
The whole scene froze in front of them. Christine was frozen with her mouth open slightly as if she had been about to say something more. Reaching forward, Alexander took the crystal star with the piece of a soul inside it and tucked it in his pocket.
He leaned close to Christine. She smelled of sandalwood and the sea. “I’ll be back. I’ll come back for you.” Alexander felt an honest connection to her, more than he had felt for anyone in a few millennia. He had to find out what it was about her that called to him.
But first…
“We only need two more pieces of the soul and then we’re free. All our souls will finally belong to us again.”
“It’s been so fucking long.” Clyde said.
“I know!” Basil said. “I don’t know how ladies do it. Wearing clothes like this for a whole day?” He shook his head, sending his curls bouncing.
Alexander sighed “Fucking idiots.” He said.
He nodded at Basil again and, when Basil pressed the button that normally brought a flame, they began to disappear. Alexander had one last look at Christine and then the world they had stepped into faded from their sight.
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Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 
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I said this already, but I love that you found a way to write a paranormal crime caper. 🙂
Yes! Loved it!
Good blog posst