Then, Also, After, Now – A Poem


I was lost within myself,

surrounded by the dark,

trees and forest

pressing in against me

as I looked for a way out,

a way through the veil

of constant sadness and fear

that I carried within me.

When the doctor gave the diagnosis,

part of me died,

that light called hope,

carried within me since January,

went out with a small


Also Then,

after months inside the forest,

I could tell you the differences

between all the trees,

spot the glint of black water

that ran throughout,

show you some of the creatures

living within the branches of the trees.

Sometimes, it was the birds

that would draw blood,

other times if was the trees themselves.

They had taken so much from me,

blood and spirit, magic and bone,

it was a wonder I had any



I began to hate the trees

and what they had taken.

I looked out at the mountain

that had become my life

and I knew that I would have to

learn to climb it, scale it,

conquer it.

I knew that I would have to

Rely on my strength and courage,

I would take back every last breath,

every piece of my chalice,

and I had given the forest,

so that I could find the



I stand on top of the mountain

looking at how far

that I have come.

The mountain is surrounded

by those I love,

everything that I have created,

all the paths that I have followed

to bring me to this moment.

As I am blessed by the sun

and caressed by the wind against my skin,

I realise that the light I was craving

comes from within and shines outward.

I look to what will come next on this journey,

knowing that all I have to do is sparkle on.

I begin the descent towards the people who love me,

knowing that I am no longer


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