Side Tales: The Three R’s

side tales cover

I was going up the basement stairs. I saw a shadow sitting in front of the basement stairs. I sighed inwardly. It was Rex, a tenant in my building. I lived in the basement and he didn’t live here-but he knew the door code to get into the building.

 

He only did this when he had money, usually after a good day of pan handling or when he got his monthly check. It was as if he had two homes: the shelter or the street when he didn’t have money and in my building when he did.

 

I don’t know why he didn’t rent a real place with what money he had. Nor did I understand why the super of my building let this go on. For three years now, I saw Rex every month for the first two weeks and it was beginning to get a little abrasive.

 

I moved up the stairs anyway, intent on going out. The thunderstorm would only last a few minutes at least. I had my camera at the ready, all set to catch a picture of the lightning. It would be awesome.

 

“How you doing bro?” Rex said. “It’s like it’s been something that she said. And I told her to be quiet, that the windows were speaking to me.”

 

“Hey Rex.”

 

“Calhoon! Is that you bro? Like fuck you’re getting taller. I said to Rex and Romulus the other day that I really like you, and sometimes it’s like I can’t see you. The trees grow too tall.”

 

I walked past him quickly. “Cool.” I said.

 

“Cool?” He squinted at me. He was wearing a train conductor’s hat with his silver hair sticking out in a fringe. He was wearing a shirt that looked like a pajama top  and a ratty pair of jeans. He stood and I watched dust fall out of the creases of his clothes. It always did. After Rex was around, I would find trails of dust and dirt all over the apartment building for days. “You think that’s fucking cool? What the fuck man?

 

His voice got louder with each word until he was screaming at me. I went out of the building and turned as I got to the door to the foyer. Rex sat back down, most dust falling around him. I went down the stairs and stood in front of the storm under the front overhang, the rain coming down in buckets and the pounding of it matching the beat of my heart.

 

Overhead, lightning flashed through the sky. It was a bright and quarrelsome pink. I caught a photo of it, just as another slapped through the sky. It was followed by a terrific rumble of thunder that shook the ground around me. It was amazing being in amidst something that powerful.

 

More lighting flashed across the sky and then another arched down; I realized in a second that it was heading for me a moment before it touched down. I leaped back, falling against the pavement and was out of the line of fire when it hit. I closed my eyes from the blinding brightness of it. When I opened them, two men were standing there in front of me.

 

They both wore long pink robes that brushed the ground. The one on the right, portly and squat, looked down at the robe. “Really Romulus? Pink?”

 

The other one, tall and thin like a scarecrow huffed. “I happen to like the colour pink. It’s a happy one. I can’t help it if you’re never happy, Roget.”

 

“But who ever heard of pink lightning? I mean, electricity is not pink!”

 

The fat one, Roget, stuck out his tongue. “There’s nothing wrong with a blinding white, a deep purple or a soft or royal blue, is there?”

 

“Oh, be quiet, Roget. You’re scaring Rex’s friend.” He held out a hand to me. “Can I help you up?”

 

I looked from one to the other, sure that my eyes were playing tricks on me. “Am I seeing things?” I asked. “Is this real?”

 

Roget blew a raspberry that made his cheeks quiver. “A question I am asking myself even now, as I stand here wearing this pink Mumu monstrosity. I mean, what will people say?”

 

“That you look like a gum drop, now shut up you fat fool. Here.” He takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. “What’s your name?”

 

I was lost for words. I was wondering when my brain would implode or if they were going to kill me. “Huh?” Not the most eloquent of responses, I’ll admit.

 

“You’re name, friend. What do they call you?”

 

“Calhoon.” I said.

 

“An interesting name.” Romulus said. “Who are your ancestors boy”

 

“Oh goodness sake, really? We don’t have time for this.” Roget said impatiently. “Can we get Rex now, please? I hate the colour pink.”

 

“Yes, yes, of course.” Romulus looked back at me. “You see, it seems our brother Rex has taken quite the liking to you. He’s always down here when he should be up there with us. We’ve come to take him back home.”

 

“Home where?” I asked.

 

“Where any god comes from, motal.” Roget said waspishly. “Up there.”

 

He pointed to the sky and the rolling clouds of thunder. There was no lightning and I understood that the lightning was in front of me. “From the sky?” I was not having this conversation.

 

“Well where to Gods live?” Romulus said gently. “Yes, up there. Our brother Rex fell down quite some time ago. It’s taken us days to find him.”

 

“He’s been coming around here for three years.”

 

“Yes, well your time is different than ours. The important part is that you’ve found him for us. You have our thanks.”

 

“He’s your brother?”

 

“We’re Fates,” Roget said. “Of course he is. I certainly didn’t choose him, the drunk ingrate.”

 

“Roget, please. Keep the insults to a minimum, you’re what made him leave in the first place.”

 

“Only because he can’t take the truth.”

 

“Will you desist?” Romulus’ eyes flashed pink with electricity and then they faded back to grey. Roget shook a little at this and quieted down.

 

“I’m sorry Romulus, I’ll be good.”

 

“Excellent, now do something useful and go get our wayward brother.”

 

Roget nodded and hurried up the steps and through the apartment doors. I watched him go and turned back to the one called Romulus. “Are your brothers always so weird?”

 

He sighed. “Yes, Roget has been a negative soul for as long as he’s lived and Rex for as long as he has, which is forever longer than Roget and me.”

 

I nodded, not sure what I was agreeing to. “What are you going to do with him?”

 

“Take him back home. The booze you mortals make isn’t good for him, but he loves it so. We have to get him into detox as we have work to do.”

 

“As Fates?”

 

“Yes, the Three Fates. It’s a lot of work, but enjoyable all the same.”

 

“Like Birth, Life and Death?”

 

“The very same. Believe it or not, Roget is Birth. He loves babies.”

 

“Are you Death?”

 

“No, I enjoy life to much, so I am Life. It is Rex that is Death.”

 

“Does that mean I’m going to die?”

 

“Goodness, no dear boy. We’ve just come to take him home. We’ve never lot him for this long before. And there are so many people who need to pass on. We’ve got to get him sobered up! He loves your version of alcohol, but it’s too strong for him.”

 

“Your bringing him home so people can die?”

 

“We think of it as passing. It is the natural order of life, is it not? Otherwise, if no one died, there would be no room to move around. You mustn’t look like that. Death is as natural as Birth or Life, it just has a bad reputation.”

 

Roget and Rex cam through the doors. Rex was struggling. “I said to her, you can’t catch the sun in your hands!” Rex screamed. “I saw him riding a pale horse and told him that he would be King! I can hear the trees growing from the ashes of its brothers.”

 

“Yes, yes, we know. You’ve told us this before.” Roget looked slightly put out but was keeping a firm hold on Roget’s collar. “Are we done here? It’s just that I promised Romilda that we’d be back soon.”

 

Romulus looks up at the sky. “Yes, it’s time.” He turned to me. “And you, Calhoon? Are you ready?”

 

“For what?”

 

“For whatever life brings your way.”

 

Romulus clasped hands with Roget and Rex and there were three pink strikes in the sky. I raised my camera and took a picture, knowing that no one would believe me if I told them the story behind the photo.

I wasn’t sure I even believed it myself.

Hard will leave you Breathless…

Hard 2x3My other fabulous publisher, Breathless Press, is having a summer sale. How cool is that?

That means that you can get Hart, the first book in my Hard Saga, for $0.50 cents! How’s that for a kick in the teeth?

Hard is very special to me. It was my first number one best selling novel. It was also the first m/m romance for Breathless Press.

I was so honoured when they asked me and every time I look at the cover, I’m honoured. Breathless Press has published some of the most amazing m/m romances (not to mention everything else you’re looking for) and it was a thrill to lead off their Adonis Line.

You can get your copy here, for less than a cup of coffee:

http://www.breathlesspress.com/index.php?main_page=product_free_shipping_info&cPath=1&products_id=261&zenid=rb4gsps274u05fi6teviafltu4

Summer not hot enough? Why not heat things up?

Books We Love…and books I love, too!

The Ravens CurseAmazing news! Great way to start off a post, right?

My fabulous publisher, Books We Love, has transfered all their books to Amazon! So that means if you’ve got a Kindle, you can now read the following of my books:

Hope Falls: Season One

Hope Falls Season Two: Eagle Valley

Hope Falls Season Three: Dragons Cove

The Raven’s Curse

Witchcraft and Anchovies

Electric PinkHope Falls

Electric Blue

Each of these books is only $2.99! Why, you can get more than one if you feel like it!

And you can even get a copy of the Jamieson Wolf Special Edition, wich contains Hope Falls: Season One, The Raven’s Curse and Witchcraft and Anchovies for $4.99! How awesome is that, you get one book for free!

You can check them out here:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Jamieson+Wolf+Books+We+Love+&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3AJamieson+Wolf+Books+We+Love+

The great thing is that these are books I love. Electric Pink and Electric Blue and the Hope Falls Trilogy are some of the earliest books I ever wrote. I’m so thrilled that they have a home with Books We Love and that I now get to share them with all of you.

Check this out to read a bunch of fabulous reviews for The Raven’s Curse and download some free eBooks too!

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A Random List of Thankfulness

I have been slowly getting better. Or at least as close as I can be. For a while there, I was in a pretty sad state but I’ve been crawling out of the pit I’ve dug and am back in the land of the living.

As I’ve been getting over my frump, I’ve accomplished some amazing things. Well, they’re amazing to me. To you, they might seem ordinary, even mundane. To me, they are things I haven’t been able to do for months because I wasn’t able to.

Here’s a partial list:

  • Cleaning the bathroom: I was able to do the essentials but that was it. My bathroom floors have gone unwashed since January. Trust me, you don’t want to know what it looked like. But I did it and cleaned the rest of the wash room to boot, so that kicks. It hurt afterwards, but it was worth it.
  • Taking the garbage out myself: For months, one of my neighbours has been taking out my trash. I finally managed to get all the way up the stairs, around the back, and to the dumpster. I had a rough moment when I thought I wouldn’t be able to life the garbage can high enough, but I did it. Woot!
  • Being able to vacuum: Again, a simple chore, but I haven’t been able to do it. It’s tough to vacuum in my place, but I’ve managed it a few times now.
  • Changing the sheets on the bed: I haven’t even attempted this for months. I was changing them every week, but have you tried changing a queen size? Not fun.
  • Being able to iron my clothes: For a while, I couldn’t stand long enough to do so.

There are more, but they are along the same vein. They may seem like ordinary thing, but I’m so grateful that I can do them at all.

What it showed me was that you never know what you’ll be thankful for. I mean, these are simple chores right, every day thing? However, each chore is another small step towards feeling more like myself again.

I’m grateful I can do them again, but who ever thought I would be thankful for being able to do chores?

Still, you have to be thankful for the small things. They make way for the big things, right?

The Mystery of The Cuckoos Calling…

cuckooAfter Harry Potter came The Casual Vacancy. It was a powerful follow up to what has now become a classic (so quickly!) series in literature that has touched millions of lives. The Casual Vacancy was just as engrossing, just as compelling and set a different tone for J. K. Rowling.

The Casual Vacancy was a big book about a small town. It had the tone of Stephen King’s Under the Dome mixed with Coronation Street with It was a real departure for her and I came away from it thinking of Dickens with a modern twist. It showed that J. K. Rowling had more than one kind of magic up her sleeve. Along with bazillions of others, I waited to see what would be next.

The Casual Vacancy came out in 2012 but Harry Potter came out in 2007-that’s a five year wait. So I was happy to wait and see what would come after for a few years more, hankering for news of her next writing project; but there was a problem…

You see, it’s a bit of a mystery. Imagine my surprise when news started popping up that J. K. Rowling had written a book under the false name of Robert Galbraith. I didn’t believe it at first, not really. Being a Harry Potter fanboy, I was used to news of constant fake novels. To anyone who hasn’t fallen in love with the books or the movies probably won’t get it.

I remember going to a midnight release for the fifth book Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It the whole evening struck me as magical. I had just gotten off a midnight shift and headed straight to the bookstore. It was filled with tons of people, most dressed in costume, all waiting for that moment when we could start reading.

It struck me that night that there was something magical about millions of people around the world, all reading the same book at the same time (thousands of millions if you take into account the different time changes). That’s not just a book-it’s an experience, that is magic. It also ends up being the worlds biggest book club that topped Oprah’s. Now that’s awesome.

You can be pretty much assured that I’ll read every book that J. K. Rowling has written or will write; but is that because she wrote the Harry Potter books? No, as much as I love them. It has to do with the fact that she’s one hell of a storyteller. She tells amazing stories, pure and simple.

The news of The Cuckoos Calling continued to pour in, finally confirmed later in the day by the CBC, the New York Times and the Huffington Post. To say I was stunned was an understatement. Everyone knows by now, that J. K Rowling wrote the book under a pseudonym.

I couldn’t wait to read it. I got the eBook as soon as I got home and am patiently waiting for the hardcover. A friend of mine asked me if I would have read it if I didn’t know it was by J. K. Rowling. The answer is probably not, but not for the reasons you might think.

I love mystery novels. I grew up on them: Agatha Christie, Ruth Rendell Jonathan and Faye Kellerman, Mo Hayder, P. D. James, Robert B. Parker, Raymond Chandler, Sue Grafton. I read all of their books and tons more authors than I can remember. Though I haven’t read a mystery novels, their what I cut my reading teeth on; well that and Stephen King.

I will occasionally pick up a mystery novel from time to time if its advertised well. The Flavia De Luce mysteries by Alan Bradley and The Hangman;s Daughter by Oliver  Potch are my current fave mystery books, that and anything by Minette Walters.

The thing is though, big releases like theirs are seen and, in J. K. Rowling case, she didn’t want to be. She just wanted to write and see what would happen. I think that’s pretty darn cool, actually. She could have gone her normal route but lets face it, if The Cuckoos Calling came out as J. K. Rowling’s next release, it would have sold billions. People love her books that much.

I really admire Rowling for creating a bit of mystery around The Cuckoos Calling. I think it’s a shame that her pseudonym was revealed in such a way. I don’t know how I’d feel if something I had worked under to give me freedom turned around and brought me more scrutiny. But hey, if it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t be able to read the new J. K. Rowling book.

However, the question should really be: Is The Cuckoos Calling any good?

Oh my god yes! I haven’t had this much fun reading a mystery novel in years.  Cormoran Strike is a private detective with no home, no cases and creditors on his heels.

He’s also fresh out of his recent relationship, for the umpteenth time. Charlotte and him are splits for sure this time. Seeing as it was her apartment, he’s currently sleeping in his office on a camp bed.

Enter Robin,  the temporary. She’s recently engaged to Mat and isn’t sure what this new assignment will be. When she finds out that Cormoran Strike is a private eye, heart skips a bear. It’s always been her secret ambition to be a private eye. It’s always seemed so thrilling, so mysterious.

A mystery is just what ends up waling through the door: John Bristow is Lula Landry’s sister. Three months ago, the famous model commited suicide. Bristow wants Corbraith to prove she didn’t kill herself. Are Strike and Robin up for the job?

I’m half way through The Cuckoos Calling and thus far it’s been filled with models, sleezy lawyers and liars, oh my! Add in the uppity socialites, security guards and wanna-be actors and limo drivers, a bag lady and more. No one is telling the truth (or are they?) and eveyone has something to hide.

The Cuckoos Calling is incredible and I’m only half way done. I can’t wait to see what happens next. So why am I writing about it before I’m done the book? Personally, I think anyone that enjoygs a good mystery has to read this book, pure and simple. Anyone that enjoys a well told novel, really.

It doesn’t matter who wrote it, whether under the name of Rowling or Robert Galbraith. Its a story well told. All the hoopla about her false name being revealed is old news. Just read the book and form your own opinions.

I still feel badly for J. K. Rowling and don’t believe that this was all done as some sort of publicity stunt, as some people are claiming, but I am really happy that I get to read the book.

The Cuckoos Calling is a brilliant detective novel told in the classic vein in a modern setting. and I for one feel very luck to be able to read it.