I am finding myself again.
There are pieces of me,
hidden within the dark caverns,
lost among the trees or
in the cold depths of water.
They blink like jewels that have been
hidden in the dark.
I clutch each jewel to my chest
and feel a moment of joy
as each piece of me is welcomed
back into my body.
Though they carry remnants
of the shadows,
this only helps me see in the dark
so that I can find my way out again.
Each piece of me that I find
is part of the puzzle
that makes me whole.
There are more shards to find,
more pieces of the chalice
to locate until the cup is complete
once more, but I have time now
and a way to see
within the dark.
There is a light in the forest.
I’m called there in my dreams
and I can see the light
glowing like a star
within the trees.
I try to follow it,
but it avoids me,
zipping deeper and deeper
into the trees
that have taken so much from me.
I follow after it and the light
dances away from me.
I am almost upon it
when I slip around a tree
and see a cave I never noticed before.
I step into the cave with caution,
knowing what these trees took from me.
Will the cave be more of the same?
My blood already runs from the leaves,
I don’t want to sacrifice myself to stone.
As I step into the cave,
the light disappears,
its job done.
I take a cautions step and more light
begins to shine from within,
welcoming me forwards.
I take another step
and I find myself within a garden
that I have never seen before.
There are flowers here
of ever kind, and some that
I have never seen before.
There is a light coming
from the flowers and they fill the cave,
going beyond what my eye can see
or comprehend. There is a path here,
and I walk upon it, listening
to the hum of the light.
I marvel that the dark forest
could contain so much beauty
within it. Such a thing
does not seem possible,
and yet here I am,
looking at a forest of flowers
and different plants,
each of them blooming from a seed
that was planted during
my darkest time. I know that
as I approach the changes that are coming
on the wind, faster than time can move,
that I will find myself within the forest again.
As much as I try to stay away,
it calls me back in, whispering to me
from within the darkness.
Only, this time it will be different.
I will follow the light
that waits for me at the edge of the forest
and follow it to this cave
until I know the path by heart.
I will walk along the path,
looking at the beauty I have grown
when I was at my lowest.
Looking at the flowers and the plants
within the cave, I wonder
what I will plant now?
I find myself at the centre
of the path and I find a small shoot
growing at the centre of the cave.
It’s a small tree that has been able
to grow up through the soil, it’s branches
shine softly. I sit down gently
on the floor of the cave.
Looking at the tree,
I wonder what fruit it will grow
and how I will grow along
For a time,
I was broken,
unable to find
the pieces of myself
that I had lost along the way.
It felt like my body
was crumbling into itself,
unable to find stability
in a world that it
no longer knew.
the light was able
to find me within
the dark trees of the forest.
The light led me
to new paths
that I had not tread before.
Gradually, I began to pick up
pieces of rocks, bits of shells
and feathers that glowed like flame.
I didn’t know it at the time,
but these were pieces of me
that I had assumed were missing,
when in reality, they were waiting
to be found. With each step forward,
every shell I picked up, every feather
found on the forest floor,
I regained a part of myself
that hadn’t been missing,
they’d merely been waiting
for me to choose the path
that would lead me to them.
I hadn’t been broken completely.
Instead, I had only needed to
take the steps that would lead me
The breeze ripples the water.
Even when it is still,
I know that it is in constant motion.
There is movement where I can’t see.
When the tide comes in,
twigs and leaves
ride upon its surface.
I can hear geese crying in the distance.
Watching the water,
the tide begins to lower once more,
taking treasures in its wake.
The trees whisper on the wind
of secrets keptfor hundreds of years.
I just don’t know the language
to understand it.
I listen to the buzz of the hummingbird
and I make a wish
each time that I see one
in hopes that it will carry my wish
upon its wings when it flies.
I watch the tide come in again
and I sit at the waters edge.
I place the things that I no longer want
into the water. I pull them through my skin
and it is like I am holding jewels
that have grown tarnished with time.
I place them in the water
and they pulse lightly,
though that light has grown dark.
The jewels are full of memories
that have stood the passage of time,
but I no longer want them.
When the tide goes out once more,
I watch those memoires
as they sail away from me.
They look like stars upon the water
as they head out
* For Margaret Hood
When I close my eyes,
I can see you so clearly.
We’re sitting outside
and the light is flickering in the dark.
The air around us is warm
with the scent of food and fire,
strawberries and wine.
There is laughter
that hangs in the air around us,
a remnant from a joke or story
that has been told.
I still see that smile upon your face
and can hear the joy in your voice.
When I close my eyes,
that is how I see you,
caught in that moment of joy.
That you are gone from us
is unfair, someone’s idea of a cruel joke.
When I close my eyes,
you are caught in time
with a smile upon your lips
and laughter in your eyes.
If I blink quickly,
another memory of you
comes into the light.
When we first met,
you held out your arms to me
and wrapped me in a hug.
“I’m so happy you’re part of the family,”
you said to me.
“I’m so happy you found each other.”
You gave me a brilliant smile
and the room was lighter
because of it.
Your presence in our lives
made them more wonderful
than they had been before.
With my eyes open,
I look to the skies to see
if the stars are now shining brighter
because you are among them.