Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
Dancing with the Flame – Available for Pre-Order!
Hey Everyone!
Check it out! My new book of poems, Dancing with the Flame, is available for pre-order! How awesome is that?
It’s released on February 5th, just in time for Valentine’s Day! As there are quite a few love poems in this collection, it seemed appropriate.
Here’s a bit about the book:
Following the number one best sellers, Talking to the Sky and Talking with the Earth, Dancing with the Flame contains poems that are part memoir and part journey towards self-love.
They are Wolf’s attempt to not only find balance but to love all parts of himself, even those that are most difficult to love.
They are a testament to the strength of the human spirit. The poems show us that whatever life throws at us, with courage anything is possible.
With unflinching honesty, Wolf talks about disease, sexuality, physical disability and the healing power of love.
You can pre-order your ebook copy of Dancing with the Flame here:
The paperback will be released at the same time, but for now only the ebook is available for pre-order.
I truly hope you enjoy Dancing with the Flame when you read it. Come with me as I go further on the journey that is my life.
What I Had Become – A Poem
When the New Year began,
I looked into the mirror.
I saw a reflection of myself
from long ago. I was
lying on a bed, weak,
my whole world changed.
I watched as my reflection
lifted a hand and beckoned to me.
“Come on.”
He said.
I touched a hand to the glass
and it was as if
there was no glass there.
The veil between the present
and the past was thin.
I stepped through the mirror
and found myself in a place
that I remembered but fought
so hard to forget.
It was dark and there was only
one small light in the room.
Even so, by that light I saw
who I used to be lying
on the bed, my past self,
my other self. He regarded me,
and I looked at him.
I remembered that day,
how the night before the New Year
my life had changed forever,
never to be the same again.
I knew just how he was feeling
as I had been him, he had been me.
He was weak and disoriented,
unable to walk very well at all,
his whole world seeming to
move around him, unable to keep still.
He regarded me with tired eyes,
the fear in them so total.
He knew that something was wrong.
“You forgot about me.”
He said.
“You forgot our anniversary.”
It was true. I had forgotten.
Every year since that day,
I always wondered if this
would be the year that it happened,
the year where I lost control
of my body once more.
For a while, I lived in fear
of December 31st, of who I had been
and of what I had become on that day.
“I’m sorry.”
I said.
“I did forget. I did forget you.”
“Why?”
He asked.
“Because I left you behind. Because I’m so much stronger now. So much happier.”
He regarded me with a blank expression,
the fear increasing in his eyes until
they were full of tears.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so afraid.”
“I know.”
I said kindly.
I sat on the bed beside him and took his hand
in my own. It was cool and sweaty and
I remembered how warm I’d been,
how nothing had felt right,
and how my own body had turned against me.
“You’ll have to be strong.”
I said.
“There is a lot more pain coming, but you’ll have to be stronger than you’ve ever been. Can you do that for me?”
“I don’t know how.”
“You don’t, but you’ll learn. There will come a moment when you’ll want to quit, where you’ll want to give up and head towards the darkness. But I promise you, good times are coming.”
He looked at me with such
an open expression, one of yearning
for something better. I remembered
wearing that look, wishing and hoping
so fiercely that it was painful.
“Okay.”
He said.
“Okay.”
I heard my partner calling me from
the other side of the mirror,
his deep voice making the liquid glass
move in ripples. I took one last look
at who I used to be and patted his hand,
leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead.
“I have to go now.”
“I know you do. Don’t forget me, okay?”
“I won’t, I promise.”
With that, I stood and moved towards the glass.
When I stepped through the glass,
I left behind what I had been
and into what I had
become.
On the Road of Yellow Brick – A Poem
She wakes within
the dream to
find herself in
an expanse of
green. A field
of grass stretching
for as far
as the eye
can see. Along
the grass, there
is a road
of bricks, coloured
in a bright
yellow hue. The
colour is impossibly
brilliant, as is
the green of
the grass. It
is as if
the colour here
is magnified by
the sun. She
looks up at
the sky and
sees a bright
orange sun, three
times as big
as the sun
she sees at
home. Looking down
at the road
of bricks again,
she sees a
man standing on
the path, smiling
at her in a
gentle sort of way.
“Where am I?”
She asks, uncertain.
“Well, where did you want to be?”
The man says.
He has dark
hair that looks
to be made
of leaves. He
shrugs and she
sees hay fall
out of the
collar of his shirt.
“It’s hard to know where you’re going if you don’t know where you are.”
She nods, even
though she has
no idea what
to say.
“I want my life back. I want it as it used to be.”
The straw man
gives her another
kind smile and
his words are
soft and comforting.
“Well now, I wouldn’t want that. If you went back to the way you used to be, you wouldn’t be who you are meant to be.”
She shook her
head, the uncertainty
deepening, the unease
she carries with
her in the
waking world alive.
“I don’t follow you. I just want to be normal again.”
The straw man
waves his hand.
“Pshaw! Normal. What is normal? Normal is boring. Normal is a bowl of porridge without brown sugar. Normal is what you want, but it’s not what you thirst for.”
She nodded, seeing
truth in his words.
“I suppose you’re right. I know I’m not like everyone else.”
“You’re special, Kimberlee. So very special. You have a light in you that shines brightly for all to see it. We are drawn to you like butterflies to the sun. You wouldn’t have that light if you were normal.”
The light that
he mentioned
begins to glow
from within her,
as if she is
carrying the sun
within her. She
watches the glow
intensify, even as
the light from
it makes the
road and the
straw man start
to fade away.
“Wait! What do I have to do? What can I do? How do I move forward?”
Even though the
man of straw
was fading from
sight, she could
see him smile.
“What you’ve always done. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep shining and keep living you life to the fullest. Everything else will fall into place. Trust yourself.”
“But why is it so difficult to do?”
“It’s always harder for people like us. You are a bright, beautiful spirit. You will find your way and then the journey on the road of yellow brick will become a joy instead of a hindrance. Trust yourself.”
He said again.
Then the light
that was glowing
from inside of
her grew even
brighter and she
knew the dream
would fade away.
But she knew
that when she
woke, she would
have a brighter
sense of self
and the life
that was hers.
And from that
she drew comfort.
She looked forward
to the next
step she would
take along the
road of yellow brick.
The Beginning of Goodbye – A Poem
I thought I
would feel sadness
or discontent. I
thought I would
be depressed or
sad that part
of my life
had ended here.
However, all I
experienced was a
sense of rightness,
the thrum of
gratification running though
my veins. I’m
not sure, but
I was probably
glowing. I got
the papers stamped
and paid my
fee. I expected
to feel sadness
but there was
only this overwhelming
sense of relief.
Too long I
have waited to
feel something other
than resentment or
despair when I
thought of him.
Now I was
filled only with
joy and peace
of my own making.
It was only
the first step,
but it is
that first step
that is the
most difficult,
the most frightening.
The first step
looks down from
a cliff, high
up in the
air. I had
two choices. I
could cower at
the top of
that cliff as
I had done
for years, or
I could take
the leap of
faith and trust
that my wings
would save me.
Instead of waiting
for him to
do the right
thing, I did
it myself. I
took the power
away from him
and made it my own.
My life is
mine to live
and I choose
to live it,
to embrace it,
whatever it may
bring. It is
the beginning of
goodbye for us,
but I’m so
much better without
him and will
be even better
when I’m not
carrying the shards
of what was
around with me.
Instead of carrying
those shards of
a chalice always
with me, I
take those shards
and fashion something
from them so
that rather than
cause me pain,
instead they capture
the sun, shining
light upon all
in my life
that is beautiful.
2015 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog. It’s pretty cool to see how active this blog was in 2015!
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 32,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 12 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 