Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
The Gateway – A Poem
I was inside of
a house. There was
no way to know
how many floors there
were; from the outside
it seemed to stretch
right into the clouds.
From the inside, it
seemed just as big,
just as tower like.
I stood at the bottom
of the staircase and
you were beside me.
“It’s okay, you can do this.”
I looked at the
stairs with some trepidation.
“I don’t know that I can. You know I can’t do stairs very well.”
You smiled at me
and took my hand,
just for a moment.
“It’s okay, I’ll be right behind you.”
I nodded, knowing that
there was no other
choice. I started up the
steps, holding onto the
railing. I wondered at
what the woman outside
the house had said.
“If you enter and are brave enough, you will discover a gateway at the top.”
I looked at her, with
skin that seemed translucent,
as if the light would
pass right through her
if it caught her in
a certain way. I
moved closer to her.
“A gateway to what?”
She shrugged, a small
smile on her lips.
“You’ll have to find out yourself.”
And now we were
here, inside the house,
going up the steps
to an unknown miracle.
“What kind of gateway to you think it is?”
I asked you. I
heard your voice speaking
behind me and the
sound of it helped
calm me. When you
spoke, it was as if
you spoke to the
centre of my being.
“Who know? There’s only one way to find out.”
We continued to go
higher. Every time, I
stumbled, you caught me.
Every time I tripped
on a stair, you steadied me.
Every time I didn’t
think I would make it,
you kept me going.
Every time I felt
like giving up,
you encouraged me and
told me that I
could do anything.
We neared the top of
the staircase and I
could feel the wind
on my face. I turned
and looked at you.
“How high have we come?”
You took my hand and
helped me up onto
the very last step.
“Let’s take a look, shall we?”
There was only light
when we stepped forward
and out onto a balcony.
It looked over everything
and I saw that we
had just done what I
thought was impossible.
The house was built into the
face of a mountain and we
had just scaled its heights.
We stood there, looking
out at the land below us.
You put your arm around me
and we took in the
brightness and warmth of
the sun. Something had
changed within me. We
had done what I thought
to be impossible. We
accomplished it by looking
at it in a different way.
“You can do anything you set your mind to.”
You said to me.
I could only turn
to you and put
my lips to yours,
hoping that the kiss
would speak what my
words had thus far
failed to express.
As I kissed you,
I thought of the woman’s
words again:
“If you enter and are brave enough, you will discover a gateway at the top.”
I could feel my heart
opening further, filling me
with light. What locks
there were inside me
fell away at your
touch, opening the gate
wide so that only
light could shine through.
When your own gate
opened, the two hearts
beating as one, shone
brighter than the sun.
Why I Walk the Walk
The MS Society of Ottawa sent out an email a little while ago suggesting to team captains that they should tell their story. Why do I walk the MS Walk? I walk because, for a while, I had forgotten how.
On December 31st, 2012, I woke to find that my world had changed. I was unable to walk very well. In fact, I could barely stand upright. I felt as if I was walking in an upside down world where nothing made sense. From that moment until August 21st, I had no idea what was wrong with me.
I had been diagnosed with Labyrinthitis, a disorder that affects the balance that is cause by trauma to the inner ear. It was supposed to go away in two weeks. I spent most of my time sitting on my couch when I could get to it or sleeping.
As the two weeks neared its end, I thought I would go out to dinner with an ex-boyfriend. We had take out Chinese food. I admit I over indulged quite a bit, but it was a treat to have food that wasn’t rice, saltines or chocolate pudding; those had been the only things I could keep down for two weeks.
The Chinese food turned out to be a horrible mistake. I woke up in the night and was horribly sick. I just remember vomiting everything up. It just kept coming and when I thought I was done, it would continue. In the morning, the imbalance had returned with a vengeance and I could barely lift my head upright. My dad came to get me to bring me home and for the next three weeks, I slept.
The left side of my face went completely numb as did my left hand. I felt like Two-Face from Batman. Though I could have thought of a few more super heroes’ I would have rather been. I had also lost all the hearing in my left ear and I had gone partially blind.
I could see, but only just. It was as if someone had placed several layers of plastic over my eyes. Everything was blurry and I had a hard time reading. Bathing with no balance was a chore. Someone would come every day to make sure I didn’t fall or hurt myself as I had no balance. I had to be helped in and out of the bath.
I remember trying to go back to work after a month and a half pretty much housebound. I had to learn to walk again with the help of a cane. I could see, but only just. Taking a bus was a frightening. I had no balance on a moving vehicle and kept falling into people. Thankfully they were very nice about it.
It was when I lost the power of speech and the ability to type that my boss sent me to the hospital where my mother was waiting to meet me. The words were there, waiting in my mouth to be spoken, but I could only get one out of every five out. Likewise, my brain knew the words that it wanted my hands to type, but I couldn’t get my fingers to go where I wanted them to. There was a blockage somewhere.
I had known that something was wrong. We all know our own bodies, right? Since December 31st, I knew it wasn’t just the Cerebral Palsy I was born with. It was something deeper. We were lucky that there was a neurologist on staff in the emergency room that night. He said he had an idea of what it was, but they would have to run some test to be sure.
On August 21st, 2013, eight months after the whole ordeal had started, I found out what I was carrying inside of me. The neurologist gave it a name. He said I had Multiple Sclerosis. This news came the day before my birthday.
Some people said that that was a horrible thing to happen right before my birthday but I didn’t think so. It had a name now. I knew the name of what I would be fighting against.
It’s been a long haul to get to where I am now and many dark times where I almost gave up. When I did the MS Walk in 2014, I almost didn’t think I would be able to do it. By the end of 3KM, I was shaky and spent. But I had done it.
So I went back in 2015 and will go back on Sunday April 24th to do it again. I walked 5KM last year and will do so again this year. And the year after that…
I walk for everyone that can’t. I walk so that, one day, there will be a cure. I walk to show myself I can. I walk to prove that miracles can and do happen. I walk because I had forgotten how.
So this year, on Sunday April 24th, won’t you come and walk with me? Click below to walk with The Wolf Pack. It’s guaranteed to be a fun day (though last year was a little too cold for my taste!)
Or, if you can’t walk with us, consider donating to my team. Every penny helps fund research to help end MS and find a cure.
Click below to learn more
http://mssoc.convio.net/site/TR/Walk/OntarioDivision?team_id=86808&pg=team&fr_id=5086
And in the meantime, keep on walking.
Savage: London Mob Book One by Michelle St. James – A Book Review
Jenna Carver is a woman with secrets.
It’s been five years and she’s still trying to mend her heart. She still loves Ferrell Black even though she chose to leave. When she found out she was pregnant with his child, she knew that he couldn’t give her and their unborn child the safety she needed and wanted. She chose to leave.
For five years, she’s hidden in New York, working for Nico Vitale. When working for the mob became too much, she left. Now her only focus is on taking care of her daughter Lily. She still carries a secret torch for Ferrell Black, though she’d be loathe to admit it.
When her father dies suddenly, killed in a random mugging, she flies back to London and her family…and the man that still occupies her heart: Ferrell Black. She does what she can to stay out of sight and to keep her heart in check. However, when Jenna sees Ferrell at her father’s funeral, all of the old emotions are still there and seeing Ferrell only brings them to the surface once again.
Jenna knows that she can’t let Ferrell find out about Lily. While trying to decide what to do she starts going through her father’s belongings and finds a key card and a passport sewn into the lining of her fathers jacket. She flicks through the passport and sees there are stamps for Amsterdam; but her father never wen to Amsterdam, did he?
She knows that Ferrell Black, head of the London Syndicate of the mob, may be her only choice for answers. What he finds will send them both fleeing for their lives. At the same time, Jenna has to decide whether she can forgive Ferrell and forgive herself…
I flat out loved this book. Michelle Zink writing as Michelle St. James has written a sure fire winner that somehow tops her previous romances, though I didn’t think that was possible. She writes so well that the characters come alive on the page.
What drew me in was the characters. Jenna is a strong woman with a definite idea of how she wants to raise her daughter. Her sister, Kate, is the perfect balance to Jenna. Ferrell is the perfect hero. However, what surprised me was the sheer amount of heart in this book.
Take Ferrell. Early on in the novel, we meet his brother, Evan. His severely autistic and Ferrell keeps him in a home so that he can get the best care possible. Then there’s Jenna. She and her sister Kate have had to deal with an alcoholic mother all their lives and Kate is still taking care of her when she can.
It takes a talented writer to deal with subjects that wouldn’t normally be found in romance novels and to do it so well that it’s believable. It takes a deft hand to accomplish this, but thankfully, the author possesses that in spades. The subjects of alcoholism and Autism would have made the book awkward in someone else’s hands, but in St. James’, they only deepen the affection we feel for the characters.
What held everything together was the love and the passion that Ferrell and Jenna have for each other. The passionate fire between Jenna and Ferrell just burns up the page and the love between them is so real that you can’t help but be pulled in.
I can’t wait to see what happens in book two: Primal!
Shine Forth – A Poem
Your sun is
hiding behind a
cloud. I can
see it there,
a muted luminescence,
begging to shine
forth. You bring
joy to others,
even though your
sun is behind
the clouds. Know
that you are
valued and that
you are loved
and that the
world misses your
glow. Remember that
this too shall
pass, that tomorrow
is another day
and that good
things happen; you
just have to
bide your time.
I will wait
for your luminescence
to shine forth
once more, banishing
the clouds, so
that everyone can
see how beautiful
you truly are.
Love Becomes… – A Poem
The first time you told me
“I love you.”
something within me came to life.
It was as if a light that had gone out
flickered into being once more.
When I told you
“I love you too.”
the light grew brighter,
filling every fibre of me,
so that the light could only
shine forth for all to see.
People began to remark on
how happy I was, how much
I shone. I knew it was all
because of your love for me
and the love for you
that I carried inside.
As our love has continued to grow,
it’s changed the world within me
and the world around me.
The entire world was brighter,
my spirit was lighter.
You have shown me that
love is not something you do,
it is something you become.
My world has become something
all together more wonderful
because of the love that we have
for each other and I can’t wait
to see what else the world around us
will become because of our
love.
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 