The Empress – A Poem

The things she held on toThEmpress

were like photographs

that danced around her

like dreams which

everyone could see.

She held love in one hand

and mercy in the other.

She held tight to sexuality

and emotion,

letting the two

mingle and meld and mix.

She held on to the smoke they created

like a wish waiting

to be born.

She was the beginning

of all life,

the power of nature

and what it could

give back to the world.

She was change and renewal

and the embodiment of passion,

filling the air around her

with joy and reflection.

She was Mother Nature,

creating a new connection

between the visible

and the invisible.

Looking around her,

She saw that each of

these parts of her

were represented by pictures

and only by stepping back

could you look

at the whole of her.

She was the Empress

with her head turned

towards the future.

 

Dedicated to Dawn who is an Empress. 🙂

Beaded Frog and Big Dreams – A Short Story

IMG-20140106-01099When Rachael saw the frog, she followed it.

It was multi-coloured and had the most gorgeous hues in its skin. There were blues and greens, bright red and gorgeous purple and the colours looked as if they were made of jewels. As it hopped, it looked as if it wore a rainbow on its back. She followed it, was drawn to follow it. She felt a little bit like Alice in Wonderland following the white rabbit and look at the trouble that Alice got into with that; but it didn’t matter. She was powerless not to follow it.

It was a while before she looked up around her. Rachael had never been in this part of town before and didn’t recognize anything. She only hoped she would be able to get home. The jewelled frog hopped down an alleyway and she followed it again. When she came out of the alleyway, she was amazed at what she saw.

A mirror stood in the centre of a field. Rachael could hear the grass whispering in the breeze; almost as if it were whispering in excitement or knew she was there. She watched as the frog hopped up to the mirror and then hopped into it. It was as if the mirror were made of liquid silver. It swallowed the frog whole. Rachael didn’t think, she just ran towards the mirror. The beaded frog was the most colourful thing she had ever seen and she didn’t want to lose it.

Rachael was a foot from the mirror when the whispering grass increased in volume, its sounds almost deafening. The mirror was also filled with a bright, pure light and it shone brighter than the sun. In the mirror, she didn’t see herself. She saw a land of grass, trees and water. The brightness coming from the mirror was actually coming from the sun that shone. Rachael wanted to be surrounded by that brightness, so no thought was required. She went to step through the mirror.

It was as if it reached out to take hold of her. The liquid mirror was warm and soft and closed over her. There was a moment of darkness but when it cleared she was in the land she had glimpsed in the mirror, with on crucial difference.

Instead of the frog, there was a woman in front of her.

At least, Rachael thought it was a woman. She was wearing a beautiful dress in a dark brown hue and white stitching. Rachael took a closer look at her and realized the woman was not wearing a dress-she was made of fabric.

“I’m so glad you made it through the mirror Rachael. You followed my frog.” The woman bent down to pick up the frog, her body whispering like the grass. “You did it without any hesitation, I’m so proud of you.” When she stood, Rachel saw that the the frog had become part of her dress.

Rachael tried to see the woman’s mouth and saw that she had one stitched onto her face in white thread. It didn’t move when she spoke, so she wondered where the woman’s voice was coming from. “Who are you? And why did you send your frog to find me?”

The woman laughed gently and it sounded like wind chimes. “I’ve been remiss in my manners. I am Schway Schway.”

“You’re made of fabric.” Rachael pointed out.

“This is so. Come, let’s sit. We don’t have a lot of time. You’re going to wake soon.”

“Do you mean this is all a dream?”

“Yes, but just because it’s in your head doesn’t make it any less real.” She smiled and waved her hands. Rachael saw more fabric appear from nothing and form itself into a table and chairs. “Come, don’t be shy, it’s perfectly safe.”

Rachael sat at the table and saw something she hadn’t before: a tea pot, made out of more of the same fabric, was sitting there with two cups on either side of it. Rachael sat as Schway Schway poured the tea. Rachael expected to see more fabric pouring out of the spout, but tea poured out and filled both cups with a rich earthy smelling tea. Taking a sip, she found her entire body warmed all the way through.

“This is very good!” Rachael said.

Schway Schway nodded. “Thank you. It’s a family recipe made from dreams. They are unformed dreams, so they have not lost their sweetness or their potential. Drink and be filled with light.”

Rachael did and found the tea more wonderful than anything else she’d had before. A question occurred to her and she put down her tea cup to ask it. “Why am I here? Why did you send for me?”

Schway Schway put down her own cup and held out her hands to Rachael, taking Rachael’s hands in her own. “You have forgotten how to dream. Being here is the first step.”

“But dreams aren’t real, they can’t do anything.”

“On the contrary. Dreams are filled with hope, with longing. They keep us going when nothing else will. What was your fondest dream as a child Rachael?”

Rachael didn’t have to think about it. “I’ve always wanted to see the world, to take in as much of it I could see.”

“What else? You must have more than one dream.” Schway Schway prompted her. “Dream big, Rachael.”

“Well, it’s silly…”

“No dream is ever silly. What is it?”

“I have a vivid memory from my early childhood. I remember when our choir performed on a real stage. I will never forget how it felt to be on that stage: the lighting, the warm sound. It was intoxicating.” She took another deep breath. “I want to perform in a musical.”

“And you shall, Rachael Kyte. You will soar like the kite in your name, high into the wind and beyond. “

“How did you know my last name?”

“This is your dream. You tell me.”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s the wonderful thing about dreams. Even if they are of the unknown, the reflect things we’ve seen or heard that day and interpret it for us, to be played back at a later time. Don’t live your life in dreams. Live your dreams instead.”

The fabric woman and the world around her began to fade. Rachael knew she was waking up. She was filled with a momentary panic. “Wait, I don’t know what to do!”

“Yes you do. You’ve always known.”

Blackness came then and Schway Schway and the mirror world disappeared.

When she opened her eyes and looked around her room, Rachael was in her bedroom, in her bed, surrounded by all of her things. Everything was different however because she saw the world in a different way now.

She went to get out of bed but noticed something sitting on her bedspread. It was a broach, shaped like a frog. Looking at it, she knew it was her frog, Schway Schway’s frog. It had the same markings and the same beautiful jewel toned colours, each a small bead that shone like the light of a rainbow.

Picking it up, she saw a note was pinned to it. It was two words written on a piece of fabric that she thought might have come from Schway Schway’s dress.

The note read: Dream big.

Rachael felt warmth run through her, almost as if she’d had another sip of the dream tea. She knew that from now on, she would start living her dreams and the thought didn’t terrify her. It filled her with excitement.

“Dream big.” She said out loud.

She pinned the frog broach to her nightgown and got out of bed. She would look through the want ads for parts in musicals or choirs, anything she fancied. Rachael smiled as she went to the kitchen to find the paper.

She would start making some of her dreams a reality. They may only be dreams, but they were hers. She would stop holding on to regret and start living.

Rachael would dream big and anything was possible.

 

Dedicated to Rachael Kyte who is awesome. 🙂

The Querent – A Poem

The cards wanted to sing to me.Aleister Crowleyt

I wanted to open the portal

to the possible,

and what I had to know.

Each card was a window,

into another world.

They showed the possible.

The were keys to

the mystery that was life.

They filled my world with

Fire, Water, Air and Earth

Wands, Cups, Swords and Disks.

I went to them,

and took them from

within silk and wood.

I held them and asked

what I needed to know.

Then I lay them down,

and read what they

had to say to me.

* For Trevour Strudwick for the title of this poem and the teachings behind it.

A Side of Chalice with Dinner – A Poem

I met him out front,download

not willing yet to take him

into my sanctum sanctorum.

He hadn’t earned that right yet.

I didn’t know him,

that was the point of meeting.

I knew things would not

work out in my favour

when he looked at me.

His eyes were cold and

there was no light within.

He gave me an up and down look,

taking me all in

and dismissing me right away.

“You don’t look like your pictures.” He said.

“How can I not?” I said. “They’re pictures of me.”

“Well for one thing, you didn’t have that.”

He made a hand flipping motion

as if he wanted to shoo the cane away.

“You didn’t tell me you walked with one of those.”

“Should that make a difference?”

“Yes. I don’t want to date half a man. What’s going on with that?”

“I told you. I have MS.”

“You said you were on meds. I assumed that meant you were cured.”

I was stunned, shocked, and felt the

chalice breaking into pieces.

It was different this time though.

It wasn’t shattering.

It was preparing for battle.

We walked to the restaurant,

the wind and cold slicing into me,

as if the wind carried knifes.

The chalice inside of me

was also breaking into shards,

long pieces that I could feel in my mouth,

pressing against my tongue and cheeks.

We sat down to dinner and ordered.

I didn’t know why I was here.

He had seemed so nice when

we had spoken before, so kind.

His true self was shining through however.

“So, how long have you had MS?”

“Since January of last year.”

“Must be kind of shitty. Living a half life.”

“I live a full life. I love my life.”

“How can you love your life if you have MS?”

His voice was cold and dismissive.

“That’s not a life, that’s a death sentence.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The shards of the chalice had found their way out.

They lodged themselves into his his face.

Though he didn’t know they were there,

I could see them shining brightly,

catching the light like after thoughts.

“It’s made me more grateful for the small things.

It’s made me a better person because everything I do is a victory.

It’s helped me learn a lot about me and I love myself.”

“Good thing you do, no one will love you with that monkey on your back.”

I sat there stunned at his words.

I had struggled all year to find peace.

I would not let one man determine my self love.

“You’re wrong. There’s lots of love in my life.

I love myself, I have family and friends who love me,

who know me. And I love myself. That’s what matters.”

He scoffed. “You love yourself. How quaint.”

I motioned to the waiter.

“Can you wrap my food to go please?”

“You’re not leaving are you. We haven’t even had dinner.”

“I’m going to have dinner. At home.”

“We’re on a date!”

He was outraged that I was daring to leave.

“I’m stronger than you. I’m a better person than you.

I’m a different person and I love who I’ve become.

I don’t need any of your bad vibes messing up

what I’ve worked to hard to gain.”

“And what is that? What can a half man like you have gained?”

I thought about it for a moment

but the answer was there waiting to be spoken.

“I found myself.” I said.

I took my food from the waiter

and turned to look at him.

He looked as if he was covered

in shards of ice.

I flicked my hand and the shards

of the chalice came back to me,

slipping into place so that the chalice

was whole once more.

“Have a nice life. I know I will.”

I walked home, feeling the joy

of my own making filling my body,

keeping me warm against the cold.

An Excerpt from Boyfriends

boyfriends11I’ve had  quite a few emails about Boyfriends, my current work in progress. So I thought I’d post an excerpt! Here’s Chapter One to start your weekend off!

There’s some naughty language (gasp!) but it’s not R or X rated. LOL!

Enjoy! 

 
* * *

“So which one of you fuckers is going to pay for this beer?”

Blaine turned and faced them:

Nancy, the delightful one. He was also incredibly feminine. Fruity, if you will. “I can’t,” he said. “I just picked up a new MAC foundation and the new Brittany CD.” Nancy shrugged as if this should be common knowledge. “I’m fresh out.”

Blaine looked at Chuck. He was always out for a good time. Blaine knew he’d have cash on him. But Chuck shook his head. “Sorry man,” he grinned. “But I got me some K.”

“What the hell is K?” Blaine asked.

“It’s the new thing, apparently.” Chuck said. He looked around and quietly took out a little baggie. “Gives you a whole on body buzz.”

“It’s cat tranquilizer.” Mike said.

Blaine gagged. “Cat tranquilizer?” Blaine took a sip of his beer to clear the awful taste in his mouth. “Why do you do that to yourself?” Chuck was always trying out new drugs and never turned down an opportunity to experiment. He also had more money than God and the Pope put together. If you’re going to live the lifestyle of an upper class queen, you gotta have the money.

“Well, it’s alright.” Mike said. “But it makes you feel really groggy afterwards. I tried some with a guy I met down at The Cabin.” The Cabin was a happening scene for the young to the middle aged. It was also rumoured to have one of the best cruising bathrooms in the City.

“We did it right there in the bathroom, fucked me in one toilet stalls.” Mike smiled. “William got so huffy when I told him about it last night.” William was Mike’s partner. They explored what would be termed as an Open Relationship. Or, since neither slept with the other, you could call it a Very Open Relationship.

“You didn’t let him fuck you bareback, did you?” Nancy simpered. “A Lady has to protect oneself, you hear?”

Chuck laughed. “I don’t see no ladies here.”

Nancy admired his nail polish. “Well, speak for yourself, but I am a lady.” Nancy snapped his fingers. “Oh hell yeah.”  He turned to face Mike. “So did you? Fuck him beareback?”

“No,” he said, laughing. “He had a condom with him, pulled it out of his pants pocket.”

Blaine laughed. “No one is that prepared.”

 “Tell me about it.” Mike said. “I turned to him and asked him ‘Have you done this before?’” He laughed. “Still though, good ride. My ribs hurt a little today.”

Blaine sighed and took another swallow of beer. “Too much information.” He reached for a cigarette off the table and lit it. Inhaled. “You are such a fuckwit.” Blaine sighed again. “So is no one going to help me out here?”

He seemed to be the designated beer wench. Ever single fucking time we go out, he thought. I mean, I really don’t mind. Sometimes you have to pay to have friends. Money makes things easier.

Blaine sighed. Right, keep telling yourself that, he thought. Blaine knew the answer to his question and took out his wallet. “You guys are such fucking assholes, you know that?”

“What’s up with you today anyways?” Mike asked. He ran a finger through his spiked hair to make sure every blonde lock was in place. You must look presentable at all times, after all. “You’ve been all cunty lately.” He reached for one of Blaine’s cigarettes and lit one for himself.

Blaine shrugged. “Just out of it I guess.” I shrugged. “I miss David.”

Nancy sighed. “If I have to listen to another story about how much you miss that nasty man, I’m going to go straight.” He shook a finger at me. “You mind me; I will not suffer through another summer with you talking about how he treats you.” He took a sip of his Mai Tai. “He demeans you,” he said. “There, I’ve said it.”

“Take it easy, Mona.” Chuck said. “Leave the boy alone. He’s just going through a dry spell, is all.”

 “Just leave it alone,” Blaine said, turning away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 “Maybe you have to.” Nancy said. “It’s been six months.”

 “I know how long it’s been.”

“There’s no law against dating is there?” He tried.

Blaine shook my head. “No.”

“Then why are you still alone?” He asked. Nancy was on a role tonight. Once in a while, he latched on to something and never let go until you heard what he said. Some people thought he was a flashy femme queer, but he was more than that. He was intelligent and a brightness was there. Say what you will about him though, the fag knew about fashion.

He reached out and touched my hand. “We just don’t like seeing you so lonely, Blaine.” He Nancy told his friend. “You’re gorgeous; you just have to get back into the game, put yourself back on the market.”

 “Maybe I want more than that.” Blaine said. “I’ve seen what’s on the market.”

Nancy shook his head. “Well, honey? What else is there? It’s all about wham bam thank you Stan. Tenderness doesn’t exist.”

Chuck snorted. “Says the man who believes in True Love.” The way he said it, we knew the quotation marks were in place. You could almost see them in the air. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 “True Love exists.” Nancy said. “You can’t un-prove that. You can prove that there is too much hardness in this City.”  He took another sip of his Mai Tai and reached for a cigarette. “It’s a fact of life.”

Blaine shrugged. “Well maybe I want something more than that.” He whispered. He didn’t think that Nancy had heard him speak, but he did.

“Oh, honey?” Nancy smiled. “You want love don’t you?” He took a drag of his cigarette. “Well, then let me tell you something.” He pointed a finger at Blaine who blinked in surprise at its fierceness. “True Love can’t be found.”

Nancy stubbed out his cigarette. “It finds you.”

Blaine shrugged and took out his wallet to pay for the beer.