Number-one bestselling author
i feel this endless need
to say that I’m sorry.
i know it’s not my fault,
that the storm that rages
within my skin
is not of my doing,
but i want to make everything better,
want to somehow
take away the pain
that it’s causing everyone
and the endless inconveniences
of being sick.
my mind knows
that none of this is my fault
but I want to make everything
better, easier, more manageable.
i know that i have no control over this,
but I carry this guilt with me,
this anger at what the storm
has caused me to sacrifice,
the endless hours of darkness,
wandering around in a body
that i no longer understand,
having to find a new way
over and through the mountains
that are my life.
And yet,
it is because of those mountains
that i have truly seen the world
and what it has to offer me,
the land spreading far and wide
all around me.
i know that the mountain
and the storm that live inside me
are almost insurmountable,
but i will keep climbing,
letting the water wash over me
until I reach the top.

You’re all cordially invited to a party!
My publisher Renaissance Press is throwing a holiday book launch and you don’t need to leave the comfort of your own home! How awesome is that?
There will be readings, heartwarming tales of yuletides past, prizes to be won and ugly sweaters! How cool is that?
Each of the authors will be reading from their new books! They are a fantastic collection of stories waiting to be read!
Samantha’s Sandwich Stand by Sonia Saikaley and illustrated by Nathan Caro Frechette (children’s picture book)
Coffee Shop Between The ‘Verses by Éric Desmarais (YA)
Beyond the Stone by Jamieson Wolf (queer paranormal romance)
Dissatisfied Me: A Love Story by Bruce D. Gordon (humour)
Artificial Divide, edited by Robert Kingett and Randy Lacey
Shifting Trust by Madona Skaff-Koren
More info can be found here:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1343323029455596
I’ll be reading from my new novel Beyond the Stone. I hope you can all make it! It’s free and will be tons of fun.
Make sure to register and wear your ugly sweater! It will be tons of holiday fun.
I live with Cerebral Palsy and Multiple Sclerosis.
After my last MRI a few months ago, they found new lesions in my brain caused by the Multiple Sclerosis. I was put on a new drug called Mavenclad. Its purpose is to wipe away the immune system so that when it rebuilds itself, it will hopefully do so without the lesions. It’s a chemo drug normally used to treat leukemia.
When the medication arrived, it had a red sticker on it with a big white cross. I’d never received something with a medical symbol of any kind on it, but for some reason it stuck with me, that big white cross. I’m not sure how the subject came up, but when I was talking to my Wonder Mom one day during the treatment, she mentioned the fact that I was like a superhero and maybe the Mavenclad was going to ramp up my powers.
“I would totally need a cape,” I told her.
“Yes, a red cape with a white cross.” She said.
“No, not red and white. I would need a purple cape with a sparkly silver cross. That would be more my style.”
“Yes, you could be Captain Mavenclad!”
“Hmmm, what about Captain Maven?” I was thinking of the way I tried to remember the medication name: I’m a maven clad in raven’s clothes.
“That does have a nice ring to it.”
Now I couldn’t get the image of Captain Maven out of my head. I asked the very talented CaitGordon if she could draw me a Captain Maven drawing. She did so, giving him a cup of power (I had to drink a lot of water when I took the Mavenclad) and a sceptre of light (I sometimes walk with a cane, and I like to sparkle). To say that I loved it is putting it mildly. It put the whole chemo med thing into something that I could draw light from, something that brought me joy. I love that drawing so very much.
Then it occurred to me, if my Mavenclad medication could be a superhero, what about all the other medications that I take? I ended up settling on Finley (Baclofin), Tara Dawn (Trazodone), Sandoz (Sandoz Solifenacin), Dez (Apo-Desmopressin), Tianado (Apo-Tizandadine) and Carley Bravo (CBD oil). They would be a group of superheroes that would do battle against Cracklepuss (Cerebral Palsy) and Max Shadow (Multiple Sclerosis), protecting the streets of Ottawa and keeping the people safe.
I normally write a story for Christmas every year and give it away for free. I thought it would be neat to write a story with this group of supers and set it during the holidays. It never occurred to me that I would write a full novella as I normally just write a short story to give away. I’m already thinking of other stories that could happen with the other characters.
I can’t tell you what joy this story has brought to me and how much fun it was to create a world of superheroes that are really just like ordinary people…with a bit of something extra. I do hope that you enjoyed this tale as much as I enjoyed writing it.
It comes out later this month, just in time for the Holidays! Stay tuned!
as the sea threatens
to take me away again,
my first thought is
“i didn’t ask for this.”
as the waters grow deeper,
i have to remember
that none of this is my fault,
that the disease
which ravages my
internal world is not
something i asked for,
nor is it something that
i can control.
much like the waters
which threaten to overtake me,
there is no way
i will know the path
that my disease,
the shadowy spectre
of multiple sclerosis,
takes me on.
all i can do
is take each step
one at a time
so that I can scale
each mountain that
blocks my path
and keep my head
above the waters
that threaten to
swallow me completely.
as I walk along
each mountain, each cliff edge,
i let go of the sea
within myself
so that it cascades
down the rockface
like a waterfall,
stretching its fingers
behind me, even as I
walk forwards
towards what
is possible.
carry that tarnished
piece of metal,
the penny which
contained a wish.
a piece of paper
with the words “…love is…”
written upon it,
kept like a spell
hidden inside a book.
the book itself,
a talisman against
the mundane,
its stories read so many times
that pages are beginning
to fall away from its spine.
magic can be so simple,
a mere thought
or significance given
to ordinary objects,
yet they shine
because we think they do,
proof that humans
are capable of
everyday magics and
acts of the extra ordinary.
What other things
shine like stars in your pockets?