I approached the glass window.

The man on the other side reminded me of the guard to the land of Oz. I wondered briefly if he would say anything about a horse of a different colour. That’s what I was hoping for anyways. The man smiled at me, and it looked genuine.

“Hello there! Can I see some identification? Just a licence or a photo ID card will do, nothing fancy.”

I showed him my photo ID and he made a few notes in his computer, entering my name and statistics like height, eye colour, hair colour, etc. Then he held up a scanner. “Now I want you to remain perfectly still for me, this won’t take but a minute.”

“Why are you scanning me?” I kept the fear from my voice even if I couldn’t stop the worry from sounding so evident.

The man, his gold name tag said that his name was Clive, gave me a brilliant smile that showed all of his teeth but didn’t look threatening. “This is just so we can set a baseline. We need to know how much space there is within you before we give you anything back. You are aware of how the procedure works?”

“Yes,” I said. I had been reading nothing but medical journals for a few days now.

“Perfect. The doctor will look over the information that we collect today and then she will know how to proceed tomorrow and what kind of procedure you will need.”

“All right,” I said. I knew that I would have to come back at lest once. Occasionally, she wasn’t successful the first time around and it needed other treatments. I was hopeful for mine. “That’s fine.”

“Perfect. Just remain still for me and keep your eyes open. Try not to blink.”

“Why do you scan the eyes?” I asked. That was the one piece of information that I couldn’t find from reading the medical journals.

Clive gave me another brilliant smile. “The eyes tell the language of the heart. Did you know that you can tell a lot about how a person loves by looking into their eyes? They can tell us stories that not even the skin can recall.” He held up the scanner.

It looked like a scanner used in grocery stores, but I knew that it was a different kind. It knew that it saw deeper than any scanner at Walmart could. The medical journals said that it scanned your soul. I hoped that it would need to, that I would be allowed to have the procedure.

That evening, I wondered what the next day would bring. Would I be successful? And if I was, what would I do with all my newfound memories? Would they leave me changed or would I still be myself, but somehow more? Just like the medical journals not saying why they had to scan your eyes, they also did not specify what it felt like to have everything put back inside of you. How did a person live with what they had lost? The success rates were high, almost 100%, but there was that one percent of people that couldn’t handle it. How did you go from feeling nothing to feeling everything? It sometimes proved to be too much.

When I returned to the office the next day, Clive was there behind the glass. I wondered if he ever went home. He waved when he saw me. “You’re in luck! You’ve been cleared for the procedure! The doctor is waiting for you.” His smile widened. “In fact, here she is!”

I turned around and there she was. She was even more stunning than the magazine pictures. She came towards me, giving me a soft smile. “Jamieson, I’m so happy to see you, come in come in.” She held open the door to her office and I stepped inside.

The room was filled with soft blue light. She motioned for me to sit in a high-backed chair, and she took the other one across from me. “I’m so happy that you came to me, Jamieson.” Her smile was blinding but kind. “It’s not often that I get many patients with your potential.”

She started setting up a contraption that reminded me a lot of a tool that ophthalmologists used when they are testing your eyes. There was a chin rest and a soft pulsing light that shone that would shine in my eyes. I had read about the procedure in countless magazines.

“So, that’s what will make this all work?” I asked.

She smiled and the blue light shone off of her teeth. “That’s what will help your heart grow again.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

“Well, you gave so much of your heart away in previous relationships. They took and took pieces of your heart but didn’t give anything back. This procedure will rectify that.”

I nodded as if this all made sense. “Why the colour blue?” I asked. This was all I could think of. I had so many questions, but this was the one that came to the surface first.

The doctor gave me a kind smile that was less blinding than before and I found it very reassuring. She reached out and took my hand. “Blue is the colour of love, and of human emotion. It’s also the colour of your spirit, Jamieson. This will help heal your heart and your spirit will make sure to help you on this journey. You have so much empty space in your heart because you gave so much of it away. Do you want it back?”

I nodded and she gave me another kind smile. “Just put your chin here,” she said.

I did so and she turned on some calming music that immediately soothed me. She pressed another button and the blue light in front of me became brighter. As my body began to expand, I wondered if I had done the right thing coming here.