The Bright Star of Change – A Poem

With great changeLady on the Clif

comes uncertainty, that

moment where we

feel as if

we are balancing

on the edge

of a precipice.

We have but

two choices: to

stay where we

are or to

move forward, to

leap off of

that edge and

let the wind

take us where

it will. There

will come a

moment of clarity,

a bright shining

star in the

distance, held in

a tender, soft

embrace, the sky

cradling that star

like a child.

As you fall,

you also rise

up, high enough

to grab that

star, to take

hold of the

brightness that it

emanates. As you

hold the star

within your hand,

it brightens even

the darkest shadows

so that you

can see forever,

beyond and within.

The star beings

to fade, but

fear not for

it sinks into

your skin, to

brighten the light

that already shines

from within you.

You stepped off

of the edge,

uncertain and unsure

of what the

future would bring.

As you gently

alight upon the

ground, you are

changed, you are

whole. You are

a bright Warrior,

shining like the

sun.

Singing the Spirit Song – A Poem

When I look inside myself,small

I see many things:

There is a pathway that runs

through a terrain

that twists and turns

over mountain dessert,

through meadows and glades,

and traces a finger over water

in the shape of a bridge.

It is never ending

and as I walk forwards along it,

sometimes I take a moment

to look behind me.

I see the mountains

that I have already climbed,

the cliffs that I have already scaled,

and the depths from which

I have climbed out of.

As I take in the steps

that I have already walked

and look onward to the ones

that I have yet to take,

I can hear a song that

rides upon the wind.

It sings to me,

to my Spirit.

There is something so pure

about the notes gracing my ears.

I begin walking onward,

moving forward towards

my future and the wonders

that it will hold.

The notes grow louder still.

They are the wind,

the sunshine on my face,

the sound of a cloud

as its shadow passes

over my face.

I stop walking,

only for a moment,

so that I can listen,

let the tune pull me along

so that I can walk farther.

I look down at the ground

as I’m walking.

I can feel the notes

through the soles of my feet.

They are the wind and the sun,

but they are also a beat

that moves me and makes me

want to keep walking.

I look back from where I’ve come

and I see that each step I’ve taken,

every single step,

if lit up like firefly,

glowing with its own light.

The beat is still going strong

and I can feel it in my feet,

in my lungs, in the tips of my fingers.

I can feel it in my chest,

and I realise that each note,

soft and lilting and so full of promise,

is my music.

It is the music of my journey.

I take a moment to listen

and I realise that the music

is coming from within me.

It is the music of my soul,

but more than that,

it is the song of my Spirit,

that bright force which guides me,

child and ancient all in one.

I stand there listening,

so many steps yet to come,

and I know that

I am home.

A Dream Made Flesh – A Short Story

smallerShe clutched at the shawl around her head.

“You should have used a pin to hold that in place, or something.” Costa said, unhelpfully.

Looking at him, Annigail stuck out her tongue. “You’re one to talk. You’re fucking invisible.”

“All the better to observe everyone. It’s what we do, remember. Or have you forgotten?”

“You know I haven’t.” Annigail said with an edge of steel to her voice.

A tendril of her hair snuck free from underneath the shawl and the light around her glowed brighter, the air seemed to him. She pushed the hair back underneath the shawl. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Such language! Do they all talk like that here? Or is it just you who speaks so eloquently?”

Letting out a loud yell of rage, Annigail pointed a finger at him in a threatening manner. “Don’t make me come over there and rip your fucking wings off, you fucking bastard.”

Costa smiled. “Oh, the dulcet tones of your voice, how I’ve missed them. There isn’t anywhere I’d rather be than on this…did you call is a but? It feels like a can full of sardines held together with spit and a prayer. Do human’s actually ride in these things willingly?”

“It’s called a bus.” She ended the word on a hiss. “And people need a way to get around.”

“Why don’t they just magic themselves where they want to go? Close their eyes and think of where they want to be and then, poof! They are there. We’ve always done things thusly.”

“That kind of thing only works in your world. Here we exist without magic.”

Grimacing, Costa said “You don’t mean to tell me you actually walk? Annigail You are royalty. The least you could do is have someone carry you or fly. You can still fly, can’t you? You haven’t done something horrible like cut off your wings in an act of rebellion, have you?” Costa reached out to her and clutched at her left arm. “Oh Gods, Annigail! Please tell me you weren’t so stupid?”

“What do you think I’m wearing this shawl? Clearly not for fashion points.” To prove her point, Annigail fluttered her wings a bit, which made the shawl flap behind her.

Costa put a hand to his chest. “Oh, thank the Gods. I mean, when they told me you had come here, to this…place, I thought they had learned a few tricks from your uncle Loki.”

Annigail scoffed. “By then, I suppose you mean my parents?”

“Yes, angel, who did you think I meant? Why don’t you come home? They miss you.”

“They’re the reason I’m here.” She said.

“Surely not. I doubt that Morganna and Oberon would never see fit to send you to a place filled with so much…smog.” He shuddered. “Sweetheart, wouldn’t you rather come home? Where your family is, and you have everything you could possibly want?”

“That’s part of the reason I’m here!” Annigail said. “Anything and everything you could possibly want in the blink of an eye!” Her voice was raising but she didn’t care. “When was the last time you actually worked for something you wanted?”

Costa grinned and stretched, ruffling his wings. “Oh honey, it’s work for me getting up in the morning. That counts for something, doesn’t it?”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Why are you here, Costa?”

He ran a finger up her arm. “Mayhap to rekindle an old flame? How long has it been since you’ve ridden a maypole?”

Annigail slapped Costa’s hand away. “You’re such a fucking pig.”

He simpered. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Seriously, honey, what’s with all the anger? And why are you here? Why won’t you come home? Are you just torturing yourself? Is that it? You’re being a sexy martyr, aren’t you?”

She crossed her arms. “You wouldn’t understand if I told you.”

“Try me.” Costa reached out and touched her arm, running a finger along her skin. “There was a time we always understood each other. Don’t you remember?”

She slapped his hand away. “Don’t you fucking touch me!” She stood and towered over him. “That was another problem! All of the Fey folk, always fucking like rabbits! It’s all trickery and fucking with the whole lot of you.”

“You’re one of us, Annigail. You can’t deny who you are.” He smiled kindly. “Besides, I’ve brought some friends to see you, too.” He opened his coat and reached inside. When he pulled it out, two small pixies, so beautiful and sporting a bright metallic purple colour, sat on his palm. They were smiling at her and one of them waved.

“You brought pixies here? Don’t you know what trouble they can cause? Besides, they were your pets!” He held his hand out and the pixies flew up to Annigail, rushing around her head and talking in high pitched voices.

Annigail swatted at her head and began screaming. “You dare to bring them here? Where they could die? There’s so much technology here that their magic could drain out of them? Have you no conscience?”

Sighing, Costa crossed his arms. “There’s no need to yell at me. I love those little guys, too. I would never put them in danger. I’ll have you know that I put a cloaking spell around them, so they should be good for a while yet. Now will you sit the fuck down and tell me why you’re here? Why won’t you come home?”

Annigail let out a rough breath and sat back down. “I can’t, Costa. I hope you understand.”

He gave Annigail a hard gaze, narrowing his eyes at her. “I can’t understand because you’ve told me nothing about why you’re here.” He held his arm out, making a gesture to encompass everyone on the bus. “It smells here. The people seem rude and ignorant. I’ve only been here for a few hours and already I’ve seen two fights and read about the war going on in this land.”

Taking Annigail’s hands in his, he looked into her eyes. “I don’t understand. You could have anything you could dream of, many things you have yet to dream, if you went home. Why are you here? In this world without magic, there is nothing.”

She gently pulled her hands away and the pixies flew down to her, dancing in her hair. “There is magic everywhere here and there is everything.”

Costa let out a scoff of disbelief. “Don’t insult my intelligence. These people have to fight for everything and they are a rudimentary people at best.” He fluttered his wings. “I haven’t seen so many people in need of magic all at once before. They look like a sad lot.”

Annigail shook her head. “You’re wrong.” She pointed to a mother with her two children. She was reading to them from a book she had pulled from her bag. “See that? That mother sharing knowledge with her offspring so that they can grow and learn? That is magic.”

She pointed to the seats behind her. A younger man gave an older woman his seat. “And that? That man got up and gave that woman his chair, making sure that she was settled. Now he stands instead. That is magic.”

Turning to look out the windows of the bus, Annigal pointed to a man giving change to a homeless woman who sat on the ground in the snow. “That man gave that money that he had earned so that hopefully that woman will have something to eat tonight. That is magic.”

He smiled at her and patted her hand. “Still so naive, after all this time?”

“I’m not naive, I simply choose to believe the best of people. Kindness is magic. Every kind act increases the magic of this realm.” She turned to Costa and smiled. “Can’t you see how it shines?”

Costa let out a snort. “I think shine is putting it on a bit thick, don’t you? More like lumbers, don’t you think?”

Annigail touched his right cheek softly. “Oh, Costa. Still the same after all this time. So enchantingly simple and shallow.” She took her hand away. “I look after these people and the magic they are creating. They do not know it, but each one of them holds a grain of magic inside them. With each kind act, each time they believe in the fantastic, the magic grows.”

She stood, and Costa saw the magic spark in her eyes, the fire of it riding like silver lightning along her skin. “Sometimes though, I like to help their magic along.”

Annigail let her black shawl fall to the ground. She stood there, her hair falling to the ground in deep red ringlets that shone like the sun. Her wings were opalescent, and they pulsed and moved like the water from the sea. Her gown was a dark green that made Costa think of forests filled with trees. She flew a few inches off the floor of the bus, glowing ever so brightly, a dream made flesh.

The entire bus looked at her and Costa knew that they would all believe in magic from this day forward. Even he could see the kernels of magic inside each of the mortals growing bigger as the moments passed. Soon, the bus was filled with a light that the mortals could not see, but they could feel it.

Approaching the bus driver, Annigail said kindly, “I’d like to get off at the next stop, please.”

She turned back to Costa and bestowed a glowing smile upon him. “Tell my parents that I’m okay. It was good to see you, Costa.”

The bus stopped, and she carefully got off. The doors closed, and the bus began speeding away. Costa ran to the window, the pixies following close by, to see if Annigail was still there. He put his hand on the glass of the bus window and looked back to where she had gotten on.

She was already gone. He could see a shimmer of magic in the air. Looking back at the people in the bus, he was shocked to see that they were all looking at him.

Well fuck, he thought.

The Gift Within the Darkness by Brian D. Calhoun

41n38dd8allThere are all kinds of death.

A job could end suddenly, a friendship could drift apart or perhaps a marriage falters. There is also the ending of a life; death happens all around us and all throughout our lives. How do you cope with such change an upheaval when the body and the mind want to float within the sea of shadows that is in all of us?

Thankfully, there is a light in the dark, a gift that we are being given, something we have to learn or something we can take away that will be for the better.

Brian D. Calhoun has written a book called The Gift Within the Darkness: Healing Insights, Heartfelt Stories and Techniques to Reconnect after Death that talks about this very subject. Here’s a bit about the book:

Have you recently experienced a death?

Are you still struggling after your loved one transitioned years ago?

Perhaps you have encountered a loss in another aspect of your life?

The Gift Within the Darkness is a unique and insightful view at the effects of loss on you and your life. Within these pages, you will discover how you can heal and reconnect after death, with a specific look at:

Understanding death with its varying disguises

How grief affects you in different ways

How to move past the pain to see and experience the gift

The bereavement process

How death can impact you and your life – long after loss

Healing and connecting with spirit

And more…

You too can get in touch with the energy contained within the soul, through the teachings, heartfelt stories, prayers and healing messages shared within this book.

Connect with your angels, guides, psychic abilities and energy bodies to learn how to channel these forces to reconnect with your heavenly loved ones to get your own messages, should you wish to.

The Gift Within the Darkness provides you with incredible insights about a world that is an enigma for many. Get your copy today and begin to unravel the mystery now!

Brian asked several others to contribute their stories for the book, to show that loss and death could happen at any time in our lives and how we chose to deal with it. When Brian asked me to write a piece for the book, I knew that I wanted to write about the end of my previous marriage and what it cost me; also, what I learned and gained in my healing.

I share it with you in hopes that it helps someone else. You can find it below. Make sure to get a copy of The Gift Within the Darkness at here:

Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Within-Darkness-Heartfelt-Techniques/dp/1775204308/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515705517&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Gift+within+the+darkness

Amazon.ca: https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Within-Darkness-Heartfelt-Techniques/dp/1775204308/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1515705571&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Gift+within+the+darkness+Brian+D.+Calhoun

And now, here is my piece from The Gift Within the Darkness:

 

Clearing Away the Smoke with Fire

My mind was a sea of fog.

Through the thick cloud I could hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing. My entire world was numb. Within that numbness appeared three words:

“You’re a failure.”

As I tried to go on with my life and attempted to find something good left within it, I walked through the fog that followed me everywhere. From within that fog came three words:

“You’re a failure.”

I lay within my fog. The last three words he had spoken to me repeated again and again inside my head.

“You’re a failure.”

I replayed every moment, everything that had been said, as my marriage crashed to pieces around me. I saw myself trying to catch the pieces in the air, but they were jagged crystal from a broken chalice that sliced through my hands until they erupted in blood. My palms looked as if they were covered with liquid rose petals.

I was like this for a few weeks. Until the papers came.

When they arrived, I didn’t know what they were. I felt a sense of unease as I stared at the official envelope. The plain rectangle screamed not to be opened, but I had to know. When I slid the envelope open and withdrew the papers, I saw Robert’s name.

Then I read through them, one sheet at a time.

They were divorce papers, the ones he didn’t even have the courage to hand me himself. I sat down, gutted, the walls moving around me as if the world itself was shaking. He had asked for the separation and I had given that to him. I had given him everything: my heart, my comfort, and my sanity.

I had given him everything and he had given me nothing in return.

I sat there, shaking, the papers trembling in my grasp. Then I looked at them again. He had not signed them. Both spots for the signatures remained empty. He had mailed me the papers to goad me into coming back to him, or just to upset me. It had the desired effect, but not the way that Robert hoped it would.

“You’re a coward,” I said out loud. My voice boomed in my small apartment. “You’re a coward, Robert. You’re a coward.”

I felt furious. A fire burned in me, bright and strong, and it cleared away the fog. It cleared away the fear. My sense of self returned to me, an awareness of me that hadn’t been there for years. I had sacrificed a lot of myself to my marriage and had let Robert cut away until I was but a shell of who I had been.

He had taken away my friends, who had stopped calling to talk to me. He had driven a wedge in between my parents and me. He had left me alone on an island within a marriage. At that moment, when I was at my lowest, I decided that I would never be alone again.

I would come to know myself once more, and I would start living my life, not just merely existing or wading through the fog. I wanted to engage with life, celebrate life, and truly live it. I would not let Robert’s last words be my own.

I began a journey that day, sitting in my dark apartment. I searched for the light in my life. Where there was none, I created light so that there would be no more darkness or mist. There would be no more shadows. I would finally take control of my own life, rather than let someone else control me.

I reconnected with friends, forged ahead in my writing career, and strengthened my relationship with my parents. I also stayed open to love and the possibility that there was love out there in the world for me—real, true love.

The separation had taken over my life, but now I could focus again on living. In the end, what had seemed like the most horrible thing to me at the time turned into a gift. I was no longer under someone else’s control, no longer in the dark.

What Robert had unknowingly given me has continued to give back. The death of my marriage had brought me a new life, a new existence. I was able to mend my chalice.

For that, I am eternally thankful.

 

The Journey That Has Become My Life – A Poem

The journey thatsmaller

has become my

life has taken

me on many

twists and turns,

the path guiding

me over hills

and into gullies,

past gardens and

meadows that sat

alongside abandoned buildings,

their windows crushed

into glittering sand.

The journey that

has become my

life has led

me over oceans,

to the top

of the highest

mountain, through a

wasteland that was

filled with burnt

trees. It was

while climbing that

mountain that I

debated whether I

could go any

further, whether there

was a point

to the constant

journey, any purpose

in continuing a

journey that seemed

to get me

nowhere. I sat

at the top

of that mountain

and looked at

the world around

me, at the

water that flowed

through the earth,

intend on its

own path. The

sun was warm

on my face

and I felt

something fall into

place inside of

me, as if

it had been

waiting for that

moment of realization.

I sat there,

the sun warming

my skin, and

realized that I wasn’t

on a physical

journey. Looking around

me, I realized

that all these

different places, both

the lush gardens

and the shadowy

abandoned buildings covered

in diamond dust,

existed within me.

The journey that

I was on

was inside of

myself, as I

got to know

myself, and my

spirit, all over

again. As I

continue along my

path, I can’t help

but wonder what

sights I have

left to see.