Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
The Gift Within the Darkness by Brian D. Calhoun
There are all kinds of death.
A job could end suddenly, a friendship could drift apart or perhaps a marriage falters. There is also the ending of a life; death happens all around us and all throughout our lives. How do you cope with such change an upheaval when the body and the mind want to float within the sea of shadows that is in all of us?
Thankfully, there is a light in the dark, a gift that we are being given, something we have to learn or something we can take away that will be for the better.
Brian D. Calhoun has written a book called The Gift Within the Darkness: Healing Insights, Heartfelt Stories and Techniques to Reconnect after Death that talks about this very subject. Here’s a bit about the book:
Have you recently experienced a death?
Are you still struggling after your loved one transitioned years ago?
Perhaps you have encountered a loss in another aspect of your life?
The Gift Within the Darkness is a unique and insightful view at the effects of loss on you and your life. Within these pages, you will discover how you can heal and reconnect after death, with a specific look at:
Understanding death with its varying disguises
How grief affects you in different ways
How to move past the pain to see and experience the gift
The bereavement process
How death can impact you and your life – long after loss
Healing and connecting with spirit
And more…
You too can get in touch with the energy contained within the soul, through the teachings, heartfelt stories, prayers and healing messages shared within this book.
Connect with your angels, guides, psychic abilities and energy bodies to learn how to channel these forces to reconnect with your heavenly loved ones to get your own messages, should you wish to.
The Gift Within the Darkness provides you with incredible insights about a world that is an enigma for many. Get your copy today and begin to unravel the mystery now!
Brian asked several others to contribute their stories for the book, to show that loss and death could happen at any time in our lives and how we chose to deal with it. When Brian asked me to write a piece for the book, I knew that I wanted to write about the end of my previous marriage and what it cost me; also, what I learned and gained in my healing.
I share it with you in hopes that it helps someone else. You can find it below. Make sure to get a copy of The Gift Within the Darkness at here:
And now, here is my piece from The Gift Within the Darkness:
Clearing Away the Smoke with Fire
My mind was a sea of fog.
Through the thick cloud I could hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing. My entire world was numb. Within that numbness appeared three words:
“You’re a failure.”
As I tried to go on with my life and attempted to find something good left within it, I walked through the fog that followed me everywhere. From within that fog came three words:
“You’re a failure.”
I lay within my fog. The last three words he had spoken to me repeated again and again inside my head.
“You’re a failure.”
I replayed every moment, everything that had been said, as my marriage crashed to pieces around me. I saw myself trying to catch the pieces in the air, but they were jagged crystal from a broken chalice that sliced through my hands until they erupted in blood. My palms looked as if they were covered with liquid rose petals.
I was like this for a few weeks. Until the papers came.
When they arrived, I didn’t know what they were. I felt a sense of unease as I stared at the official envelope. The plain rectangle screamed not to be opened, but I had to know. When I slid the envelope open and withdrew the papers, I saw Robert’s name.
Then I read through them, one sheet at a time.
They were divorce papers, the ones he didn’t even have the courage to hand me himself. I sat down, gutted, the walls moving around me as if the world itself was shaking. He had asked for the separation and I had given that to him. I had given him everything: my heart, my comfort, and my sanity.
I had given him everything and he had given me nothing in return.
I sat there, shaking, the papers trembling in my grasp. Then I looked at them again. He had not signed them. Both spots for the signatures remained empty. He had mailed me the papers to goad me into coming back to him, or just to upset me. It had the desired effect, but not the way that Robert hoped it would.
“You’re a coward,” I said out loud. My voice boomed in my small apartment. “You’re a coward, Robert. You’re a coward.”
I felt furious. A fire burned in me, bright and strong, and it cleared away the fog. It cleared away the fear. My sense of self returned to me, an awareness of me that hadn’t been there for years. I had sacrificed a lot of myself to my marriage and had let Robert cut away until I was but a shell of who I had been.
He had taken away my friends, who had stopped calling to talk to me. He had driven a wedge in between my parents and me. He had left me alone on an island within a marriage. At that moment, when I was at my lowest, I decided that I would never be alone again.
I would come to know myself once more, and I would start living my life, not just merely existing or wading through the fog. I wanted to engage with life, celebrate life, and truly live it. I would not let Robert’s last words be my own.
I began a journey that day, sitting in my dark apartment. I searched for the light in my life. Where there was none, I created light so that there would be no more darkness or mist. There would be no more shadows. I would finally take control of my own life, rather than let someone else control me.
I reconnected with friends, forged ahead in my writing career, and strengthened my relationship with my parents. I also stayed open to love and the possibility that there was love out there in the world for me—real, true love.
The separation had taken over my life, but now I could focus again on living. In the end, what had seemed like the most horrible thing to me at the time turned into a gift. I was no longer under someone else’s control, no longer in the dark.
What Robert had unknowingly given me has continued to give back. The death of my marriage had brought me a new life, a new existence. I was able to mend my chalice.
For that, I am eternally thankful.
The Journey That Has Become My Life – A Poem
The journey that
has become my
life has taken
me on many
twists and turns,
the path guiding
me over hills
and into gullies,
past gardens and
meadows that sat
alongside abandoned buildings,
their windows crushed
into glittering sand.
The journey that
has become my
life has led
me over oceans,
to the top
of the highest
mountain, through a
wasteland that was
filled with burnt
trees. It was
while climbing that
mountain that I
debated whether I
could go any
further, whether there
was a point
to the constant
journey, any purpose
in continuing a
journey that seemed
to get me
nowhere. I sat
at the top
of that mountain
and looked at
the world around
me, at the
water that flowed
through the earth,
intend on its
own path. The
sun was warm
on my face
and I felt
something fall into
place inside of
me, as if
it had been
waiting for that
moment of realization.
I sat there,
the sun warming
my skin, and
realized that I wasn’t
on a physical
journey. Looking around
me, I realized
that all these
different places, both
the lush gardens
and the shadowy
abandoned buildings covered
in diamond dust,
existed within me.
The journey that
I was on
was inside of
myself, as I
got to know
myself, and my
spirit, all over
again. As I
continue along my
path, I can’t help
but wonder what
sights I have
left to see.
The Storyteller – A Flash Fiction Story
I’ve taken on Canadian author ’Nathan Burgoine’s monthly flash fiction challenge. The challenge for January was to write a story that was in the fairy tale genre, included the location of a prison and also included a tattoo machine as an object. All this and the story could only be 1,000 words. Here is my entry and I hope you enjoy it!
The story clocks in at 954 words and I had an absolute blast writing it. I can’t wait until next month!
The Storyteller
Once upon a time, in the village of Inglewood Hamlet, there was a woman that was covered in ink.
Mr. Brocade, the owner of the Dog and Puddle Pub, said so. “It was as if someone had covered her skin in lines of ink. They make no rhyme or reason, but there they are. T’was the oddest thing.”
Other villagers had seen her, too. Once, on a hot day, Miss. Velvete had seen the back of the woman’s neck when she had lifted the veil that covered her head so that a breeze could cool her skin. “It was beautiful.” Miss Velvete said. “Looked as if she had been dipped in ink made of the finest jewels.”
The woman heard the whispers and felt them upon her skin. She smiled. If only they knew the power of their words. She itched to get the words on paper. There were so many stories to tell.
Letting herself into what they called home, Kathan called out. “Sophie, are you home?”
Her voice echoed through out the empty cells and clattered against the stone walls and the echoes were joined by the sound of small footsteps running on stone. The prison had stood empty for so long that it seemed silly to pay for housing; what did it matter that they shared their home with the occasional spirit?
Sophie appeared out of a nearby doorway, a smile on her face. Sophie ran to Kathan and threw her arms around Kathan in a big hug.
“Oh, well if I knew I’d receive such a greeting, I would have gone to market sooner.” Kathan said with a smile. She put down her basket of foodstuffs and hugged her daughter back.
“Mama, I wrote a story! Just like you do. Want to see?”
Sophie lifted up the sleeve of her sweater and Kathan saw several words written upon her arm in a childish script. Ruffling her daughter’s hair, Kathan asked “Did you do all those letters by yourself? That’s very good poppet.”
“Now I can make magic like you, Mum!” She gave Kathan a wide smile. “Can we make some magic now? You promised!”
Kathan let out a laugh and hugged her daughter again. “You’re still too young, poppet, but I can show you how its done. Come, lets go see Ms. Maven.”
Sophie let out a loud, happy squeal and ran towards the kitchens and Kathan followed closely behind. She found Sophie chatting animatedly with Ms. Maven who was a lovely pearlescent blue. She floated a few feet off the ground in front of Sophie.
“And Mama’s going to do magic and everything! And I get to see!” Sophie said.
“You don’t say, love. Now you be a good girl while I help out your mama, okay?”
Ms. Maven patted Sophie’s head and it looked as if the wind blew at her hair. Sophie let out a giggle. “Ms. Maven! It tickles when you do that!”
Ms. Maven stuck out her tongue at Sophie and then gave her a soft smile. Floating over to Kathan, she regarded Kathan with concern. “You’re full of words today, dear. People have been telling a lot of stories.
Kathan nodded. “It’s always like that on market days. The food is in the front hall.”
“Never you mind. You come sit at the table and I’ll get everything set up. I’ll put on some lavender tea for afterwards.”
Sitting at table in the kitchen, Kathan watched as Ms. Maven floated up to the highest shelf and took down a small wooden box and placed it in front of Kathan.
Nodding in thanks, Kathan reached into her dress for a fountain tip pen. She opened the box and clipped it inside so that it stood upright. The holder had hinges on either side of it, so that fountain pen could move back and forth.
Next, Kathan placed a pile of paper in a spot at the bottom of the box. There were hinges and pullies there that could pull in pages and push them out. Ms. Maven had designed the box herself and, without it, Kathan could not work her magic.
“Okay, Sophie, are you ready?”
“Yes, Mama!”
Standing, Kathan removed her shawl. Sophie drew in a breath when she saw what waited underneath: everywhere on Kathan’s skin, there were words written in ink. They looped and curved and tilted along her skin, so many words that you couldn’t read them.
“Watch, Sophie.”
Sophie nodded and Kathan placed her hands on the fountain pen. It began to move at once and Sophie watched as words began to fill the pages. As the pages kept filling with more words, so did the words that were on Kathan’s skin disappear. It was as if they were being pulled from her body.
When it was done, and the last page was filled, Kathan looked at her daughter. “Do you understand, dear one?”
“You’re the ink, Mama!”
“Yes, poppet, that’s very good!” She and Ms. Maven looked on happily.
“But why Mama? Why do this? You have thousands of pages of people’s stories.” She looked confused. “Why?”
Kathan took Sophie’s hands in hers. “Because poppet, we must always remember. The land needs stories just as if needs water and sunshine. If we forget where we’ve come from, we cease to be. Only with stories do we remember. Through our stories, we live on inside of the hearts of others. I’m a storyteller. It’s what we do. You will do this, too, one day.”
“But who will read this story, Mama?” Sophie asked. “Who will read your story?”
“I have a feeling there is someone reading this story right now. And they will remember me.”
Or so the story goes…
The Key Within – A Poem
A new year
is beginning,
its pathway stretching
out before me
like a yellow brick road.
I wonder what
the year will bring
and I contemplate
what will come.
I decide to meditate
on the year ahead
and when I
close my eyes,
I can see clouds
filled with light.
Reaching out,
I pluck one
of the clouds
and hold it
close to my face.
The scent of cinnamon
and oranges, lemons
and juniper blossoms
fills the air
and the cloud
is pulsing softly
with a soft glow,
as if the cloud
holds a small heart.
Inside the cloud,
there is a small clockwork boy
made out of metal.
A key should be there,
sticking from his back,
but it is missing.
I put the metal boy
back inside the cloud
and I begin to look for the key.
I look into more clouds,
each filled with something different:
a silver chain with a pendant shaped like a star,
a small music box that plays a tune I didn’t know,
a post card, but I can’t see where it’s from.
I open my eyes
and find a woman
sitting next to me.
She offers me a serene smile.
“You won’t find what you’re looking for.”
She says softly.
Smiling, she holds
out a hand.
I watch as
a cloud forms
in her palm,
pulsing as if filled by light.
“Think of these clouds as wishes. They show what might be.”
I thought about what she said.
“But then if they are not what is coming, what are they?”
She laid a hand
on one of mine.
“They are wishes, hopes and dreams. It does not do to spend time wondering what will happen. You simply have to live.”
I nodded, feeling
a light grow around me.
“Where is the key for the boy?”
I asked gently.
“Why don’t you know?”
She said.
“It is inside of you. You already process the key. What you do with it is up to you.”
Reaching out,
she touched my chest.
At her touch,
I watched as a the
outline of a key
filled my chest.
Though I knew it was impossible,
I could feel it there,
beating like a heart
inside of me.
“The key is a gift.”
She said, smiling.
“Use it to open what you will, but make sure that it unlocks brings you joy.”
I nodded, taking heed
of her words.
My sight began
to fill with soft, pulsing light,
so much so
that the woman was gone,
enveloped in a cocoon
of sublime brightness.
When I opened my eyes,
I was holding a key
in the palm of my hand.
Free Reads for the Holidays!
Happy Holidays!
If there is one thing I love about the Holidays, it’s the chance to sit down with a cup of tea and read the new books that I (hopefully!) get each year.
I thought it would be fun to give you all something to read this Holiday season! So, I’ve made all of my Holiday novellas free for the Holidays!
Here’s a bit about each of them:
The Magic Man
In the town of Inglewood Hamlet, there is a boy named Gustav who can create actual magic. He wanders the village, selling his wears. All he asks for in return are acts of kindness.
On the eve of Yuletide, with nowhere to go, he hides from the cold in an alley. He is alone but for the spirit of his Mama to keep him company.
He is saved by Liam, a man who recognizes Gustav because of the magic he has left behind…
You can read that story here:
https://jamiesonwolf.com/2017/12/23/the-magic-man-a-short-story/
Love and Two Keys
Xander is an outcast at school.
He is often the victim of mockery and bullying. The other kids know that he is not like them, that there is something different about him. Instead of interacting with others, he sits inside and reads his books during his lunch period. While he reads, he is truly alive.
Remy is his only friend in the whole school. There is something different about her, too; but unlike Xander, Remy is out and proud and unafraid. She tells Xander there is no shame in being gay, that being yourself can set you free. Xander is unsure of what to do.
Then two things happen at once. Xander meets a boy named Alex and, when he does, the two keys he wears around his neck start to glow. Soon, Xander is faced with a choice: accept who he is and the chance at love? Or turn away from it all.
Thankfully, it’s Christmas and magic can make anything possible…
You can download Love and Two Keys for free here:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/768071
The Greatest Gift
Lincon is living inside of himself.
Having lost his partner Xander three years ago, on December 24th, he is a shell of his former self. His only comfort can be found in a circle of stone where he can hear Xander’s voice. His friend, Dava, tries to get him to engage with life again, telling him that Xander would have wanted him to be happy.
Lincon is content to live out the rest of his life by not living. What he needs is a miracle. That miracle comes in the form of an angel. Those we have loved are closer to us then we could even dream. Having watched his lover drift further inside himself, Xander knows he must do something, but what can he do?
Gabriel is the one that tells him to find someone for Lincon, someone who shines bright. If Xander should find someone, how does he make sure they meet?
Thankfully, miracles do happen at Christmas…
You can download this for free right now!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/687873
The Magic of Stars
Oscar doesn’t believe in magic.
Though he lives in Inglewood Hamlet where magic is an everyday occurrence and his grandmother is the village miracle woman. Oscar still doesn’t believe in magic. Scientific facts are things that are proven, whereas magic has no quantifiable proof.
His whole world changes when one night, at his grandmothers urging, he wishes upon a falling star. “I wish I believed in magic…”
The next day, he meets a girl in the village named Laura. She seems unlike anyone he has ever met before. Even the snow seems to sparkle more around her. Though they have never met before, she seems to know him.
Little does Oscar know that Laura will change his life forever. Sometimes wishes do come true. It is Yuletide after all…
You can download this book for free right now!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/691736
Cleo and the Cats
Shortly before Christmas, Cleo is visited by a cat; it watches her as she sleeps from her bedroom window.
Cleo has the strange sense that the cat is watching her; more that it understands her when she speaks.
Soon, there is not one cat watching her but three.
To learn the secret of the cats, Cleo will have to learn there is still magic in the world.
Download this book for free right now!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/20921
There’s something here for everyone.I hope that all of you and yours have the most wonderful of Holidays. Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Joyous Festivus. Whatever you celebrate, I hope you’re surrounded by the ones you love.
Jamieson
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 