Number-one bestselling author

You may have already noticed a change around here.
I’ve got a new web site! It was created by Cait Gordon of Dynamic Canvass https://dynamiccanvas.ca/ Isn’t it gorgeous?!
So, why the new look? Well, I wanted something a bit more uplifting and a lot more happy. My old web site was rather drab and very limited. There wasn’t a lot that I could so with it. Added to that, there was no way to combine the blog as part of the web site.
I wasn’t sure what Cait would do, but the result is gorgeous. She pulled colours from my newest release, Lust and Lemonade. It also reflects the joy that I tried to infuse into the book and the joy that I wanted people to leave with when they finished the book.
Cait was wonderful to work with and she truly is a web Goddess. She turned my blog into a web site and now my little home on the web is actually somewhere I want to visit! She made the whole process so easy and has given me a site that is easy to use and to update myself, something that is intuitive to all that I do and I am so thrilled with it.
Thank you Cait and Dynamic Canvass. You are truly awesome!

I’m walking along my path.
It is made of white sandstone
and as the sun moves over its surface,
there is an answering shine from the sand,
as if the sun has passed over
flecks of sand that are made of diamonds.
I can see gemstones scattered
along my path as it heads towards the sun:
amethyst, sapphire, ruby,
garnet, citrine, aventurine,
tigers eye, rose quartz,
topaz, diamond, aquamarine,
lapis lazuli, black onyx.
The gemstones look as if they
are randomly placed along the sandstone,
but I know each holds a memory,
a moment caught in time.
As I walk along the path,
I reach down to touch one,
an carnelian that appears to contain
something wider than the highest mountain.
At my touch, a window appears
in the sky before me.
I can see myself as I was
when I was young.
I am with another boy and together,
we share a kiss.
My first kiss with another boy.
I walk on and touch another stone,
a moonstone that sparkles with its own light.
When the window appears,
I can see myself as I found my Spirit.
I am browsing the books in an occult shop
and it is like I found my home.
I walk on and look down at the gemstones,
at the sea of memories that they contain,
the emotions held within.
I bend down and touch a turquoise stone
and I can recall the memory as it plays
in front of my eyes.
I am older and I am lost within myself,
trying to find my way out
of the labyrinth within.
A blue agate is blinking merrily at me,
shining bright because of the sun.
I tap it gently and the window appears
and I can see myself as I learned
to walk once more.
I see a stone further on,
an obsidian stone that thrums with energy.
I touch it and I can see myself
at the very moment when I chose to live,
when I chose to fight and to celebrate
the life that I was given.
Towards the middle of the pathway
that holds pieces of my life,
its joys and sorrows,
I see a trio of stones together,
a rose quartz, an amethyst and a garnet.
When I touch one stone,
they all light up and I can see three windows,
all at once.
I see Michael when he told me
that he loved me.
I see Michael when he asked me to marry him.
And I see Michael when we said our vows.
I am filled with such joy
when I look back at the pathway of my life,
for everything that I’ve learned,
all that I’ve experienced.
When the windows fade,
I notice that the pathway continues,
that it goes on farther than I can see.
The sandstone is empty of stones.
I realize that its yet to be filled with memories
held within gemstones.
Seeing that pathway,
curving into the future and empty of stones,
gives me hope for what is to come
and the memories
that I have yet to create.
I’ve been trying for a long time to find the words.
It’s not enough to say I’m merely grateful for you,
not nearly enough.
You not only make my life better,
you make me a better man.
When we first met,
my life was one of unease and fear,
and I regarded everything,
everyone,
as if I were a deer in the headlights.
Even though you saw that in me,
you still took my hand,
held me close,
and told me you loved me.
I’ve been looking for the words high and low,
but they have been evading me.
I have looked into the skies,
the trees,
and upon the ground I walk on,
but they aren’t there.
I want you to know how much you mean to me,
how much you’ve changed my life,
made it into a dream that’s reality,
created a new chapter for me,
when I thought all of the pages were filled.
I look into the clouds to see,
if by chance,
they have written the words I want to say to you.
All I see are white wisps filled with wishes waiting to be made,
but I don’t see the words I want to say to you.
You’ve rewritten my life and given me the world,
but more than that,
you’ve given me your heart and the magic it holds within,
a gift beyond anything I have ever received.
I look down to the ground again and there,
hiding in the grass,
is a pen.
I pick it up and feel a thrum running through it and it occurs to me:
I don’t have to look for the words,
because they are inside me.
They’ve been inside me the whole time.
So, here I sit,
the world moving around me as I try to make the world slow down,
as I try to capture the sun and put it on the page.
You are the sun to me that brightens my day,
you are the wind that moves me to do better,
you are the sky to me,
filled with limitless possibilities,
and you are the ground to me,
solid,
firm and supportive,
keeping me from falling.
You are everything great to me,
you embody and are everything beautiful,
and I am so very grateful for you.
Every time I look into the mirror,
I see my faults and imperfections:
lazy eye,
missing teeth,
the belly that won’t disappear no matter how much exercise I do.
Thinning hair,
the scars on my body.
And even though they aren’t visible,
I see the two beings which reside inside of me:
Cedric Paulsen and Max Shadow.
Sometimes,
it is like they are a slow steady throb within my body,
emanating from my skin in a harsh black light.
But then I close my eyes,
and within the darkness I can truly see.
I see the kindness that shines its own light to scatter the blackness.
In the darkness,
I can see that light growing and changing,
like the ebb and flow of water.
I am more than my imperfections,
more than just a gap tooth,
a lazy eye,
or the disease and disability that run through my body.
I am a being of light,
bright and beautiful.
Within me,
I carry the breath of the universe.
I carry love,
perhaps the most powerful of magics.
Within me,
I carry a voice that often laughs out loud as if in song,
I carry courage and bravery,
and with my imagination,
I am the creator of worlds.
Within me,
I carry the impossible dream that finds life in the possible.
I open my eyes and look into the mirror again,
and see myself as I am.
Even now,
when I look at you,
I can hear the leaves.
It is not the clatter of leaves
after a heavy rain,
laden down with moisture.
Instead, it is the rustle
and whisper of leaves
dancing in air that is
thick with heat.
When you took my hand
as we said our vows,
I could hear them
falling all around us.
As we danced,
I could hear them
sliding along the floor
as we moved in time
to the beat of our hearts.
I looked for them,
but could not see them.
When you hold me,
I can hear them
swirling around us,
encircling us as if dancing.
Even now,
all these years later,
you still fill me
with beautiful light
that has only grown brighter.
When you tell me that
you love me,
and we share a kiss,
I can hear them
riffling through the air with joy.
When the kiss ends,
I turn to look out at the sun.
I can see the leaves filling the sky,
flying up into the air,
carrying our love
into the clouds.