Number-one bestselling author
Posted on July 24, 2014 by Jamieson Wolf
Everything dies in the end. Even words. Poppy knew this better than anyone. She saw dead words every day. She was their mistress.
Even when she was sleeping, she would hear the words. Words that would never reach their intended, never be read. As she read the words, she mourned them. She tried to pace herself, one letter a day, one dead letter that got lost along the way.
Anything more than one letter and she would lose herself in the words, in the ink that stained her fingers. The ink tasted of dreams. She would open the letters, unsure of what was to come. Was it a letter, a bill for some unknown object? A postcard promising redemption?
Today, she wondered what she would find. She was supposed to dispose of them, that was her job. But she saved one each day instead. If she saved at least one dead letter a day, the words would find some way to live on. She pictured them living inside of her, thriving.
She entered the dead letter room, the light dim and glowing. She could hear the letters whispering to her when she entered. The whispering was like a music to her and Poppy wondered, not for the first time, if she was the only one who could hear it.
She turned up the lights so that it was brighter, more vibrant. Dead things should always have more light, not darkness and shadows. Darkness was for nightmares and things best left forgotten. Dead words, dead letters, needed light, not darkness, to be remembered.
Poppy looked at the letters waiting to be destroyed, waiting to have their life taken from them. She wondered which one to save. Today, the letter chose her. She reached out to pluck one out of the pile with her eyes closed. She liked to leave things to chance.
She was about to pull a letter out of the pile and heard a loud slap. One letter had fallen from the pile to land on the concrete floor. Opening her eyes, she saw that the envelope was newer; the envelope didn’t have many creases or marks on it. She bent to pick it up.
The envelope was heavy with words. She looked at the address. It read: To Cissy DeMile, The City of Abraham. There was no return address. Poppy held the envelope in her hands, ran her fingers over the words printed on the front. Who sent this to Cissy? Would the words live?
She turned the envelope over and opened it slowly. She liked to draw out the suspense, liked to draw out the revealing. It soothed her. She flicked back the flap and drew out a single printed page. Studying the paper, she saw a series of dark scratches of pen and ink.
The note was written on what looked to be an old invoice. The invoice was dated 1999 and it was from a Chinese food restaurant. The paper smelled of old grease and it was crumpled, as if someone had shoved the bill in their pocket. She turned the note over and began to read.
What she read chilled her. The words were written in fast block letters, as if it had been written quickly. As if time were scarce.The note said:
I AM INNOCENT. I DID NOT DO WHAT THEY SAID I DID. LET CISSY KNOW THAT. LET HER KNOW THAT I LOVE HER. I AM ABOUT TO DIE. THEY HAVE MOVED ME TO DEATH ROW. MY TIME IS ALMOST AT AN END. LET CISSY KNOW I LOVE HER AND THAT I AM INNOCENT. WHO EVER FINDS THIS. LET HER KNOW. WHO EVER FINDS THIS, PLEASE LET HER KNOW. CONTACT MY LAWYER AND TRY TO END THIS BEFORE THEY END ME. CECIL
The note scared her. Poppy had never read anything like it. Though the words were few, they frightened her. There was truth in them. There was pain in the words; desperation. They were dead words from a soon to be dead man. Poppy closed her eyes to calm her breathing.
Normally, words would move her. Never before had they frightened her. The truth is always frightening, she thought. The truth sees. Before she had a chance to think about what she was doing, she flicked on her computer and pulled up the white pages online.
She typed in the words “Cissy DeMile, City of Abraham” and pressed enter. She fully expected to get no hits on the name. She expected it. What she didn’t expect was to get a hit, just one hit. It read: CISSY DEMILE, 666 ELYSIAN WAY, CITY OF ABRAHAM, 333-3330. Poppy shivered.
She knew that she should just close the screen, pick another letter and start over, forget Cissy and her father. But she couldn’t. The truth in the words held her, pulled her in. Instead, she hit print and stared at the words in blank ink on the page.
The words, a woman’s name and address, seemed so threatening yet so innocent. She ran her fingers over the words, words no longer dead. Poppy was unable to concentrate. Work sped by in a blur. She kept seeing the woman’s name everywhere she looked. A name full of promise.
When she got home, she pulled off her shoes and grabbed a beer from her fridge. Her cat, mewed at her for attention. Poppy sighed. She knew that she would be unable to concentrate until she called Cissy. Until she passed on the dead words. She sighed again, tired.
How did you contact a stranger you didn’t know? She took the paper out of her pocket and looked at the number. Numbers had power too. Dialing the number, she held her breath. She hoped no one would answer so she could get on with her evening. It was not to be.
A woman answered with a soft voice. “Hello?” Her voice was like velvet. Poppy wondered how to continue. She was silent for a moment.
Poppy cleared her throat, tried to think of words to say. Words should be respected, chosen with care. Instead, she blurted them out. “Ms DeMille?” Her voice sounded shy, hesitant. “You don’t know me but I received a letter from your father.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone and for a moment, Poppy didn’t think Cissy had heard her. She spoke again: “Ms DeMille?”
Her words were stopped mid sentence. “I heard you.” Cissy said roughly. “I heard you loud and clear.” She sounded angry, upset. “You have five seconds to tell me who you are and why you’re calling me.” Cissy said. Poppy heard something that sounded like crying.
Even though she didn’t know her, Poppys heart went out to Cissy. “Ms. DeMille? I know that I have no business calling you, I know that-”
“Then why are you calling me?” Cissy sobbed openly now. “You have no right to call me about…my father.”
Poppy felt her heart break a little. A break that could not be healed with words. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Maybe if we could meet?” She knew that she was being foward, but Poppy felt this was important. She could feel it. “Maybe for coffee or something?” Poppy held her breath, waited.
“Coffee would be fine.” Cissy said eventually. “Meet me at Calebs Coffee at 3pm. Is that all right?”
Poppy nodded even though Cissy could not see her. “Yes, that’s fine. How will I know who you are?”
“I’ll find you.” Cissy said. She hung up leaving Poppy listening to silence. Shaking, she hung up the phone trying to calm herself.
She wondered why this was so important. She just knew it was. Words and numbers had power, she thought. Even dead words have power. Knowing that she couldn’t concentrate on work, Poppy grabbed her coat and headed into the sunshine. It was cold and the wind whispered.
She walked across the street towards the park, the sunshine inviting her to daydream. Poppy listened to the music of the cars rushing by. She was blinded momentarily by the sun. She turned her head away and blinked. When she opened her eyes, a man was standing before her. He hadn’t been there before. Poppy was sure of that. But people don’t appear out of thin air, do they?
“Sorry” she said. “I didn’t see you.” She held a hand to her beating heart. “You startled me.” She looked at his face, saw ice blue eyes.
The man smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “You see more than you think.” His voice was deep and rumbled out of him.
Poppy feared this man. There was something in his eyes that said he had seen things she hadn’t. She moved back a step, wanting to keep space between them. He had dark hair and scruff on his chin. He was still smiling at her.
“Is there something you want?” Poppy asked. She wanted to be away from him. She wanted to think of what she would say to Cissy.
The man shook his head. “I only wanted to speak to you.” His voice was deep and it rumbled. “I wanted to warn you.” He smiled again.
Poppy was even more afraid. Her heart beat quickly inside of her chest and she wondered if he could hear it. “Warn me? Against what?”
“Ignore the letter.” the man said. “Do not get involved. You will put yourself at risk.” He pointed to her purse where the letter hid. “Burn the letter, dispose of it. Do not get involved. You seem nicer than the rest, then the others.” Each word came out like a slap in the face. Poppy took a further step back.
Poppy could barely speak, fear closing her throat. “Who are you?” She shielded her eyes from the sun which had grown brighter.
The man smiled again, the smile not reaching his eyes. “I am no one to be trifled with.” he said. Then, slowly, he bowed to her.
Poppy blinked, the sun blinding her. When she opened her eyes, he was gone. She felt a chill fill her skin and her heart beat quickly. She wondered, vaguely, whether words could cause harm. She wondered if the words she read could bring about the end of her own story.
Not wanting to be late, Poppy headed to Caleb’s Coffee to meet Cissy. She shook off the feeling of doom that covered her from head to toe. While she walked, she looked over her shoulder, wanting to make sure she wasn’t followed. The man had filled her with subtle unease.
“Ignore the letter…” she said this out loud if only to reassure herself that she hadn’t imagined the whole thing. What did that mean? She had little time to ponder this. When Caleb’s came into view, she saw a woman with blond hair standing by the entrance.
As Poppy approached, the nervousness increased. The woman turned and faced her. “Poppy?” she said. “Poppy Stone?”
Poppy nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Cissy. I wish we could meet under more normal circumstances.”
Cissy laughed, her dark eyes flashing wildly in the sunlight like sapphires. “There is nothing normal about this. Nothing normal at all.” She rummaged in her purse. “Do you mind if I have a smoke?” Not waiting for an answer she lit a cigarette breathed deeply.
Poppy nodded, though it was not required. “I’m sorry about this. I shouldn’t have called you, I shouldn’t have-”
Cissy barked out a laugh. “No, what you should do is tell me how you got a letter from my dead father.”
Taking a deep breath, Poppy let it out. “I work in a dead letter room. Where unfound mail goes to die if no one claims it or it doesn’t reach the intended address.”
There was a sharp look in Cissy’s eyes. “Do you routinely open the letters?”
“We have to determine that there’s nothing of value in them. It’s procedure.”
“And do you normally contact the people who the letters were sent to?”
“If there’s an address, yes. Sometimes they have moved or can’t be found. Yours was odd though. There was no address.”
“So you looked me up on the web.” Cissy smiled. “Resourceful. I can respect that.”
Their waiter came and they both ordered tea. Poppy excused herself to go to the washroom. There was something odd about Cissy, something Poppy couldn’t put her finger on. She seemed unnecessarily angry, not quite the grieving daughter she had on the phone.
Slipping into the washroom, Poppy stood at the sink and rinsed her face with cold water. When she looked up at her face in the mirror, she stifled a scream. The man from earlier was standing behind her.
“How did you get in here?” Poppy said. “This is a woman’s washroom!”
“It’s too late for you, she has your scent now. She won’t let you go. She’s been quiet for so long, but people like her are always hungry for more.”
“What are you talking about?” Poppy whispered.
“My daughter.” He replied. “I’m talking about my daughter. ”
“The one you wrote the letter to? Cissy?”
He gave her a sad look, his eyes drooping for a moment before snapping back to look at he again. “I did not write that letter.”
“But you did, I’ve got it here-” She rummaged in her purse but he stopped her by speaking again.
“It doesn’t matter. They all look the same. That’s how she gets them, people like you, drawn to the mystery of it all. They always find a person willing to die. They always find her next victim.”
The words sent a shiver running down her spine and she looked at him in the mirror. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you’re almost out of time. She’ll come looking for you in a moment. Take the letter and get out of here. Destroy it, get rid of it, otherwise, she’ll find you.”
“How can she find me with a letter?”
“It’s not written with ink. It’s written in blood. She can smell it’s scent.”
Poppy pulled it out of her purse. She removed the envelope and examined the letters again. She saw they were a dark red instead of the black ink she had taken it to be. Shivering, Poppy looked back at the man in the mirror. “Can I destroy it here? Will she know?”
He nodded. “But she will not be able to find you.”
He took a lighter out of his pocket and held it out to her. Poppy turned but saw there was no one behind her. Turning back to the mirror, she saw that he still held out the lighter with its flame flickering brightly.
“What are you?” Poppy whispered.
“I am already dead. I was her first. She wrote the first batch of letters with my blood.” He looked behind him at the bathroom door. “Hurry now, you’re running out of time.”
“Why are you helping me?”
“Because you see more than you think you do. People like you are rare. Hold the letter up to the mirror, quickly now. Take your hands away as soon as it touches the glass.”
Poppy did as she was told. She touched the paper to mirror and took her hands away quickly as a flame licked across the paper. Soon, the paper was gone, but she could still see the words shining brightly on the mirror.
“Now run. Don’t look back and run.”
She didn’t need to be told twice As she ran out of the coffee shop, the screaming started. Poppy looked into the restaurant and saw Cissy, screaming with her skin on fire, burning as the letter had done.
Poppy ran out of Caleb’s Coffee, the sounds of Cissy’s screams and the sight of her burning skin following close behind her.
As she ran, she decided that she would call in sick tomorrow. She’d had enough of dead words and dead letters to last a lifetime.
Posted on July 22, 2014 by Jamieson Wolf
getting my coffee
this morning, I
noticed the barista
was wearing a
locket. Looking closer,
I read the
word “Slytherin” in
a flowing script.
Underneath, the serpent
that represented the
house was curled,
as if lying
in wait. I
pointed to it.
“Where did you get that?”
She looked at
me with shrewd
eyes as if
taking stock of
my worth. She
nodded, assessing me
as one who
was completely worthy.
“I got it at Comicon, but I’m sure there is an Etsy shop.”
I held up
my right wrist
and showed her
the scar that
was tattooed there.
She reached out
to touch it.
“Is it a real tattoo?”
I nodded, smiling.
Like recognizes like.
“What house are you in? Did you get sorted on Pottermore?”
I nodded, smiling.
“I was one of the first million people allowed to access the site.”
“So what house?”
“I got sorted into Ravenclaw, but I think I belong in Gryffindor.”
“Oh, no, you have to trust the Sorting Hat. It knows.”
“But I have the scar…”
She gave it
another hungry look.
“That’s a symbol for the whole series. It’s Harry’s story, right? But if the Sorting Hat and JK Rowling put you in Ravenclaw, that’s where you belong.”
I must have
looked put out
so she sang:
“Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you’ve a ready mind, where those of wit and learning, will always find their kind.”
I recognized the
song. It’s what
the Sorting Hat
first sung when
Harry was sorted.
She looked at
me with a
strong, searching look.
“Are you wise? Do you crave knowledge? Are you drawn to air? That’s the element associated with Ravenclaw, you know.”
Something occurred to
me and I
pointed to the
necklace she wore.
“Were you sorted into Slytherin?”
I asked her.
She nodded, a
spark lighting up
her eyes. They
looked as if
they were filled
with glitter magic.
“Yes, I was. I wasn’t happy about it at first, I wanted Gryffindor, everyone does. But we’re all parts of the same house, you know. However, it’s our differences that make us strong.”
I wasn’t sure
if she was
referring to Harry
Potter, or something
deeper than that.
I took my
coffee and bade
her a nice
day. She put
her hand out,
catching my wrist.
“Trust in the Sorting Hat. It knows where you belong. We all have to belong somewhere.”
I nodded and
made my way
to work. I
looked online for
a Ravenclaw necklace.
My acceptance of
my house within
the world of
Harry Potter was
a small thing,
but at the
thought of stretching
my wings like
an eagle, and
soaring into the
air, my heart
soared with it
and I knew
where I belonged.
Posted on July 20, 2014 by Jamieson Wolf
morning with words
etched into my
skin. I tried to
read them in
mirror, but the
writing was backwards.
My friends noticed
the words and
asked why I
had tattooed myself
with just a
fraction of a
sentence. I woke
the next morning
to find the
words had doubled
on my skin,
snaking down the
inside of my
arm. I went
to the doctors
and they asked
why I had
marked myself with
words. They didn’t
understand when I
told them the
words had just
appeared there on
their own. They
sent me home
with a mild
sedative. When I
woke on the
third morning, I
found that both
my arms were
now covered in
looping black words.
I tried to
read them, attempted
to make sense
of what they
said, but I
could not see
all of the
words. Looking in
the mirror, I
saw they had
started to appear
along the back
of my neck.
My mother was
the one who
explained it to
me. She read
the words, running
her fingers along
some of them,
turning my arms
in order to
read others. She
looked at me.
“Don’t you recognize this?”
I shook my head
no. I shrugged.
“I haven’t been able to see all of them to read them. What does it say?”
“You should know. You wrote them.”
I was shocked.
“What do you mean?”
She pointed to
the words that
ran along the
inside of my
arm, then ran
her fingers along.
“As the cards flew from my grasp, I knew I had made the right decision. I was the Broken Man no longer.”
She paused for
breath, and to
point to another
set of words.
“And this here? These say: I had let a piece of my past go and looked forward to what the future would bring.”
I shook my head,
not knowing what
to say. My
mother took my
hands and held
them in hers.
“Your life is a living poem. A wonderful, exciting, awesome living poem.”
I wondered at
her words, at
what they meant.
What the words
on my skin
meant. She could
see my confusion.
“You put so much of yourself in your words, it is only natural that they will mark you even as you mark the page. Do not be afraid of them.”
“How do I get the words out of my skin?”
She looked at
me with a
half smile and
that wise look
she got in
her eyes, deep
and somehow comforting.
“Write. More words will come and you will always be marked by them, but you are a living poem. It has always been this way.”
I nodded and
pulled a piece
of paper towards
me. I put my
hand down on
the paper and
watched as the words
on my skin
began to slip
and slide off
of it. I
looked at the
page to see
what they had
to say.
Posted on July 17, 2014 by Jamieson Wolf
back from the
coffee shop, drinks
in hand, when
I saw him.
I gestured to
her and made
sure she had
seen. I pointed
to him, saying
That’s my ex-husband.
It was the
first time I had
seen him in
six years. Later,
I wondered at
his appearance.
He was but
the latest in
a long line
of people from
my past that
I had seen
recently. I had
come across people
I used to know,
ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, ex-lovers.
I was wondering
at my lack
of a reaction,
at the absence
of anger that
I felt, that
had carried with
me for so
long. I had
worn my his
betrayal as if
it were a
hair shirt, or
a stone around
my neck. Instead
of reacting in
anger, I felt
oddly buoyant and
light. I walked
over to her
and asked her:
Why aren’t I reacting more? If this were last year, seeing him would have depressed me for the day. I’ve seen all these people from my past and they aren’t affecting me as I thought they would if I ever saw them again.
I paused for
breath and for
what I really
wanted to ask.
What gives?
She looked at
me with that
sage look in
her eyes that
she had and
smiled at me.
You were ready.
She said simply.
You’re a lot better now then you were. You’ve healed. You’re a different person now. You’re on the right path and you’re going where you need to. You wouldn’t be seeing them otherwise.
I nodded and
thought of all
the emotions that
these people had
caused me, all
the hurt, depression,
sadness, angst, rage,
despair and malaise.
I realised that
what I was
feeling right then
and there was
simple, unequivocal happiness.
I let go
of the pain,
of the heartache,
of the self-degradation,
and stopped judging
myself by how
other people from
my past had
seen me. All
that there was
now is me
as I chose
to be and
the emotion of
happiness. I choose
to be happy.
All the rest
is just stardust
and the possibilities
of the future.
Posted on July 17, 2014 by Jamieson Wolf
a doorway. It
was tall and
narrow and was
made from old
wood painted red
that had faded
over time in
the sun. The
doorway was unremarkable
except for two
reasons: It stood
in the middle
of a parking
lot and from
the open door
there came the
sound of laughter.
A boy came
out and looked
at me. He wore
round glasses and
had a dark brown
mop of hair.
He smiled, the
smile filled with
gaps. He let out
another loud laugh.
“Do you want to come see the garden?”
I looked around to
see if the
boys parents were
around, but there was
no one. He
laughed loudly again.
“Don’t be afraid. You’ll be okay.”
“Where are your parents?”
I asked him.
Surely, he wasn’t
alone. He grinned.
“They’re close. They’re your parents! Come on!”
Beckoning with one
hand, he raced
away from the
doorway. He stood,
looking at me,
a smile still
playing upon his
lips. He was standing
in what looked
to be a large
meadow surrounded by
trees. I went
around to the
back of the
doorway, but there
was nothing. Only
a brick wall
and some grease
stains. I went
back around to
the front and
looked inside again.
The boy still
stood there, looking
at me with
twinkling, bright eyes.
“Come on! There’s nothing to be afraid of!”
I nodded, not
trusting myself to
speak. Stepping over
the threshold of
the door, there
was a loud rushing
sound and my
ears popped from
sudden pressure. Then
I was through,
and my ears
cleared. The boy
reached for my
hand. When our
fingers touched, a
wind began to
dance in the
grass and flew
upwards. I looked
at the boy.
“What was that?”
He took his
time before he
answered my question.
“The meadow remembers you. Come on, the garden isn’t that far.”
He pulled me
along and within
moments, we were
at the entrance
of a small
garden. There were
orchids and roses,
petunias and chrysanthemums,
tiger lilies and
ivy. There were
flowers of every
kind, but they
were all relatively
small, as if
they had just
started to grow.
I looked beyond
the small garden
and saw another
one behind it.
I pointed with
a shaking hand.
“What’s over there? What’s that garden?”
The boys face
darkened. He looked
sad all of
a sudden, as
if the other
garden held nightmares.
“That’s the dead garden. Nothing grows there anymore.”
He could see
from my face
that I wanted
to explore it.
So he led
the way, keeping
hold of my
hand. As we
walked, a question
occurred to me.
“If this garden is dead, how did the new one grow?”
The boy laughed
again and the
breeze responded in
kind, laughing among
the grass. The
boy looked at
me with strangely
serious, mature eyes.
“Do you really not know?”
I shook my
head, but an
answer came to
me moments before
he said it.
“They come from imagination. From ideas. All you have to do is think of it and the ideas will grow.”
He led on
until we came
to the dead
garden. It’s plants
were all dead
and none that
I could name.
It was filled
with spiky plants
that looked as
if they were
ready to draw
blood should we
touch one. I
looked at the
boy, trying to
find my voice.
“Did ideas grow this garden too?”
He nodded, a
tear sliding down
his cheek. He
made no effort
to wipe it
off his face.
“Yours. It was your ideas and imagination that caused both gardens to grow.”
I was shaken
but his words
had the ring
of truth to
them. I asked
the first thing
that came to
mind, letting the
words spill out.
“How could I grow this?”
“You were unhappy. The thoughts that you have hold power. What’s inside your mind takes root in the real world.”
“Then why does the other garden exist?”
The boy let
out a hearty
laugh and squeezed
my hand tightly.
“Because your better now. We’re better.”
I looked back
at the healthy
garden, so full
of life. Then
I looked at
the dead garden.
“I want you to help me to do something. Will you?”
“Of course.”
“If imagination caused this garden, maybe new thoughts, new ideas, will make it better again.”
I was pretty
sure I knew
who the boy
was, what he
was. He nodded
and took both
my hands. I
took a deep
breath and imagined
life growing around
us, coming out
of the dark
soil. There was
nothing at first,
but then we
both heard the ground
around us begin
to crack and
rumble. It shook
for a moment
and then grass
shot out of
the ground where
before there was
only black, burnt
earth. Trees shot
up out of
the ground, their
leaves green and
whole. Flowers slid
out of the ground
with small pops,
hundreds of them,
thousands of them.
Gone was the
black earth and
the plants that
looked as if
they would draw
blood. In the
trees, I could
hear birdsong. I
looked down at
the boy, smiling.
“We did it!”
I couldn’t help
letting out a
loud, joyful laugh.
He nodded, smiling
“You did it. You did all of this.”
I looked at
him, really looked
at him closely.
“You’re me, aren’t you? My inner child? You look exactly as I did when I was younger. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”
He nodded again.
“Because you couldn’t.”
“Then where are we? Where is this place?”
He gave me
a big grin.
“Would you believe me if I said we’re inside your mind?”
I didn’t need
to think of
a proper response.
“Yes. I would. It’s the only thing that makes sense. But how do I get out?”
“The way you came. Remember, what you imagine is given life and anything is possible.”
I turned to
walk back through
the doorway. The
boy didn’t move.
“Aren’t you coming with me?”
I asked him.
“No, I think I’ll stay here for a while longer. Now that you’ve found me again, I won’t ever be far away. Never forget me, Okay?”
“I won’t. I promise.”
I turned towards
the doorway, the
trees and plants
swaying in a
soft breeze. As
I stepped back
through the doorway,
I looked back
through the door.
There was my
inner child, playing
amongst the trees
and flowers, with
joy written on
his face and
laughter in his
heart. I closed
the door, knowing
he’d be safe
now and began
to make my
way home again.

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Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
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