Miss/Not/Love – A Poem

I miss my mom and dad.

I miss my friends and

other members of my heart family.

I miss seeing everyone

without the benefit of a computer

or telephone screen between us.

I miss being able to swim

and the act of losing myself within

the flow of the water.

I miss the physical touch

from the people I love.

I miss being able to hug someone

in a moment of joy.

I miss being able to shop,

not for the items that I would buy

but because it prolonged

the social aspect of shopping.

I miss taking the bus

for the time it gave me to read

and having the story

take me away from the world around me.

I miss physically working with others

and seeing coworkers every day

and being a part of each others lives.

I miss eating out at a restaurant

and listening to the music made

by other voices deep in conversation.

I miss my life as it used to be.

/

I miss not feeling a moment of panic

every time I see someone else

that I don’t know.

I miss not checking the space

between us to make sure

that they are far enough away.

I miss not being aware

of what six feet of space looks like.

I miss not being able

to go where I wanted

without a care of where I was.

I miss not having to count to twenty

every time I wash my hands.

I miss not looking for hand sanitizer

every time I come home.

I miss not waking up with anxiety

and feeling it flutter in my chest.

I miss not having to keep my distance

from my friends and family.

I miss not worrying about

being too close to someone.

I miss not having to take sleeping pills

so that I can actually sleep

instead of lying there until midnight.

I miss not being afraid at

what our world has become.

I miss not watching the news

every day at eleven am and what

the prime minister would say today.

I miss not practicing social distancing

and worrying at every cough or sniffle,

wondering whether or not it was

the start of something worse.

/

What I love is the creative way

that people are managing to stay close,

even though they are far apart.

What I love is the way that

people are finding ways to stay in touch,

reaching out to everyone they know,

even those they haven’t spoken to

in a long time.

What I love are the ways people are

showing kindness to others,

even people that they don’t know.

What I love is that,

even during the fright and worry

caused by this pandemic,

we are learning what to be

thankful for.

Within the Diamond Sand – A Poem

Three simple words

hold so much within them.

These words are like diamonds,

full of multi-faceted brilliance,

each surface holding a memory.

When I say that

I love you,

those words hold the moment

when we first met six year ago;

my brain can’t comprehend

that it has been that long,

that so much time has passed

when it feels like it’s been

but a small handful of sand

within the hourglass of time.

When I tell you that

I love you,

the words contain the moment

when we first gave our hearts to one another,

the moment when we realized

that the spark within us

was indeed love.

When we gifted those words to each other,

it didn’t complete us,

but made us shine all the brighter.

When I whisper the words

I love you,

those words contain

what you have given me.

I have never been so supported,

so encouraged and so understood.

Amid the sandstorm of my mind,

you can see the parts of me

that shine brighter than the rest.

Each time you tell me

I love you

the grains of diamond sand within us

shine brighter than before

and the light of our love

will help to light our

way.

The Descent – Video Excerpt

Check this out!

In this video, I’m reading from my short story The Descent which is in the anthology Nothing Without Us. Click play and enjoy!

I had no idea that this video was even taken. What a lovely surprise! Now you can get a taste of the story and watch as I read an except from The Descent.

You can get your copy of Nothing Without Us here:

Awesome!

Thin Places – New Anthology Coming Soon!

I’m thrilled to announce that my story titled Finder Keepers will be appearing in the anthology Thin Places. It will come out in ebook format later this year with a paperback to follow.

It will be published by the incredible Broken Keys Publishing and I couldn’t be happier. I’m thrilled with my story and can’t wait for you all to read it. The anthology features stories and a poem from some of the most amazing writers that Ottawa has to offer.

Stay tuned for more news!

A Year of You – 13 – The Numerous Children of Britta Kiley Flagg

The bonnet wouldn’t stay on Mr. Saucy Staniel’s head. She reached under his chin and tried retying the knot. He squirmed in her grasp. “No, no poppet, you must look pretty today, pretty.” She stroked the cats head soothingly. His eyes glared at her angrily from beneath the brim of the bonnet.

“Who’s my pretty boy? Who’s mommy’s pretty boy?” She gave the cat a noisy kiss and almost yelped when another cat clawed her ankle. She looked down at the other cat, a large tabby named Buttonhole Heimlich Johnson. “Bastard,” she said. “That was my last good pair of pantyhose.” She sighed. “What am I going to do if I have a gentleman caller?”

Pausing for a second, Britta reflected that it had been years since she had taken in a gentleman caller, decades even. Ever since her poor Hector Catchthe Flagg  had been killed by a truck carrying haemorrhoid donuts, she hadn’t really talked to anyone.

Oh, she talked to people of course. She took her morning and afternoon walks, followed by a number of her furry feline companions. Every town had to have a crazy cat lady, and why shouldn’t she be the one for Kilkades Dare? Besides, she thought. People like her added character to a city. Or at least this is what she told herself.

She was preparing for a morning walk and had placed Saucy Staniel into the baby carrier and belted him in. You had to belt the cats in, otherwise, they tried to get out and ruined the image. I mean, you couldn’t walk down the street walking a baby pram with nothing in it could you? It ruined the image.

Checking to make sure that her coat and hat were in order, she stepped over a large body of cats that blocked her path. She was about to open the door when someone knocked on it. Odd, she thought, I don’t get any visitors. Damn place smells too much like cat pee.

Giving her hair one final check in the hallway mirror, Britta opened the door. Standing there was a little girl and she was holding a cat. The girl looked up at her with dark, moody eyes. The girl had dark hair and dark eyes that regarded her with interest.

She held up the cat. “I think this is one of yours.” The girl said. Her voice was authoritative and Britta wondered if she was one of the rich girls from the Hill.

Britta’s heart warmed, despite the girl’s odd manner. “Oh, Ms. Tuppence a Bag!” She reached out and gathered the cat to her bosom. Oh, thank you, child. She must have wandered off.  Would you like to come in for a drink of thanks?”

The girl looked as if she were on the verge of saying no, but then nodded. “I am Hasenpfeffer Finklestein.” The girl said.

“Oh, I taught your mother in school.” Britta said. “She was such a bright young girl. But that was years ago.” She said.

She led the way into her living room and watched as Hasenpfeffer make her way through a sea of cats that moved and meowed on the floor. Sitting down on the couch, she was immediately set upon by four or five large cats. They were all jostling for a position on her lap.

“Oh, look!” Britta said. “They like you! Isn’t that lovely?”

One of the cats, a feisty tom named Rollie Pollie Tattler Dollie, was showing Hasenpfeffer his bum and was trying to bring it closer to her face. “Lovely is not the word I would use to describe the present situation.” The girl said.

Britta laughed and went to the kitchen to make tea. Britta wondered briefly whether children drank tea; she didn’t know. She had never had any of her own. Oh well, it would have to do. She moved through a small body of cats back to the living room and placed the tray on the table.

Pouring out tea into two china cups, Britta handed one to the small little girl. “Here you are dear.” She said.

The girl took the tea cup and took a sip, giving the older woman a smile. “So why do you have so many cats?”

Britta sighed. She was always asked this question, but she had never answered it. She wondered if the girl would understand her reasoning. Taking a sip of her tea to fortify herself, Britta sighed and then spoke. “Well, my husband died several years ago, you see.”

The girl nodded. “Go on.”

“Well at first, I got a cat so that I would have someone to love. But it wasn’t enough. I mean, I loved Hector so much; so very much. I had so much love to give. And when Hector was alive, he had so much love to give me too. I used to call it boundless, limitless love.”

She wiped a tear away from her eye and took another fortifying sip her of tea. “So I got another cat, hoping that loving two of them and having them love me back would help, but it still wasn’t enough. I didn’t feel I was getting enough love back, so I got more cats, hoping that each of their love for me would make me feel loved like when Hector was alive.”

She paused here; she had told a few people this and they had looked at her strangely or usually backed away from her. Hasenpfeffer regarded her with sharp eyes. “I suppose you think that’s rather stupid.” Britta said. “The delusions of an old lady.”

Hasenpfeffer said nothing for a moment but then surprised her by reaching out and taking one of her hands. “Love is never stupid.” Hasenpfeffer said.

Touched, Britta put her hand on top of Hasenpfeffer’s and felt better than she had in a very long time.

The moment was ruined by a particularly loud howl. Looking over to the source of the noise, Britta was astounded to see Saucy Stanley still belted into the baby pram.

“Oh, mommy’s poor baby!” She said.