Number-one bestselling author
As a child, I used to dream
of magic made real,
of distant lands where magic
held sway, where it was a
real, vibrant thing that
coloured the sky and shone
from the eyes of everyone.
As I grew older, that dream faded,
replaced by the words and actions
of others, those so rooted in
the mundane that they pulled
me down into it and the world
no longer shone brightly.
As I grew older still,
magic could be found only
inside books because they
would never hurt me
of judge me, never mock my
dreams of flying on the back
of a dragon, or riding across
hills in distant lands that
I yearned so much to visit.
Now, I am living that dream
because of you. We have travelled
to far away worlds on the wings
of large metal birds, we have seen
strange creatures that defy description.
You have helped me to believe
in time travel; we have been together
for over two years, and yet
it feels like I met you only yesterday.
We have celebrated and created memories,
each more magical than the last.
You have given me so much.
My life is brighter
because of you and the love
that you have given me.
I believe in magic and wonder
once more and know that you
are magic made real.
She got on
to the elevator.
When she saw
me, her smile
brightened and her
whole body shone.
“Hi!”
She said, excitedly.
“How are you? I haven’t seen you in forever!”
I looked through
my memory, the
albums of memories
that are there.
I flipped through
the place I
thought she should
be, but the
page was blank,
with nothing on it
except the words
MEMORY MISSING
written in bold
red type. I
closed the album
within my head
and looked at
her, hoping that
my smile was
convincing enough. I
offered her pleasantries
and asked if
she had vacation
planned. I didn’t
ask anything personal
because I could
remember nothing about
her, not her
name, not where
I knew her
from, not even
how long I
knew her. Inside
my head, I
opened the memory
book and placed
a photo of
her, so that
it would be
there next time.
When the disease
hit, it left
me with a
battle to fight
within my own
body. It also
took something from
me. My memories.
I used to
be able to
quote from movies
on queue, remember
the plot and
title of every
book I’ve ever
read, every place
I’ve been to,
songs I used
to know by
heart. Now, all
those memory books
are filled with
blank pages, blank
faces, empty places.
After the heaviness
left me, and
I took up
the fight, my
focus was on
getting better. As
I started that
battle, I started
to realise how
quiet it was
inside my head.
I took a
look inside myself
at the boxes
filled with memory
books, pictures and
pieces of paper,
memories preserved for
later reference. I
was shocked to
find an almost
empty room instead
of a warehouse
filled to the
brim. Now there
was only one
room filled with
a handful of
boxes. As I
started to go
through the boxes,
I kept seeing
MEMORY MISSING
where a memory
once resided, its
page left with
a vague outline
of whatever had
been there before,
a shadow of
what it use
to be. At
first, this worried
me and I kept
thinking that my
boxes would never
be full again.
I lamented that
which I had
forgotten. Eventually, I
realized that, in
a way, it
was a blessing,
that everything that
had been forgotten
could be filled
with a new memory,
and that everything
I had forgotten
could be new
all over again.
I realized that
new albums could
be made and
that life didn’t
have to be
spent lamenting what
I had forgotten.
That the past
was the past
and all I
had to do
was focus on
the future. I
turned to the
woman in the
elevator and asked
“I’m sorry, but could you tell me your name again?”
I can hear the sound of leaves
whenever you walk,
rustling along the ground.
I look down to see if
I can spot them,
trailing merrily along after you.
Every time I do,
I am shocked to find
that there are no leaves
fluttering in your wake.
It was only when
I began to hear the leaves
sliding along the ground as I walk
that I understood.
The leaves are your music,
a soft silky sound,
like paper leaning to fly.
I carry your music
inside of me,
your love for me
is like a symphony of leaves
and wind, singing its song
that fills every crevice
of my body.
I can feel them swirling
inside of me,
basking in the light
we share with each other.
That light intensifies
every time we touch,
each time we kiss.
My love for your
is its own symphony,
a swirling of leaves and wind
and so much light
that it would be blinding
to the naked eye.
When the two swirls intermingle,
a brilliant thing occurs:
the wind is replaced
by a voice that is singing,
my vision is overtaken
by the light emanating
from both of us
and every touch is a note
inside that voice,
every touch a pause
before the crescendo.
Every kiss is like a flare
of wind and light,
within that song,
We carry an orchestra
of wind, light and leaves
within us that
will continue to sing
for our song
has just begun.
The trees have returned.
I can see them out of
the corner of my eyes,
their leaves waving
like fingers trying
to beckon me closer
so that they can wrap me
in a dark embrace.
I can feel my body
answering their shrill call,
a heaviness in my chest
that is filled with nothing but shadows.
I breathe deeply, trying
to find my centre,
trying to brush past
the well inside of
me that is filled with malaise
instead of the water and ink
that brings words.
There is no reason for the
dark forest to return,
but it is always there,
underneath my skin,
waiting to burst
forth from inside me.
A woman is walking towards me.
I almost don’t see her through
the thick branches.
She puts a hand on my arm and says:
“Where are you going in such a hurry?”
I look at her and decide
that she’s genuine.
“I’m trying to get away. The trees are too strong.”
She gives me a kind smile.
“You carry a forest inside of you, don’t you?”
I nod grimly.
“You know, if you don’t let the bad stuff out, it’ll push itself out in the most bizarre ways.”
I thank her and move on.
The trees have grown thick around me,
the rustle of the branches,
the call of the wind
and its lullaby whisper
is almost too strong.
Something is struggling
to break free of my body.
I can feel it in my throat,
and I try to keep it down,
attempt to keep the shadows
inside of me. I’m kneeling
on the ground. I hear footsteps.
I look up to see the woman
that stopped me before.
“You have to let the bad stuff out. You can’t keep it inside. Go on now, let it out.”
I nod, tears in my eyes,
streaming down my cheeks.
I open my mouth wide
and a piece of shadow slips out of me,
resembling nothing but sludge.
Then, as we watch,
it begins to shape itself
into the shape of a Crow.
Its eyes regard me with
curiosity, unsure of me.
Its feathers shine like
obsidian and it ruffles its feathers.
“It’s beautiful.”
I whisper.
“Yes,” She says. “The darkness can be beautiful. But we mustn’t let it consume us.”
“So what do I do? How do I walk away from the forest?”
I realise that she is kneeling beside me,
as she is so close. There is a warmth
coming from her that fills my body.
“You have light inside of you. Use that to banish the dark. What else can the Crow be?”
I shake my head, unsure of what to say.
“You are a writer, are you not? Why not make some ink? Fill the well inside of you with ink instead of shadows.”
I blink at her and then nod.
I look at the Crow,
feel the pulse of its darkness
inside of me. I blink my eyes,
thinking of a pen, of something that
can hold ink and stories inside of it.
Wishing for something
to keep the shadows at bay,
to combat the lullaby of darkness.
When I open my eyes,
the Crow is gone. In its place
is a pen of black obsidian
and a black journal
waiting to be written in.
I look up to thank the woman
but there is no one there.
I stand as if I have just won
a battle, taking hold of the pen and journal
and I feel them pulse,
full of the stories
waiting to be written.