I was trying

to explain my

body to someone

else. She listened

closely, her face

showing openness, concern.

I often feel as if there are three of me in one body.

She cocked her

head to one

side, giving me

a confused look.

What do you mean?

I thought of

how to answer

her, how best

to phrase it.

Well, the Cerebral Palsy is strongest on the right and the Multiple Sclerosis is strongest on the left.

Don’t they affect your whole body?

Yes, but they’ve each taken sides, leaving me in the centre.

Sounds like quite the game of tug and war.

It is.

I paused for

a beat before

I told her.

I’ve named them.

Them? Them who?

Well, I’m a writer. I conquer fears by giving the fear a name. So I’ve given the CP and MS names.

Like characters in your books?

Exactly like that.

Her face softened

and she smiled

What are their names?

Well, I’ve named the Cerebral Palsy Cybil Paulesn and I’ve named the Multiple Sclerosis Max Shadow.

There was a

moment where I

wasn’t sure what

she was going

to say. Then

her smile split

to let out

a delighted laugh.

I’m sorry! I’ve just never heard of someone naming their disabilities before.

She wiped away

tears from her

eyes which were

sparkling and full

of simple amusement.

I let out

a chuckle of

my own and

was immediately lighter.

If they’re going to be with me for the rest of my life, I have to get to know them well.

I said. She

gave me another

one of her

warm smiles and

laid a hand

on my shoulder.

You already do. They’re part of you and you know yourself now.

I pondered what

she said and

felt Cybil and

Max loosening their

hold a little,

just for a

moment, as if

breathing a sigh

of intimate understanding.

I wished for

what I thought

to be impossible.

I had been

mistreated and scorned

by love, so

instead, wished for

what I thought

was only a

flight of fancy.

I went out

into the garden,

the moonlight shining

on all of

the flowers, their

blooms moving gently

in the wind.

I worked methodically,

picking blooms from

all kinds of

flowers. There were

petals from all

sorts of flowers,

pieces of a

love I didn’t

think actually existed:

Freesia,

Daisies

Arbutus

Balsam

Forget Me Not

Globe Amaranth

Rose

Gathering some petals

from each flower,

I took them

back inside.

I ground all

the petals up

into a fine

powder, their colours

mingling with each

other until they

looked like nothing

but multi-coloured sand.

Going to the

front door, I

opened it to

find a strong

breeze had risen

up. I held out

the bowl of

powdered flower petals

and offered it

to the wind.

There were no

words I could

say, for how

did I put

into words that

which I thought

an impossible kind

of love, one

that I was

not destined for?

The wind took

the powder up

into its embrace

and carried it

away. I thought

that was it,

I was done.

Going back inside,

I let sleep

claim me and

was woken hours

later by a

knock at the

door. I sat

up, clutched the

blanket to my

chin. Slowly, I

stood up, my

feet shaky, unsure.

I made my

way to the

door and opened

it. The sunlight

shone around you

momentarily, like a

halo, as if

you were made

of the sun.

“Hello.”

You said. Your

voice was deep

and melodious. Something

inside of me

stirred at the

sound of it.

“What is that gorgeous scent? What is it?”

“It’s nothing, merely a wish.”

I tried to

keep my voice

nonchalant, not daring

to hope but

believing in hope

all the same.

“I’ve been dreaming of that scent. It’s what led me to you.”

When you came

closer to me

and wrapped your

arms around me,

a wind began

to rise up

around us. When

you put your

lips to mine,

the wind began

to shine, as

if all the

flower petals, the

pieces of them,

were reflective and

shone even brighter.

“I wished for you.”

You said. I

looked deep into

your eyes and

saw myself there.

“I guess wishes do come true.”

I replied and

kissed you again,

the sunlight growing

brighter, reflected off

of the power

of a wish.

 

* For Michael. 🙂

I went to a reshoot of my promotional video for The ABC’s to Getting Published. The camera man wanted to film me writing.

So I did whatever a writer does when offered a pen and paper: I wrote.

Here’s the poem I wrote while being filmed. I thought it would be cool if I typed it out so you can all read it.

Enjoy!

*

Once when I

was younger my

consciousness was broad

and far reaching.

It only saw

the bigger picture

and didn’t take

the time to

think about the

smaller joys that

life offered. It

was only concerned

with what I

would become rather

than what I

already was. I

was always on

the go, always

moving and never

still. It took

an event that

shook me to

the core, that

reshaped my body

and my soul

to draw my

vision into focus.

It narrowed the

wide beam of

light that flowed

from me, sharpened

it, gave it

more heat. Now

all I see

and all I

know is what

I am truly

capable of. My

consciousness is still

big, my desires

and dreams still

larger than life,

but they have

been given a

new purpose. I

am capable of

anything I set

my mind to

and all of

my dreams

are possible.