Number-one bestselling author
I am broken and mended,
a crystal that has been shattered
but has fused itself back together
so that it can shine.
I am broken and cracked,
a piece of glass that has experienced trauma,
but persevered because of it,
the light shining through the cracks.
I am broken but filled with light,
a chalice that has been crushed
so many times but each time,
I have gathered the pieces of me
and put myself back together.
Though I am whole again,
there are cracks in my body;
I carry them within my skin,
they look like spider’s webs
and I like to follow them
to see where they might lead me.
These cracks have let the light in.
I never truly started to live
until life was taken away from me.
From the moment that it happened,
I have been trying to prove
that I was not broken
and that I was whole.
I have shied away from the word
b r o k e n,
seeing it as something
to be ashamed of,
as if it meant that I was only random pieces
of myself held together with string
and bits of tape.
Instead,
I should have realized that
the moment I broke
was the moment I was truly
alive.
I am held together
with the light
that comes from
me.
I walk into a bar
and the air is filled
with smoke and the scent
of old beer and sweat.
I hear the chatter of voices,
some of them raised in laughter,
others singing karaoke.
I move through fog of smoke
and someone grabs my arm.
“Hey.” He says. “Long time no see.”
His grip tightens. He smiles at me,
his small blue eyes are almost
lost within the folds of skin and his black hair is cut short.
“Why are you out? No one said you could go out.”
He tries to pull me to the front door,
tries to control my path as he used to.
“I really expected better of you.” He says.
He makes a tsk tsk sound. “Such a disappointment.”
His lips stretch themselves into a sneer.
“You were nothing then and you’re nothing now.”
I pull away from him and watch his smile falter.
I try to convey everything that I am feeling
with a look and words that hold a spark.
“You no longer have power over me.”
I walk away from him, letting the fog take me
and, as I step away from him,
the fog takes my memories of who I was with him.
Someone bumps into me from behind.
I turn to find it is someone else I used to know,
his bald head and ice blue eyes shining in the darkness.
“Watch where you’re going. You never did that, did you?”
He grins and I remember that grin. It always came
before he used his words to hurt me.
He looks displeased with me already.
“You always had your fucking nose in a book, didn’t you?”
He smiles now, but there is nothing warm within it.
“You were always my little freak. Don’t worry,”
Here he pinches my love handles like he use to,
“I can finally design your workout.”
He grips my love handles tighter, pinching the skin.
“You will finally be attractive.”
I pull myself out of his reach and when I look at him,
the spark that was in my words
has grown to a fire that is within my eyes.
He backs away from me and the fire begins to grow.
“Your opinion of me no longer matters.” I say.
I move even deeper into the fog of smoke,
the smell of cheap beer and sweat growing stronger.
I am looking for the exit, wanting to leave,
to be away from this place.
I see it and begin to move towards it,
but he steps into my path, blocking the exit.
I see his blond hair and cold blue eyes
before I see him. They seem to almost
glow within the smoke-filled shadows.
“You don’t deserve to be happy”
He says, by way of greeting me.
When he lays a hand on my arm,
I can’t help but shiver.
“You’re a broken man now.”
He says this in a whisper
and there is joy running throughout those words.
“No one else will want you. You’re lucky to have me.”
He looks me up and down and shakes his head sadly.
“Why don’t you just take yourself out of the equation?”
He slides closer to me and his smile is terrifying.
“Broken men don’t deserve happiness.”
I look him right in the eyes and smile at him.
His pale blue eyes widen in fear.
“I will no longer hear you.” I tell him.
At these words, the smell of sweat and cheap beer
begins to fade and, as I walk away from him,
I can feel the hold that he has over me,
the hand clenched like a fist within the mirror of myself,
begin to dissipate until it is no longer a concern.
I step through the exit to the bar,
and the air cool and fresh in my nose and on my skin.
A soft breeze teases my senses and a soft rain
begins
to
fall
softly.
I stand there,
letting it wash
all the smoke
away.

You have been an absolute blessing.
Every year, I wonder how the new year will make me better, how I will learn and grow and prosper. I promised myself, way back in 2014, that I would live more and I continue to stay true to that promise.
This year saw quite a few milestones, a lot of different things published and a lot of new memories made. I am constantly looking at my life, wondering what I did to be lucky enough to be living it.
I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned what I was capable of and how to relax and let joy find me. I’m still trying to learn how to take it easy and not do quite so much, but I’m a fabulous work in progress.
January and February were spent just trying to find our footing after the busy holiday season.
March

In March, I released my fifth volume of poetry, Singing to the Sky. It is the fifth in my Elemental Poetry series and I couldn’t be happier with how it turned out. I set down to write poems only when Spirit moved me to do so.
You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/Singing-Spirit-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B07CJPG7YL/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545596160&sr=8-1&keywords=Singing+to+the+Spirit+Jamieson+Wolf

April

April was full of so many wonderful and fabulous things! Michael and I celebrated out first Wedding Anniversary! I can’t believe it’s already been a year and that we’ve been together for four years. It feels like I only met him a month ago! He fills me with so much joy. He has taught me what true love is and every day is a joy and a blessing because I get to wake up beside him and fall asleep beside him. He has shown me that magic really does exist.

My new novel from Renaissance Press was released. Life and Lemonade is the second book in the Lemonade series and I love this book so much. Blaine and friends have filled up my life and it’s a joy to let the books pages fill up with their lives. You can get your copy here: https://renaissancebookpress.com/product/life-and-lemonade/

I also did the MS Walk at the end of April. This year, I raised well over $1,000 for research that will lead to the end of Multiple Sclerosis. I am so grateful to everyone who walked with me and everyone who donated. We all walked 5KM in an hour and ten minutes. That’s awesome and a great improvement on last years time! Woohoo for us!
May

May started with the book launch for Life and Lemonade! It launched along with a few other titles and I got to wear a costume! I was dressed as Duke William Tremontaine from the Tremontaine novels. SO MUCH FUN! And, bonus, I had hair! LOL

My first erotica novel in quite a few years was released. The Color of Love: Starboy book one. It was published by Cobblestone Press and I’m so happy with it. It’s a novelette and, while it’s a quick read, it’s a wonderful story. You can get your copy here: http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/thecoloroflove.htm

I also got a new tattoo! The Wild Unknown is my favourite Tarot deck of all that I have. There’s just something in it that sings to my soul. I decided to treat myself for m 40th Birthday and get a new tattoo. I picked my favourite card from the deck, the Strength card. It was done by Pat at Living Colour Tattoo.
June
I had new author photos taken with Susie Shapiro. I am so thrilled with her work. She was able to find the true me and help that to shine through. She captured my spirit with the photos that she took and I’m just forever thankful for them. You can find out more about Susie and her work here: https://susieshapiro.format.com/
July

This novel saw the release of my next erotic romance novel, Hallowed: The Elementals Book One. I am so thrilled with this book and have been busy planning the plot for the next four books. You can get your copy here: http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/hallowed.htm
August

This month brought quiet a few milestones!
It was my 40th Birthday! With that came a party! I had such an awesome time celebrating with friends and family. It was a Harry Potter theme party, so I of course dressed appropriately.

Michael took me on my first cruise all the way to Alaska! First though, I got to experience the gorgeous splendour of Vancouver British Columbia. It really was spectacular

When we were in Alaska, we did so much! One memory is zip lining off of a mountain that was higher than the Empire State Building. I can’t believe everything I experienced on this trip and know that I will remember my 40th Birthday for the rest of my life.

The cruise was a dream. Seeing Alaska was incredible and they are memories I will carry with me for a long time to come.
September
As fall took hold, I wanted to add to my tattoo. It didn’t feel quite done with just the Strength card, so I wanted to add my two other favourite cards to the Strength card: The Ace of Swords and The Ace of Wands. Pat from Living Colour did these ones, too and they look like a three card reading on my arm.

We were also fortunate enough to see Elton John perform for the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Tour. He played for three hours and it was the best concert I’ve ever experienced. Such an amazing singer, writer and performer.
October

October brought a lot of joy too! My new novel, Witchcraft and Anchovies, was released! It’s a favourite of mine and I’m so happy it’s out there in the world. You can buy your copy here: https://www.amazon.ca/Witchcraft-Anchovies-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B07JL6G5CY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545599858&sr=8-1&keywords=Witchcraft+and+Anchovies


I also took part in Can-Con again! I was on a romantic panel and what creates romantic relationships. I was honoured to be on a panel with so many other talented authors and to meet readers of my books.
November


In November, Michael and I went to Cuba! This time, we sent to Santiago de Cuba. It was breathtaking and gorgeous. It was fascinating to learn so much about its history. It felt like we were in another world.

I was also fortunate enough to have both Lust and Lemonade and Life and Lemonade entered into the Ottawa Public Library! How wonderful is that? I’m ecstatic that people can check my books out from the library.
December

And how cool is this? Life and Lemonade made it on a Best Books of 2018 list! This novel was really personal to me and so very special. I’m so glad that the response for it has been so good! You can check out the best books list here: https://caitgordon.com/2018/12/03/my-2018-list-of-you-gotta-read-them-books/

I released my annual holiday story earlier this month. I wanted to write a story about a chosen family. So I figured why not write about Blaine and friends from the Lemonade Novels? I figured I’d go back to the beginning and write a prequel. Thus, Mistletoe and Lemonade was born! You can read it for free and can download your copy here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/911759
And that’s a wrap on 2018! I am so thankful to everyone that has made this year so wonderful and filled it with so much joy. I am so grateful for the life I have. I am also thankful for all of you who are with me on this journey.
I wish for all of your lives to be filled with joy this holiday season. Until next year! See you in 2019!
When I look into your eyes,
I see galaxies contained within.
The stars move and flow
within layers of hazel, blue and green.
They entrance me and when I stand still
and gaze into their depths,
They fill me with hope
because you see me, al of me,
and love me still.
When I touch your lips with mine,
I see memories contained within.
Each kiss holds a memory
that we have created together,
of heat and fire on cold days,
warmth and flame to that are a constant.
Each kiss reminds me why
I fell in love with you.
You’ve given me a world of hope,
one of magic made real,
of dreams come true.
When I hold your hand,
I see the journeys contained within.
Each time I take your hand,
I am given a vision of the places we have been,
the terrain that we have ventured across,
oceans, mountains, great expanses of sand.
You have taken me further than
I ever thought possible.
Though we travelled to unknown lands,
I never experienced a moment of fear,
as long as I had hold of your hand.
You bring me balance, support, stability,
though sometimes the ground I walk upon
can be shaky and tumultuous.
Though all of this, there is a shining beacon
of the love that we share
and the life that we
have grown.
Together, we contain multitudes.
I can’t wait to see where we
go from here.