Jamieson Wolf
Number-one bestselling author
No Longer – A Poem
I walk into a bar
and the air is filled
with smoke and the scent
of old beer and sweat.
I hear the chatter of voices,
some of them raised in laughter,
others singing karaoke.
I move through fog of smoke
and someone grabs my arm.
“Hey.” He says. “Long time no see.”
His grip tightens. He smiles at me,
his small blue eyes are almost
lost within the folds of skin and his black hair is cut short.
“Why are you out? No one said you could go out.”
He tries to pull me to the front door,
tries to control my path as he used to.
“I really expected better of you.” He says.
He makes a tsk tsk sound. “Such a disappointment.”
His lips stretch themselves into a sneer.
“You were nothing then and you’re nothing now.”
I pull away from him and watch his smile falter.
I try to convey everything that I am feeling
with a look and words that hold a spark.
“You no longer have power over me.”
I walk away from him, letting the fog take me
and, as I step away from him,
the fog takes my memories of who I was with him.
Someone bumps into me from behind.
I turn to find it is someone else I used to know,
his bald head and ice blue eyes shining in the darkness.
“Watch where you’re going. You never did that, did you?”
He grins and I remember that grin. It always came
before he used his words to hurt me.
He looks displeased with me already.
“You always had your fucking nose in a book, didn’t you?”
He smiles now, but there is nothing warm within it.
“You were always my little freak. Don’t worry,”
Here he pinches my love handles like he use to,
“I can finally design your workout.”
He grips my love handles tighter, pinching the skin.
“You will finally be attractive.”
I pull myself out of his reach and when I look at him,
the spark that was in my words
has grown to a fire that is within my eyes.
He backs away from me and the fire begins to grow.
“Your opinion of me no longer matters.” I say.
I move even deeper into the fog of smoke,
the smell of cheap beer and sweat growing stronger.
I am looking for the exit, wanting to leave,
to be away from this place.
I see it and begin to move towards it,
but he steps into my path, blocking the exit.
I see his blond hair and cold blue eyes
before I see him. They seem to almost
glow within the smoke-filled shadows.
“You don’t deserve to be happy”
He says, by way of greeting me.
When he lays a hand on my arm,
I can’t help but shiver.
“You’re a broken man now.”
He says this in a whisper
and there is joy running throughout those words.
“No one else will want you. You’re lucky to have me.”
He looks me up and down and shakes his head sadly.
“Why don’t you just take yourself out of the equation?”
He slides closer to me and his smile is terrifying.
“Broken men don’t deserve happiness.”
I look him right in the eyes and smile at him.
His pale blue eyes widen in fear.
“I will no longer hear you.” I tell him.
At these words, the smell of sweat and cheap beer
begins to fade and, as I walk away from him,
I can feel the hold that he has over me,
the hand clenched like a fist within the mirror of myself,
begin to dissipate until it is no longer a concern.
I step through the exit to the bar,
and the air cool and fresh in my nose and on my skin.
A soft breeze teases my senses and a soft rain
begins
to
fall
softly.
I stand there,
letting it wash
all the smoke
away.
Dear 2018
You have been an absolute blessing.
Every year, I wonder how the new year will make me better, how I will learn and grow and prosper. I promised myself, way back in 2014, that I would live more and I continue to stay true to that promise.
This year saw quite a few milestones, a lot of different things published and a lot of new memories made. I am constantly looking at my life, wondering what I did to be lucky enough to be living it.
I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned what I was capable of and how to relax and let joy find me. I’m still trying to learn how to take it easy and not do quite so much, but I’m a fabulous work in progress.
January and February were spent just trying to find our footing after the busy holiday season.
March
In March, I released my fifth volume of poetry, Singing to the Sky. It is the fifth in my Elemental Poetry series and I couldn’t be happier with how it turned out. I set down to write poems only when Spirit moved me to do so.
You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/Singing-Spirit-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B07CJPG7YL/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545596160&sr=8-1&keywords=Singing+to+the+Spirit+Jamieson+Wolf
April
April was full of so many wonderful and fabulous things! Michael and I celebrated out first Wedding Anniversary! I can’t believe it’s already been a year and that we’ve been together for four years. It feels like I only met him a month ago! He fills me with so much joy. He has taught me what true love is and every day is a joy and a blessing because I get to wake up beside him and fall asleep beside him. He has shown me that magic really does exist.
My new novel from Renaissance Press was released. Life and Lemonade is the second book in the Lemonade series and I love this book so much. Blaine and friends have filled up my life and it’s a joy to let the books pages fill up with their lives. You can get your copy here: https://renaissancebookpress.com/product/life-and-lemonade/
I also did the MS Walk at the end of April. This year, I raised well over $1,000 for research that will lead to the end of Multiple Sclerosis. I am so grateful to everyone who walked with me and everyone who donated. We all walked 5KM in an hour and ten minutes. That’s awesome and a great improvement on last years time! Woohoo for us!
May
May started with the book launch for Life and Lemonade! It launched along with a few other titles and I got to wear a costume! I was dressed as Duke William Tremontaine from the Tremontaine novels. SO MUCH FUN! And, bonus, I had hair! LOL
My first erotica novel in quite a few years was released. The Color of Love: Starboy book one. It was published by Cobblestone Press and I’m so happy with it. It’s a novelette and, while it’s a quick read, it’s a wonderful story. You can get your copy here: http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/thecoloroflove.htm
I also got a new tattoo! The Wild Unknown is my favourite Tarot deck of all that I have. There’s just something in it that sings to my soul. I decided to treat myself for m 40th Birthday and get a new tattoo. I picked my favourite card from the deck, the Strength card. It was done by Pat at Living Colour Tattoo.
June
I had new author photos taken with Susie Shapiro. I am so thrilled with her work. She was able to find the true me and help that to shine through. She captured my spirit with the photos that she took and I’m just forever thankful for them. You can find out more about Susie and her work here: https://susieshapiro.format.com/
July
This novel saw the release of my next erotic romance novel, Hallowed: The Elementals Book One. I am so thrilled with this book and have been busy planning the plot for the next four books. You can get your copy here: http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/hallowed.htm
August
This month brought quiet a few milestones!
It was my 40th Birthday! With that came a party! I had such an awesome time celebrating with friends and family. It was a Harry Potter theme party, so I of course dressed appropriately.
Michael took me on my first cruise all the way to Alaska! First though, I got to experience the gorgeous splendour of Vancouver British Columbia. It really was spectacular
When we were in Alaska, we did so much! One memory is zip lining off of a mountain that was higher than the Empire State Building. I can’t believe everything I experienced on this trip and know that I will remember my 40th Birthday for the rest of my life.
The cruise was a dream. Seeing Alaska was incredible and they are memories I will carry with me for a long time to come.
September
As fall took hold, I wanted to add to my tattoo. It didn’t feel quite done with just the Strength card, so I wanted to add my two other favourite cards to the Strength card: The Ace of Swords and The Ace of Wands. Pat from Living Colour did these ones, too and they look like a three card reading on my arm.
We were also fortunate enough to see Elton John perform for the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Tour. He played for three hours and it was the best concert I’ve ever experienced. Such an amazing singer, writer and performer.
October
October brought a lot of joy too! My new novel, Witchcraft and Anchovies, was released! It’s a favourite of mine and I’m so happy it’s out there in the world. You can buy your copy here: https://www.amazon.ca/Witchcraft-Anchovies-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B07JL6G5CY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545599858&sr=8-1&keywords=Witchcraft+and+Anchovies
I also took part in Can-Con again! I was on a romantic panel and what creates romantic relationships. I was honoured to be on a panel with so many other talented authors and to meet readers of my books.
November
In November, Michael and I went to Cuba! This time, we sent to Santiago de Cuba. It was breathtaking and gorgeous. It was fascinating to learn so much about its history. It felt like we were in another world.
I was also fortunate enough to have both Lust and Lemonade and Life and Lemonade entered into the Ottawa Public Library! How wonderful is that? I’m ecstatic that people can check my books out from the library.
December
And how cool is this? Life and Lemonade made it on a Best Books of 2018 list! This novel was really personal to me and so very special. I’m so glad that the response for it has been so good! You can check out the best books list here: https://caitgordon.com/2018/12/03/my-2018-list-of-you-gotta-read-them-books/
I released my annual holiday story earlier this month. I wanted to write a story about a chosen family. So I figured why not write about Blaine and friends from the Lemonade Novels? I figured I’d go back to the beginning and write a prequel. Thus, Mistletoe and Lemonade was born! You can read it for free and can download your copy here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/911759
And that’s a wrap on 2018! I am so thankful to everyone that has made this year so wonderful and filled it with so much joy. I am so grateful for the life I have. I am also thankful for all of you who are with me on this journey.
I wish for all of your lives to be filled with joy this holiday season. Until next year! See you in 2019!
The Galaxies Within – A Poem
When I look into your eyes,
I see galaxies contained within.
The stars move and flow
within layers of hazel, blue and green.
They entrance me and when I stand still
and gaze into their depths,
They fill me with hope
because you see me, al of me,
and love me still.
When I touch your lips with mine,
I see memories contained within.
Each kiss holds a memory
that we have created together,
of heat and fire on cold days,
warmth and flame to that are a constant.
Each kiss reminds me why
I fell in love with you.
You’ve given me a world of hope,
one of magic made real,
of dreams come true.
When I hold your hand,
I see the journeys contained within.
Each time I take your hand,
I am given a vision of the places we have been,
the terrain that we have ventured across,
oceans, mountains, great expanses of sand.
You have taken me further than
I ever thought possible.
Though we travelled to unknown lands,
I never experienced a moment of fear,
as long as I had hold of your hand.
You bring me balance, support, stability,
though sometimes the ground I walk upon
can be shaky and tumultuous.
Though all of this, there is a shining beacon
of the love that we share
and the life that we
have grown.
Together, we contain multitudes.
I can’t wait to see where we
go from here.
Nothing/Everything
I am nothing.
Don’t you dare tell me that
I am capable of anything I put my mind to.
I am a failure and can’t do anything right.
I won’t believe you when you tell me that
I am unique and special.
I am pathetic and not worth anyone’s time.
I won’t listen when you tell me that
I am amazing and I sparkle with a bright internal fire.
I won’t hear you when you tell me that everything I think about myself is wrong.
I won’t listen to what you say.
(now read the poem bottom up)
The Best Books of 2018!
It’s that time of year again!
Every year, I list what were my ten best reads throughout the year. I’ve read over seventy-five books so far this year, so only picking ten books is a hard task! However, I picked the books that really stood out for me or ones that really struck a chord.
As per usual, the books on the list had to be published within the year of 2018. All set? Okay, let’s go!
10 – Henry and Violet by Michelle Zink
This book is as lovely as a fairy tale. Telling the story of Henry and Violet as they sneak away from a school trip, this is less a tale of what will be than it is what could be. I loved how Zink made the characters her own, gave them new life and helped them live off of the page. More than that though, Zink takes the characters we know and makes them her own, putting so much heart into the story. This book touched my heart. Read my review here: https://jamiesonwolf.com/2018/05/17/henry-and-violet-by-michelle-zink-a-book-review/
9 – So This Is the End by Alexandra Franzen
This book surprised the heck out of me. What would happen if you could live just a little longer after you’ve died? This is just what happens to Nora who, though she has reached the end of her life, has never truly lived. I won’t tell you anymore than that, but I will say if you want to read a book that reaches into your heart and doesn’t let go, read this book!
8 – The Saturday Night Ghost Club by Craig Davidson
I loved how innocently creepy this book was. It is a novel that brings to live real life ghost stories told around the camp fire. It warms your heart and makes you realize that some things we fear are ultimately human in nature. It is the story of Jake and his uncle Calvin and the ghost club that uncle Calvin starts. What Jake find out is that some ghosts are very real. SUCH an amazing book.
7- Dear Mrs. Bird by A. J. Pearce
Set during World War II, Dear Mr. Bird tells the story of Emmeline Lake who takes a job writing for Women’s Friend magazine answering letters addressed to Dear Mrs. Bird. She’s not supposed to answer the more racy letters, but can’t help herself. Soon, she is in deep trouble and needs to find a way out. An absolutely amazing novel that packs quite the emotional punch. Has the feel of The Gurnsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, but stands on its own. It’s a stellar read.
6 – The Wish by Alex Brown
Alex Brown never fails to disappoint, and The Wish is no exception. Sam knows that he messed up with his wife Chrissy and his daughter Holly and will do whatever he can to make it right. Even if that means moving back to Tindledale. Jude has come back to Tindledale to run the antique shop. She’s Chrissy’s best friend and means to look after her and Chrissy’s daughter Holly. When Holly makes a wish, it changes everything. An absolutely heartwarming read that left me breathless and thankful for the love I have in my life. Even more than that, Alex Brown always manages to take chick lit beyond the genre of chick lit to create a truly beautiful experience. Read my review here:
https://jamiesonwolf.com/2018/06/03/the-wish-by-alex-brown-a-book-review/
5- The Philosopher’s Flight by Tom Miller
I got this book when I saw the cover. Thankfully, the story contained within was just as amazing. Robert Weekes is a student of empirical philosophy, a branch of magic that teaches students to summon the wind, heal the injured and learn to fly. When Robert earns a scholarship to Radcliffe College, a women’s college for philosophers, Robert may have bitten off more than he can chew but soon, he joins others in the fight to save philosophy from those that want to destroy it completely. A brave and fantastical remaining of history, this book is pure pleasure!
4- How to Stop Time by Matt Haig
This book took my breath away. I love Matt Haig, but How to Stop Time just shone. This book tells the story of Tom Hazard who may look like an ordinary 41 year old, but he has actually been alive for centuries. He was told long ago that there was only one rule for people like him: don’t fall in love. When that happens, he wonders even though he’s been alive for a long time, when does he really start to live? A truly marvellous book and perfect in every way, part love story, part historical novel by all magical.
3- That Time I Loved You by Carrianne Leung
House hold lives. Those lives hold secrets. What if we were able to view those lives and those secrets in action? Told in a series of interconnected stories, Leung gives us the nostalgia of the 1970’s and fills it with so much quiet life that I couldn’t help but be charmed, moved and captivated by the short stories that make up this collection. I won’t tell you anything about the stories themselves, to do so would be a disservice. I merely ask you to open this book and read and be spellbound by a master of her craft.
2- The Bookshop of Yesterdays by Amy Meyerson
I loved everything about this book. What would you do if your uncle left you a treasure hunt of sorts after he passed away? This is just what happens to Miranda Brooks who, over time, became estranged from her uncle Billy. He has passed away and left her his bookstore, Prospero Books. He had always sent her on scavenger hunts when she was a child, but now he has one final scavenger hunt for her to go on. She will learn more about herself and about him and what keeps a family together. Thrilling in every sense of the word and just so much fun to read. Loved every word of this book!
1 – Of Echoes Born by ‘Nathan Burgoine
‘Nathan Burgoine has crafted a beautiful gem of a book. I was moved by this collection of short stories. Every one of them created a personal reaction in me. I’ve never read anything like it. Each of the stories is woven together in a tapestry of colour and the whole book just left me breathless. Indeed, I would stop for a moment when I finished each short story and reflect on the stories message and the superior craft of the writers words. This collection is magical realism at its finest. You know you are reading a book of fantasy stories, but somehow they feel so real, so true, that you think you’ll be walking down the street and meet one of the characters within. This is a wonderful gut punch of a collection that left me wowed. I had to read the book twice before I could even find the words for a book review, which you can read here.
https://jamiesonwolf.com/2018/09/01/of-echoes-born-by-nathan-burgoine-a-book-review/
That’s the round up! It took me forever to pick the list out and I hope you enjoyed reading about my top ten books of 2018. By all means, read all of these!
Until next year!
Buy Little Yellow Magnet from Amazon and Kobo!
Jamieson Wolf has written a compelling story about navigating multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy. His story will touch your heart, make you cry, then laugh, and inspire you. A touching memoir with a bit of magic…and tarot! ~ Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
Jamieson Wolf 